Christopher Moore Home Page


bbs.chrismoore.com Forum Index -> Blog Comments

The Zen of Airport Security
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
  Author    Thread Post new topic Reply to topic
chris
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 3833
Location: People Republic of Northern California
The Zen of Airport Security  Reply with quote  

And when the seatbelt light went off, he was enlightened!

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 8:23 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
 Reply with quote  

Get the guy some meds.

Laughing
_________________
Book: A garden carried in a pocket. Arabian Proverb

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 8:27 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Lukaret



Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Posts: 1589
Location: ... Hell. No wait... make that GP, Texas, that's about the same thing.
 Reply with quote  

You can't have the laptop in the bag, no.... it has to be all by itself. XD
_________________
"Quack, damn you." - Mythbusters

Facebook Me!

I have a Twitter too.

Slowly returning from the hell pit that is college. I hope. D:

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:12 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
knikkki



Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Posts: 3145
Location: Davis, CA
 Reply with quote  

I have a pen that has one of those zip drive/usb thingys in it. So it's shaped like a "weapon" apparantly, but it has electrical parts in it. THIS is bad. I KEPT FUCKING FORGETTING TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY LAPTOP CASE.

Is it bad to sigh deeply when you are getting patted down by a "female assist?" Finally took the fucker apart.

Travelling SUCKS sweaty elephant balls coated with cow smegma.

Though it often provides some good fiction fodder.

I have a system now ... the order which I put my stuff on the belt. Shoes first, then suitcase, empty laptop bag, then laptop. That way I put my shoes back on, pull my case down, open my laptop bag, and shove my computer back in. That is ... When the laptop bag isn't confiscated because of the pen/zip gadget.

Dave Barry's Big Trouble (the book, not the movie, they ruined it in the movie) had a very funny airport security scene.
_________________
My Book
My Myspace

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:12 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
RedOrcaMoon



Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 2399
Location: someplace...probably inside my head or in another world
 Reply with quote  

*nods her head in agreement* now lets all ask this question


at a time like this?

simple!





and then
see? he can do anything he wants! and attract crowds from all over the world.
_________________
current pics: drawings and some photos. http://www.dizzyhellfire.deviantart.com

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:14 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
knikkki



Joined: 13 Jun 2005
Posts: 3145
Location: Davis, CA
 Reply with quote  

knikkki wrote:

Travelling SUCKS sweaty elephant balls coated with cow smegma.



Gosh ... that's not very zen or lady like, is it?
_________________
My Book
My Myspace

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:14 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
RedOrcaMoon



Joined: 17 Jun 2005
Posts: 2399
Location: someplace...probably inside my head or in another world
 Reply with quote  

knikkki wrote:
I have a pen that has one of those zip drive/usb thingys in it. So it's shaped like a "weapon" apparantly, but it has electrical parts in it. THIS is bad. I KEPT FUCKING FORGETTING TO TAKE IT OUT OF MY LAPTOP CASE.

Is it bad to sigh deeply when you are getting patted down by a "female assist?" Finally took the fucker apart.

Travelling SUCKS sweaty elephant balls coated with cow smegma.

Though it often provides some good fiction fodder.

I have a system now ... the order which I put my stuff on the belt. Shoes first, then suitcase, empty laptop bag, then laptop. That way I put my shoes back on, pull my case down, open my laptop bag, and shove my computer back in. That is ... When the laptop bag isn't confiscated because of the pen/zip gadget.

Dave Barry's Big Trouble (the book, not the movie, they ruined it in the movie) had a very funny airport security scene.

bah, when I flew to Texas, I forgot there was a vibrator in that bag somewhere... and some other unmentionables.. the guy demans I open it up, then he sees it,
"ok carry on!"
_________________
current pics: drawings and some photos. http://www.dizzyhellfire.deviantart.com

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:17 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Naked and Famous



Joined: 23 Jul 2005
Posts: 1044
Location: Redmond, WA
 Reply with quote  

knikkki wrote:
knikkki wrote:

Travelling SUCKS sweaty elephant balls coated with cow smegma.



Gosh ... that's not very zen or lady like, is it?


You're being funny again.

Post Fri Mar 10, 2006 9:19 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Unc



Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 300
Location: South of FRANCE
Re: The Zen of Airport Security  Reply with quote  

"The fingernail scissors in your bag are not-self. They must be confiscated...do not be attached."

What is the sound of your flight leaving
With you not on it?

"Does a big belt buckle have Buddha-nature?" "Not on your life, buddy...take it off and send it through the scanner. Mu."

Airport security guard in New Mexico: $5.40/hour. Entry-level worker at the McDonalds down the road: $7.80/hour. Life is suffering.

Shuzan held out the offending gum wrapper that had set off the metal detector and said, "If you call this a gum wrapper, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a gum wrapper, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?" "I call it terrorism, buddy...now put your hands on the wall and spread 'em."

Zen Master Unmon said: "The world is vast and wide. Why do you take off your shoes at the sight of a boarding gate?"

One day as Manjusri stood outside the metal detector, the Buddha called to him, "Manjusri, Manjusri, why do you not enter?" Manjusri replied, "I do not see myself as outside. Why enter?" The Buddha clubbed Manjusri to the ground and called for backup.

Many flights leave from
This boarding gate
But at the destination
We all gaze at the
Same bright moon
- Ikkyu, sorta

I stand on one leg like a crane
Lost in the moment
While the other passengers gaze at me angrily
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
- Uncyu


Twisted Evil

If you meet the Buddha on the Internet, killfile him.

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 3:59 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Sara Leigh



Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 7385
Location: Virginia
 Reply with quote  

How many of you have experienced the latest screening device? I first encountered it at JAX. It looks like a portal from some old sci-fi movie. I had already removed my shoes, but then I had to put them back on to enter the portal, which had two footprints on the floor to show you precisely where to stand. The gate was closed in front with a security guy right behind it, to tell you what to do in case you hadn't read the instructions on the sign next to it. You're instructed to stand still, do not move! I think you're allowed to breathe. Then short puffs of air come out of the holes in the sides of the portal. Then it takes a minute to think about what that air has revealed. Finally, you're released from those footprints and can proceed to the next stage of screening, for which you still have to take off your shoes. But you're A-OK approved as not concealing anything that could possibly be a bomb. Well, except for those pesky shoes. Still not sure about them.

When I left DCA last time, there was one portal. I managed to avoid that line.

TSA, gotta love 'em. They're always looking for new ways to make your airport experience interesting.

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 7:01 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
zevon



Joined: 14 Oct 2005
Posts: 761
Location: SoCal
 Reply with quote  

"Here, let me stick this nice electronic wand in your crotch."

I flew every other week for about 4 months last year, and am proud to say I concealed a lighter both in my baggage (Zippo) and carry on (shitty cheap disposable) on every single fucking flight.

Anarchy, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about!

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 8:09 am   View user's profile Send private message
JennyO



Joined: 28 Apr 2004
Posts: 2775
 Reply with quote  

Joshu began the study of Zen when he was sixty years old and continued until he was eighty, when he realized Zen.

He taught from the age of eighty until he was one hundred and twenty.

A student once asked him: "If I haven't anything in my mind, what shall I do?"

Joshu replied: "Get a job with airport security."
_________________
"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Kurt Vonnegut

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 8:18 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Goudron



Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 2569
Location: near Cleveland OH
 Reply with quote  

Sara Leigh wrote:
How many of you have experienced the latest screening device? I first encountered it at JAX.


They have these bomb sniffers to get into the Statue of Liberty now too. Maybe they insert GW propoganda into your brain via inhalation.

Knikki, I admire your system and organization. I just frantically throw stuff into the boxes and hope I don't take too long. The people behind me always seem impatient, so I try to feign patience with whomever is in front of me.
_________________
White and feathery, yet crude and noisy, the chicken is the backbone of our farming community.

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 9:20 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Jilly
Guest




 Reply with quote  

Wire bra on, Wire bra off.
Cat out of carrier, put cat through scanner just in case no metal in cat, cat out of arms, chase cat through terminal, catch cat, put cat back in carrier, miss plane.

If you think I'm kidding, it actually happened at Logan Airport. I'm not bright enough to make these things up.

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 10:55 am   
Vahlee



Joined: 04 Nov 2005
Posts: 3675
Location: Not-so-back to school
 Reply with quote  

Jilly wrote:
Wire bra on, Wire bra off.
Cat out of carrier, put cat through scanner just in case no metal in cat, cat out of arms, chase cat through terminal, catch cat, put cat back in carrier, miss plane.

If you think I'm kidding, it actually happened at Logan Airport. I'm not bright enough to make these things up.


Shocked

Opps, lol
_________________
"The First Annual Boobathon Queen. "

http://www.upnorthgeorgia.org

Post Sat Mar 11, 2006 10:55 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic Reply to topic

Jump to:  
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next

Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 
Templates created by Vereor and Ken