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I’M Better than You

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Mr Trout

Joined: 29 Nov 2006
Posts: 104
I’M Better than You  Reply with quote  

Little Jim was tellin’ big Bob
I’m better than you and all that you got

Bob said, “Oh yaaah,” and, “To heck with that stuff.”
“I’m the Bestest that’s been and I’m tellin’ you off
My mama gots warts and flea bites from a mangy ooole dog,
That ate my pet piranha who bit my big toe clean off,
It’s left me limpin’ every time I go to work at a feed mill that pays two quarters a day,
The feed mill went bankrupt and had to lay me right off
Compensation was two bales of hay
Mama sleeps on those bales with that dawg to this day
Mah, dog breathes piranha breath and I sleep in the corner
Wishin’ and hopin’ for a bit of that hay
To cover me up for a somberin’ sleep that goes until day.”

Little Jim said, “That’s all that you got?
That ain’t worth halfin’ that my spot.
In life my wife left me.
She rode off with the mailman on my horse and blue pony
All that she left me was a long tromboney
That I blows all night in symphonic hamboney.

My mama had warts ten times yours three,
They all have gangue green that oozes green seep,
That smelled like old bananas and had given me a tropical flu,
I went into a spell of sickness and dreadfulness that couldn’t be relieved.
On last Tuesday the second after the first,
I died a long painful death,
That brought no mourners, no mourners to my dirt.

And a my wife came to my grave
She danced on top with her new love
Then my pony and horse left piles of chips that stunk much the worst
Than your ole dog’s piranha breath
That I breathed for ten years
And I didn’t cough not once through crying tears.”

Big Bob said, “Oh yeah.”
And little Jim said, “It’s true.”

Then Big Bob went in tirades and fists he did threw
That landed no where but to air and they all just went through
Little Jim who stood and smiled,“I’m dead.”
Y’all can’t hurt me, cain’t you see?”

Big Bob held his head low and wept, “Then why are you ‘ere?”

“I’m your guardian angle that’s my job you big slug.”
“Yep it’s true; I would not tell a lie.
I’m sent by God to keep a keen eye, on you and your doin’s down here on the earth,
To see you off until you go to the dirt.”

“Hah, hehe, ho ho, ha he.”
“What are you laughin’ at,” asked little Jim with disglee.
“Don’t you see, don’t you see,” said Big Bob with much cheer.
“I’m worse off than you.”
“Oh no you are not?”
“Its true, its true can’t you clearly see?
Anyone with a man like you has a guardian angle tain’t got nothin’ to applaud,
I’m doomed, I’m doomed and it’s all your darned fault.
Thank you, oh thank you mah dear little Jim,
That is the best news I’ve got now I’m goin’ on home,
To sleep in piranha breath on a cold barn floor,
With my mama takin’ all that hay that I earned,
I will sleep in great peace knowin’ that,
You is the best thing I gots.”

Copyright WCDUNCan

Post Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:12 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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