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a parents paranoia
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girlEgirl



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6412
Location: olympia, wa
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yeah thats another thing i so dont want calico to take lightly, but i figure he can start dating when he's 25 or so.
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:10 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Joelibris



Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 7557
Location: Kraptapolis, NC, U. S. of DUH-HUH
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girlEgirl wrote:
Joelibris wrote:
Do what my mom did: She bought some food stamps from a friend of hers and made me go to the store with them. The lesson? Mess with drugs and you'll never make anything out of your life, so get used to using food stamps.


um..... there are quite a lot of people who use foodstamps that dont use drugs. also calico is growing up in a housing project., so im not sure the threat of poverty is gonna do the trick....


My mom was of the school that believed you must have messed up really bad to end up on foodstamps. (Like voted for NAFTA...)
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 3:20 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Deive



Joined: 16 Feb 2007
Posts: 2119
Location: ann arbor Michigan
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I didn't read everything before this so forgive me if I am repeating.

This topic is very dear to my heart. I have lost 3 relatives and 1 friend/coworker to drug abuse. I tried a few drugs in college and decided that it wasn't worth it. The thing I figured I'd always do with my kids (if I ever have any) would be to sit them down and tell them what was in the drugs. Do you really want to eat or drink rat poison and house hold cleaners? I don't know how effective this would be but Laveric says that it's what kept him from wanting to do any.

Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:23 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
alico



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 291
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girlEgirl wrote:
alico wrote:
zendao42 wrote:


I smoked nearly every thing you could think about (& probably a few things that wouldn't occur to you, though not always on purpose)
but I never touched a needle...


same here.. but i also ate and snorted plenty. needles seemed too personal, if it makes sense. nothing like a good overdose to quit experimenting Rolling Eyes


i happen to love needles but i hate to smoke anything. see this is why its hard to imagine myself as a good role model cause deep down i adore hard drugs. and i kinda miss life on the street.


on the street? Shocked

i don't like the drugs but the drugs like me..
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:27 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Robb



Joined: 05 Apr 2004
Posts: 557
Location: The world at random...
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Here's my take, I have 3 of my own ranging from 7 to 11. I've smoked my share (and probably yours while I was at it) back in the day. Since then I made a change or three simply because living in the back of a station wagon (a ford escort wagon to boot.) was just no fun. However, at this point the kid is all of 7. Horror stories and such are really not going to help. Being a concerned parent alone is the best first step in my book. And you have my utmost respect for doing what you've done.

I think maybe a good idea would be to get him around a positive male role model though. Mother is the name for God, this is true but a boy needs a guy's influence to shape the kinda man he'll become in later years. Try looking up a big brother program in your area or perhaps even a church program. I'm not saying you have to be a devoted member of the church or what have you, just see what's out there. I don't personally agree with most christian organizations. I'm more along the lines of being a zen jew actually. But you can't argue that most of them have their hearts in the right place. And the Big Brother organization is also a pretty good, time tested program that could give your boy someone who sets an example without the complications of being a "temp dad".

When he gets older and wants to know about that kinda stuff be open and honest with him. Tell him flat out that it's something that you did and enjoyed but let him know the consequenses of it. Let him know why you stopped. Yeah drugs are indeed a powerful draw but they take alot from you in return. Tell him that you made a choice, it was him or drugs. He was more important but, the fact remains; that with drugs it was definantely an either/or thing. There isn't room for both in that situation.

Sounds to me like you are a pretty amazing person and the kid could do alot worse. Wink
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:10 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Sephonae



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 5218
Location: New York
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Robb wrote:
Being a concerned parent alone is the best first step in my book. And you have my utmost respect for doing what you've done.
...
Sounds to me like you are a pretty amazing person and the kid could do alot worse. Wink


Ditto, to all of the above. Excellent advice re: good male role model, too.
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 11:34 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Aubie



Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 1428
Location: Bammer
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I did have a mentor...a guy older than me (that I had a friendship with not a sexual/romantic relationship) who had been though some stuff and helped me stay out of if. Even though I had both my parents, I still took the world of someone not related to me a little more seriously.
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:02 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Notdeadyet



Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 4056
Location: Midwest
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Oh, i forgot the two valuable rules...
1) The kids can call me ANYTIME and I will go get them. No questions asked. I will go pick them up......
and
2) I tell them to use me as an excuse! Is this giving them permission to lie? Yes. Is that really smart? I don't know. Probably not. as in
"OMG! I can't smoke that, my mom IS A PSYCHO! She would KILL me! She tests my urine!!!"
and "My mom says I can't go to that party at your house this weekend. She's so mean." Although I have occasionally stuck my foot in it because the kid will call and I'll be like "sure he/she can go" Then I have to call back and say "NO, they told me they cleaned the garage and I thought they did, but I just went out there and there is NO WAY! Kid lied to me to try and go to your party!"
So yeah, I lie for them... is that smart? Probably not. Does it teach them to stand up for themself? No. Does it allow them to save face with their peers. I think so. Yeah, I don't feel good about the lying thing. Embarassed


