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Addict

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lisa



Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Posts: 6789
Addict  Reply with quote  

Pathetic.
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Your religion, you miserable man, begins in your stomach and ends in a lavatory - Nodar Dumbadze

Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 10:28 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
Re: Addict  Reply with quote  

lisa wrote:
Pathetic.


Explain.
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Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 11:07 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Lynn



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2295
Location: SF
 Reply with quote  

Right, well, I really liked it.

Quote:

They burn like unrequited love,
For a stranger you meet every day.
Just one kiss and it would all be okay.


Really great lines. I think you do a great job bringing out the psychological cravings (does that even make sense?). The wanting something when you want to not want it.

The only thing I would suggest is to be more concrete. I feel like you're talking about something that (while very influenced by the psychological) is also very physical, and I don't see that as much in your poem.

Anyway, I liked it.
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Lynn, Reading Kafka in a hospital is generally redundant. Better just to wander the halls randomly opening doors.
--Ginjg

Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 8:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
 Reply with quote  

The physical side has been and gone, Lynn. It's hardly a memory now.
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Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 9:17 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
 Reply with quote  

Oh, and I get your point. I did try to work stuff like that in from memory, but I wrote this without really reading or understanding it. So I wrote what I felt and that really sums it up.

I still haven't celebrated.
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Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 9:50 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Lynn



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2295
Location: SF
 Reply with quote  

FattyFattyPorkFace wrote:

I still haven't celebrated.


Good boy.
_________________
Lynn, Reading Kafka in a hospital is generally redundant. Better just to wander the halls randomly opening doors.
--Ginjg

Post Thu Nov 02, 2006 10:43 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
lisa



Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Posts: 6789
Re: Addict  Reply with quote  

FattyFattyPorkFace wrote:
lisa wrote:
Pathetic.


Explain.


Main Entry: pa·thet·ic
Pronunciation: p&-'the-tik
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French pathetique, from Late Latin patheticus, from Greek pathEtikos capable of feeling, pathetic, from paschein (aorist pathein) to experience, suffer -- more at PATHOS
1 : having a capacity to move one to either compassionate or contemptuous pity
2 : marked by sorrow or melancholy : SAD
3 : pitifully inferior or inadequate <the restaurant's pathetic service>
4 : ABSURD, LAUGHABLE <a pathetic costume>
synonym see MOVING
- pa·thet·i·cal /-ti-k&l/ adjective
- pa·thet·i·cal·ly /-ti-k(&-)lE/ adverb
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Your religion, you miserable man, begins in your stomach and ends in a lavatory - Nodar Dumbadze

Post Fri Nov 03, 2006 8:44 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
 Reply with quote  

As long as you weren't meaning definition 3 or 4, I accept your explanation. Thank you Smile
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Twitter: jefftunes

Post Fri Nov 03, 2006 9:41 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
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