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An Ohana Feast
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chelle



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 31
Location: WV
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mmm I might just starve to death on the island of cannibalism. I think I have the smallest family in the whole state of WV (oh, btw in this part of the state we generally are referred to hillbillies or rednecks. Either one will get us sufficiently riled up or puffed up with pride depending).

Dad would be stringy and mom is in too good of shape for any of us to even catch....even if she was napping. Have a distant aunt and uncle...easy prey (due to heart issues). I damn well don't want to eat them. I am pretty sure they taste like. well...anti-rejection drugs and other such drastic meds.

I am thinking my sister in law. Quite frankly I would do it just to shut up her incessant babbling about her...her and more her. Oh and did I mention it was all about her?. After my brothers motorcycle accident while he was lying in a screaming lump on the gurney with one crushed testicle and a total separation of his shoulder and a possible broken neck. All I damn well heard was how this was going to be a strain on their new marriage and Oh I dono...the rest kind of sounded like Snoopys teacher.

I cant eat my brother, I fear all the possible contaminants in his body. Actually, after my sis-in law....I am afraid I would be next. I would be second on the "fluffy" scale so I would roast up nice an juicy. Now mind you...perhaps we could slice off some fat and make a blubber stew or some such with out having to kill me outright. Methinks it is time to go on a diet. Embarassed

Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 10:53 am   View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
Karin



Joined: 08 Apr 2004
Posts: 101
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Re: Karin...  Reply with quote  

smartnfunnyfem wrote:
I need to know the story about the goat. Pleeeeeease?


Ok. When I was about 10 years old my dad decided that we needed a goat. Nobody ever figured out just why we needed a goat. Dad was an engineer at 3M - not a farmer or anything. So off we went and bought a goat. She was so little and cute...and then she grew up and started going off to visit the neighbors. My brother and I were the only ones to have the goat meet us after school at the bus stop. When Angel (the goat) got into the neighbor's house while it was being shown by a realtor, Dad decided it was time to put up an electric fence to stop Angel from escaping from her fence. So he strung up the wire (her "pen" was about 2 acres square) and plugged it in. To show Angel that she didn't want to climb over the fence anymore, Dad picked her up (full grown by this time) and put her nose to the fence. Why he decided to stand at the edge of a drop off I don't know. When Angel touched her nose to the wire she threw her head backwards, knocking my dad's glasses off and sending them both crashing through the brush & down the hill. Neither was seriously injured.

I could write a book on that goat. My brother gave her mouth-to-mouth & CPR when she got tangled in her rope (he's a doctor now), she jumped on people's cars, ate battery acid & insulation, etc....
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Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 11:14 am   View user's profile Send private message
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
Dinner Invite  Reply with quote  

Chris...you sure your real name's not Hannibal???

Bret, congrats on being a new uncle! Very Happy
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Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 4:18 pm   View user's profile Send private message
smartnfunnyfem



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 158
Location: West Chicago, IL (about 35 miles west of Chicago to be precise)
A doctor, a goat and an engineer...  Reply with quote  

Sounds

Last edited by smartnfunnyfem on Thu Nov 04, 2004 2:27 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:15 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
chris
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 3833
Location: People Republic of Northern California
Goat!  Reply with quote  

I'm glad you wrote about the goat. I was thinking about getting one, thinking that they were maintenence free. Ack!

Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:23 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
smartnfunnyfem



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 158
Location: West Chicago, IL (about 35 miles west of Chicago to be precise)
Karin - I'd buy that goat book!  Reply with quote  

Sounds like "All Creatures Great and Small" meets "Cheaper by the Dozen". I loved BOTH! Where do I line up? Diana
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Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:27 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Jo



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2742
Location: Near here, on Tuesdays, but just on the days that end with nth. Like 3nth.
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If she weren't already done gone to the big cornucopia in the sky, I would have to say I'd pick my hubby's grandma. What a critter!

For years she would call because she had cooked a big pot of stew/soup/something with cabbage and mold. "Come get it Jimmy!" And if Jimmy wasn't available.. "Come get it Kathy Ann or Martha Ann." (my name is Joanne). Wink

When you arrived to pick up the delectables you were ushered to the basement where the vat of food was kept. Not in the fridge. Basements are cool enough to store vats of porridge. Even on sweaty hot days because the vats were sealed in an inch of fat that made it's way to the top. I never went ice fishing and had to chizel through a foot thick hunk of ice, but I imagine it is much like this.

Mind you, this woman could shop. She never drove a car and we would taxi her to "K-Market" to do her shopping and right next to K-Market was a Sparkle Market grocery store. This is no lie, once a week, it was an eight hour adventure. She could spend 8 hours in a grocery store. Don't ask about the time we took her to to the open 24 hour store. Let's just say that the 1 am phone call saying "Jimmy, come pick me up, I'm ready to go home now." didn't go over too well.

I watched her once.. just 'cause I was young and dumb and I wanted to understand how anyone could spend that much time in a grocery store... and she explained dented corners on frozen dinners, fat content, and the more the merrier on meat, and best of all, cereal. Some had "Oak" in them. And some had "Week"... what you had to do was find the cereal that had both "Oak" and "Week". That was the most healthy. Oats and wheat nooo. Oak and Week. Laughing

Once, she called for us to come pick up some pizza. She had treated herself to "white pizza" and she didn't like it. They forgot to put the red sauce on it,,,, BUT!! she fixed that before passing it on to us and had poured Ragu on top of it for us.

She lived 76 years eating and living like that and was a happy women. I figure if I ate her I would not only never need an antibiotic, my family could save money on my funeral expences by either not needing embalming fluid... OR...if they choose to light me up, no charcoal fluid will be needed.
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Post Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:47 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Karin



Joined: 08 Apr 2004
Posts: 101
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Re: Goat!  Reply with quote  

chris wrote:
I'm glad you wrote about the goat. I was thinking about getting one, thinking that they were maintenence free. Ack!


Maybe if you got one that wasn't a descendant of Satan...
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Post Tue Sep 28, 2004 6:21 am   View user's profile Send private message
metallicagoaltender



Joined: 22 Sep 2004
Posts: 10
Location: Hell with Fluorescent Lighting
Re: Goat!  Reply with quote  

Karin wrote:
chris wrote:
I'm glad you wrote about the goat. I was thinking about getting one, thinking that they were maintenence free. Ack!


Maybe if you got one that wasn't a descendant of Satan...

You say that as though a goat being a descendant of Satan would be a bad thing. Wink


More on topic, the first to go in my Family Feast of Fun would be my Aunt V (name shortened to protect the guitly - ie, myself). She has no meat on her bones, and would barely even be a snack, but there's no way I'd be willing to spend an extended period of time on an island with her. There's even a shred of practicality involved, as she's always the one sticking up for which family member is getting mocked at family gatherings...having her out of the picture would make the rest of the decisions much simpler as well. Very Happy
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Post Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:06 am   View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Dvorah70



Joined: 27 Jul 2004
Posts: 155
Location: Not Quite A Cheesehead but Close
Die Yuppie Scum!  Reply with quote  

I think my family would roast my yuppie brother over the fire first.

He would be a bit stringy from all that damn cycling on his expensive bicycle (Lance Armstrong wannabee that he is), but tasty from all those tres expensive meals he's been out eating....

My husband's family would be a whole different story - they are from the Land of Giants (he calls me his midget and I'm 5'8") and would probably make a whole "Survivor" thing out of it. They are one of those families that says nasty things to each other on purpose....it's just plain weird and unnerving at times....
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Post Fri Oct 01, 2004 8:28 am   View user's profile Send private message
palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
family  Reply with quote  

Quoting CM:

And with all that, the M.C. stood and welcomed Lilly into her new family. And he said that because we all live on this small island, we all will have a part in raising this child, so itís only right that we all take part in this ceremony. (Everyone a generation above you is Auntie or Uncle, even if you canít trace blood.) And it was sweet and good and I was very happy for this new family, and Charlee and I were honored to have been included in this Ohana, this family.

- I read somewhere, Seven Mysteries of Life I think, that none of us are more distantly related than 30th cousin, and most of us are a lot closer, so that makes sense. The guy went on to do the math that showed our degree of relatedness to other species and even to plants. I think it's something like millionth cousin to palm trees, which is really neat because Mohammed wrote about our aunt the palm tree,,,

Or is that getting too serious for a thread on which relative to eat first?

Post Mon Oct 04, 2004 9:54 am   View user's profile Send private message
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
Chris/Cousin...  Reply with quote  

Quote:
Posted by palmer: I read somewhere, Seven Mysteries of Life I think, that none of us are more distantly related than 30th cousin, and most of us are a lot closer, so that makes sense.

My greatgrandmother was a Moore. Hiya Cousin!
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Post Mon Oct 04, 2004 10:30 am   View user's profile Send private message
palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
Re: family  Reply with quote  

palmer wrote:

- I read somewhere, Seven Mysteries of Life I think, that none of us are more distantly related than 30th cousin, and most of us are a lot closer, so that makes sense. The guy went on to do the math that showed our degree of relatedness to other species and even to plants. I think it's something like millionth cousin to palm trees, which is really neat because Mohammed wrote about our aunt the palm tree,,,

Or is that getting too serious for a thread on which relative to eat first?


Now I know why I brought this up! The point is, that if you're eating anything (organic, that is), you are eating a relative.

There, I knew I had a point. (Mohammed, too.)

Post Tue Oct 05, 2004 8:46 am   View user's profile Send private message
aiki14



Joined: 05 Jul 2004
Posts: 19
Location: philly burbs
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"Posted by palmer: I read somewhere, Seven Mysteries of Life I think, that none of us are more distantly related than 30th cousin, and most of us are a lot closer, so that makes sense."

This stimulated me to note, If I had chosen my cousin to be "dinner Guest" she would be my first cousin once and for all removed.
Jim
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Post Tue Oct 05, 2004 10:17 am   View user's profile Send private message
chelle



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 31
Location: WV
 Reply with quote  

mmmmm

I know that monkey boy (George Bush) isnt technically related to us but.....

I do have a nice recipe for Texas BBQ. Add one President and cook thoroughly.


Very Happy It's the happiest thought I have had all day!

Post Thu Nov 04, 2004 1:11 am   View user's profile Send private message Yahoo Messenger
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