reposted from facebook..... mostly for zen

kayso for everyone who doesn't know. the bitch-ass methadone clinic is kicking my junkie ass to the curb. and after 7 years being on 15o milligrams of this highly addictive opiode they are only giving me a 30 day detox. so in the last few weeks i have gone from 150 to like 40. well 75 today because OFF COURSE i took Sunday's dose. so tomorrow is gonna suck even harder. although from the way i can't stop twitching and want to crawl outta my own skin that just doesn't seem possible....
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

you shall make it through this! if only so you can have ice cream!
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"protestant heaven is in the basement of catholic heaven."
my dad

"there's just one more thing.... it's been emotional." lock stock and 2 smoking barrels

well you know that i'm not one to indulge in unhealthy behavior, but since i've been restrained enough not to kill anyone in the last three weeks, i guess maybe i deserve a treat.... oh wait you were with me that time i bought 17 pints of vanilla Haagen-Dazs at the groce-out, huh? {what was i s'posed to do? it was on sale for $1.49 a pint!!!}

so far it only hurts too much to to move, but i haven't been overcome with the inevitable terrifying dread that is usually accompanied by mild hallucinations and wanting to claw your way out of your own skin.... when that time comes, i prolly won't be able to interact for a coupla weeks , so at least i'll stop bitching.... until then i want nothing but soft sympathetic noises. and vague statements about how its not my fault (even though it totally is) and how awesome and pretty i am. any criticisms that aren't gentle and/or hilarious, will be met with tears and unreasonable rants....
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

we'll flood you with bordello mojo and you will come out the other side independent!
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To Learn is to Know
To Know is to Love
To Love is our aim

~~~~~~~

Why should we bother with immortality when we are eternal?

OOOOooooooh, that sucks. But we all know you can get through it, because you are STRONG!
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"Smacking yourself with a thawed meat-hammer never has a desired effect." - Jinxted

"Life's too short to get wrapped around the axle about the little things." - SK

-The First Law of Geography: Everything is Connected to Everything Else.

_________________
"protestant heaven is in the basement of catholic heaven."
my dad

"there's just one more thing.... it's been emotional." lock stock and 2 smoking barrels

soft kitty
warm kitty
little ball of fur
happy kitty
sleepy kitty
pur pur pur


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"protestant heaven is in the basement of catholic heaven."
my dad

"there's just one more thing.... it's been emotional." lock stock and 2 smoking barrels

thank you my fruit-batty friends for the support. for the record though, this forced administrative taper and subsequent month that i have to wait before i reapply aren't in any way meant to be permanent. i can't see any compelling reason to NOT spend the rest of my life on methadone maintenance. the unadulterated misery of the last few weeks have done nothing but reinforce the certainty that life without opiates is and will always be just full up with the bad. , and will hopefully i wont take my treatment for granted in the future.

i was of course warned one might even say, repeatedly, that after a certain # of not especially clean u.a.s i would be kicked (no pun intended )to the proverbial freaking curb with a painfully breif detox and have to wait a month before i can reapply there , but as you might have guessed i'm not large with the whole "path of least resistance thing"

also amphetamines are , as it turns out, not so easy to stop taking . even if you REALLY don't like them , and only started taking them because your doctor wouldn't give you the right thyroid medicine and you were sick of being sleepy all the time. and in response to the next thought that will occur to 98 % of the people reading this post ,OPIATES DO NOT MAKE ME SLEEPY!!! in fact when i started doing dope , most everyone thought i was doing coke. [oddly enough they don't really have speed in boston, or at least they didn't in the early 90's] but after a while my friends and family, (those that were still talking to me), learned to watch for the frenetic energy and the endless blah blah blah, as evidence that i was "using" again.

wait what was my point? oh screw it, my head hurts. but yeah, love u guys. [especially the ones that drop whatever it is they are doing , get in there cars, and bring me painkillers..... yup definitely love those fruitbats the most] :-}
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

walk wrote:

like
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

walk wrote:

soft kitty warm kitty little ball of fur happy kitty sleepy kitty pur pur pur

love.
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

i shall periodically post amusing distractions for thee my lady
but right now i got nothing
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"protestant heaven is in the basement of catholic heaven."
my dad

"there's just one more thing.... it's been emotional." lock stock and 2 smoking barrels

walk wrote:

i shall periodically post amusing distractions for thee my lady but right now i got nothing

bears?

bar stories, where you beat up rednecks ?
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

girlEgirl wrote:

bears?

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Avoid being normal -- John Lennon

Wonko wrote:

girlEgirl wrote: bears?

thanks wonko,....good old wonko with his boobalicious vampire.
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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

girlEgirl wrote:

...good old wonko with his boobalicious vampire.

Award Winning boobalicious vampire
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Avoid being normal -- John Lennon