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The Original, World Renowned, Melting Uranus Chili
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This is my original tried and true chili recipie. I developed this myself and have never had leftovers. Anytime the neighborhood found out I was cooking chili, I would have masochistic people lined up, bowls in hand. I have had people from as far away as Norway and the UK beg me for this recipie, my own mother doesn't have it, though she has tried all the shiftiest tricks in the book to get it. This is the first and only time it will ever be in print, enjoy! 
WARNING: THIS IS HOT. Not, " wow that certainly is warm going down," but HOT. KEEP ICE CREAM ON THE READY HOT. EAT ALL THE LINING FROM YOUR STOMACH AND INTESTINES HOT. THIS RECIPIE IS NOT ADVISED FOR PEOPLE WITH STOMACH PROBLEMS, HEART TROUBLE, ASTHMA, IBS, EXPECTANT MOTHERS, THE GENERAL INFIRM (THOUGH IT WILL BURN WHATEVER AILS YOU RIGHT THE HELL OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM), OR ANY ONE WITH A LICK OF SENSE.
4lbs ground pork (not sausage)
5lbs ground beef (the leaner the better)
(all of the peppers MUST be fresh. Please do not ruin this with peppers packed in vinegar solution or dried)
15 habanero peppers
12 jalapeno peppers
12 hungarian wax peppers
12 annaheim peppers
1lb or so chilis
3 large white cooking onions
6lbs of roma tomatoes
2 cans of Rotel chilis and tomatoes diced
1.5 cups balsemic vinegar
2 tablespoons oregeno
2tablespoons black pepper
2tablespoons salt
1 tablespoon tyme
1 small bunch fresh parsley
Brown and drain pork and beef, set aside. Chop all peppers (keep seperated, this is important) Only deseed 1/2 of the hababero and jalapenos, the rest chop au natural. Chop tomatoes and onions into small dice. Chop parsley.
sautee the onions until just transparent, do not brown.
In a BIG ASS POT, add the rotel, onions, tomatoes and simmer over LOW heat for about 10 minutes to further soften the onions and begin to break down the tomatoes. while this is happening, lightly sautee the peppers, one variety at a time (BE CAREFUL NOT TO INHALE THE STEAM FROM THIS OPERATION, IT HURTS LIKE HELL. THOUGH YOUR SINUSES WILL BE CLEAR) Sautee the habanero last and only for a few seconds to warm them up.
Add the chilis and jalapenos to the pot and turn heat up to medium. let simmer for about 15 minutes. Add the hungarian and annaheim peppers to the pot and again, let simmer for about 15 minutes. Add the habaneros, stir well, simmer for about 10 minutes. Add the meat. Simmer this for about 15 minutes. By now your walls should be shedding tears.
Add the balsemic vinegar, parsley, and spices, stiring well between each ingredient. When all ingredients are in the pan, cover and simmer for about 20 minutes.
Top with some cheddar and eat. I recommend LOTS OF TORTILLAS, as they absorb the pepper oil from your mouth as you eat them. This has a nice roubust flavor, once you get past the intial OMG IS THAT FUCKING HOT stage. For a milder chili, leave out the habanero. But it is still pretty warm. For desert, ICE CREAM IN ABUNDANCE, I hear it helps. I have never tried it personally, as it doesn't bother me.
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Socially irresponsible, morally irredeemable and pretty god-damned glorious to behold, so follow me bitches! @mremann
