Forwards you've gotten that you actually enjoyed

My friends sent me these forwards and for once I didn't want to strangle the senders for bothering me with useless crap. Instead I thought it was fun useless crap and figured there may be other interesting or funny forwards you otherwise have no reason to share. Hope you enjoy them


20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With
Sunglasses on and point a
Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise
Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If
They Want Fries
with
That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It
"In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once
Everyone Has Gotten
Over
Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For
Sexual Favors."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With
The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically
After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."


12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't
Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And
Play Tropical Sounds
All
Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't
Attend Their
Party
Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling
Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I
Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The
Parking Lot,
Yelling
"Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The
Economy, We Are Going
To
Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of
Insanity.......

20. Send This Message To Someone To Make Them
Smile...It's Called
Therapy...



... and



Who Is Jack Schitt?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!" Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt, " you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

I have seen the first one, but not the second. Both are funny.

Paul R
_________________
'la putain et le moitier-voleur ont perdu leurs boucliers de gencives pendant le dessus-dessous'

both quite good...

The Wife's best friend always puts "Sexual Favors" in the memo line when she gives my wife a check... one bank teller tried to refuse the check, she's uptight that way...
_________________
You are so whack.Wiggity whack?Nope, just the regular kind.
You can't dust for vomit
This is the Governor's wife. -- You mean she's not the hooker?
It's time to separate the awkwardly feminine from the possibly canadian

I have never gotten a forward that I enjoyed. So much it has gotten to the point I don't read forwards unless the person forwarding it writes me personally something before the forward. I think forwards are a lazy way to say I was thinking of you. Especially if the forward is addressed to several people. Then it's like "oh yeah and since I have your email address..."
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

My apologies for bumping up this thread, but anytime I get the chance to share the story of Billy "Smiles" Evans is a treat.

-----
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep.

The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you foward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you foward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't foward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach. What kind of wretched person are you that you can't take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish

I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.

I forgot the complete post, but it's the one where they give you a list of things to do in Wal-Mart. It made me spill my coffee on my mom... >_<
_________________
"Quack, damn you." - Mythbusters

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Slowly returning from the hell pit that is college. I hope. D: