You are given the ability to ace your tests without fail. However, you are stricken with a serious case of rigor mortus and are told to stay home during the midterm exam. A friend drops off the work and you write it down without getting a single answer wrong, however, in a fit of hysteria, your friend eats your homework. When you get back to school the next day, you explain to your teacher that your best friend ate your homework, but your best friend denies it (some friend!). Your teacher gets mad and tent-pegs you to the gym floor and flogs you with a deflated inner tube.

I wish I could leap fifty feet into the air without the assistance of a catapult.
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"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

You can leap fifty feet in the air. unfortunately, you are in a room with 8' ceilings and manage to knock your head clean out your ass.

As always, I wish I wasn't at work.
_________________
"It's like he channels dead crazy people."
-Brock Samson

thinkinsane at mac dot com
AIM: thinkpsychotic

You aren't at work. After a hostile takeover by the Elbonian nation, you were transferred to a job as a footstool for the Vice President and later fired on charges of lumpiness.

I wish I wasn't afraid of the ocean (or didn't live in Hawai'i).
_________________
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

You are no longer afraid of the ocean because you have given your Hawaiian house to me. In return, I have given you my house, with all the problems that go with it, in the middle of Dallas/Ft. Worth. Enjoy. I'll be working on my snorkeling skills.

I wish I hadn't had a glass and a half of cabernet last night.
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Talk about wasted technology. Until they also perfect
pee-at-the-pump, you still have to go inside the store.

You didn't. You had a bottle of hard-up rum the waiters were disguising as cabernet to drink after their shift. You're now face-down in your own drool, in a house in Hawai'i, shortly after the nine-inch rainstorm.

I wish Spyware removal programs actually worked.
_________________
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

You're spyware removal program does actually work but causes your computer to emit the odor of horseradish whenever you type or write the letter e and can never be uninstalled because it has been hardwired into your brain. This follows you from computer to computer for the rest of your life. You now spend all your time trying to find synonyms.

I wish I had a clue

You have a clue, but you have no puzzle to figure out and you live the rest of your life going slowly insane attempting to fit the square clue into a round world.

I wish I hadn't eaten those cheese nips.

You hadn't eaten the cheeze nips, you crushed them into a fine powder and snorted them up your nose. At least, that was what the doctor's diagnosis said when you were admitted into the emergency ward.

I wish there was something interesting on TV.
_________________
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

There is something interesting on TV, but your girlfriend/wife/mom/dog is watching Days of Our Lives and would sooner bite your hand off than give you the remote

I wish I could fly

you can fly, but only sometimes and you don't know when the flying will show up or will suddenly vanish. Like one minute you're flying 50 feet over a city and the next... SPLAT!

i wish i could get over the fact that my bf's psycho parents just forced him to dump me
_________________
Totus Floreo Totus Ardeo

http://katarinanavane.deviantart.com

http://katarinanavane.etsy.com

You do get over it. While watching "Days of Our Lives", your ex-boyfriend's father reaches for the remote and you bite his hand off. Now not only are you separated by parents, but by court order. But at least revenge was served.

I wish I had something better to do with my time than corrupt wishes.
_________________
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

Lonely Tylenol wrote:

I wish I had something better to do with my time than corrupt wishes.

You do have something better to do with your time. You get to shave angry cats. Loads of them. Tons of them. With no protective gear. While naked.

I wish I could stop playing this stupid video game and get some sleep.

[quote="Hillary" I wish I could stop playing this stupid video game and get some sleep.[/quote]

You have stopped playing the video game and are getting some sleep now; however your thumbs are growing in your sleep. It is a simple condition due to overuse. The muscles in your thumbs have developed well beyond any normal person and as you rest in resplendent slumber your thumbs are now too large to do you any use at all. When you wake in the morning you will have to take in what has become of your thumbs and face the fact that you are no longer able to work and the only thing you can wear is a Muumuu due to your thumbs being big and not being able to work buttons of zippers. So now you decide to hitchhike across the world with your only companion, a robot named Marvin. You know Marvin.

I wish it was as warm as yesterday.
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I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes. -HST

It was as warm as yesterday. Yesterday. But today you're freezing your butt off and huddling with a cactus plant for warmth.

I wish I hadn't forgotten my favorite game in Canada.
_________________
"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty and democracy?" ~ Mahatma Ghandi

Captain Obvious! Up, up, and away!

You didn't leave your favorite game in Canada, but you did leave your wallet.

I wish for cheesecake