AND OMFG i could not make this stuff up if I TRIED! My kids had a great mentor, their sports physiologist, he was an ex marine, a marathon runner, extremely nice, very professional guy...
(the kids started with him right before their dad's last deployment (their dad lost all custody shortly after returning from deployment and he was thrown out of the Army)
and NO FREAKING CRAP after two years he tested positive for drugs and could no longer be their trainer.
THis guys credentials were impeccable. He co owned a large firm in Philly. The claim was he sold out as he no longer wanted to be an exec. He worked on contract for military in Saudi and Japan.
I was told only that the drugs were neither "soft" or steroids, so I'm assuming he was a cokehead.
My kids were DEVASTATED.
After having just lost all respect for their father for basically the same reasons.
In the end though, BOY did they learn. Both of those men had extremely enviable positions, money and lifestyles, and both of them lost EVERYTHING.
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 2:08 pm   View user's profile Send private message
girlEgirl



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6412
Location: olympia, wa
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[quote="Notdeadyet"]Oh, i forgot the two valuable rules...
1) The kids can call me ANYTIME and I will go get them. No questions asked. I will go pick them up......
and
2) I tell them to use me as an excuse! Is this giving them permission to lie? Yes. Is that really smart? I don't know. Probably not. as in
"OMG! I can't smoke that, my mom IS A PSYCHO! She would KILL me! She tests my urine!!!"
and "My mom says I can't go to that party at your house this weekend. She's so mean." Although I have occasionally stuck my foot in it because the kid will call and I'll be like "sure he/she can go" Then I have to call back and say "NO, they told me they cleaned the garage and I thought they did, but I just went out there and there is NO WAY! Kid lied to me to try and go to your party!"
So yeah, I lie for them... is that smart? Probably not. Does it teach them to stand up for themself? No. Does it allow them to save face with their peers. I think so. Yeah, I don't feel good about the lying thing. Embarassed

to me this is the epitomy of creative parenting. im willing to bet that you have already taught them to be honest and to stand up for themselves. its so cool that you realize that peer pressure is a force to be reckoned with. and that some things are more important than being perfectly honest in any situation, (who among us is?) like being safe. you should teach a parenting class. Wink
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
girlEgirl



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6412
Location: olympia, wa
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wow you guys are more supportive than well.....then i expected. i was sure that most of you would think me a little crazy to worry about this at such an early age.and some of you prolly do . but thats ok, sometimes i feel fairly isolated by my background and the fact that im still deeply dependent on a contoversial drug treatment.

almost every day im reminded how lucky im am that this amazing kid looks to me for guidance. its terrifying and humbling and exciting. for me its much easier to be a caretaker than a rolemodel.

by the way, calico was on the waiting list for a bigbro for a year, before we were blessed with a match. i cried like a baby when they called me because they had prepped me for a much longer wait. i couldnt be happier with the progress hes made with calico. he not only takes him to do amazing creative things (,things that mostly require a car which i dont have so he wouldnt usually get to do these things.) but whats great is that calico is just as happy to spend an afternoon doing chores at toms house. just having any man show an interest in him is a treat for my son. which is another reason im prolly jumpin the gun on the worrying about drug abuse, since kids without father figures are more likely to use drugs and alcahol.
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Post Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:29 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Wonko



Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 4787
Location: ...but it's a hot heat
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Notdeadyet wrote:

Yeah, I don't feel good about the lying thing. Embarassed


The only way that I can see this as being a lie is if you want them to go to parties that would involve drugs or alcohol or .... Although I don't know you personally, I have formed the opinion from your posts that you really don't want your kids getting into any situation like that.

Also, I assume that you that you have probably made it known to your kids the types of situations you would prefer they avoid. If, then, one of your children get invited to a party which they suspect would involve an undesirable influence, they would not be lying if they were to say their mom wouldn't let them go. (after all, the sentence: "I would prefer it if you didn't....." translates from parent language into the teenager language sentence: "I forbid you to....") and the metaphor of a mother so mad she would cause serious damage to her own child is just creative use of an example to explain your disappointment in a way that the friend would understand.
If I might make a suggestion, to avoid another occurence like the 'garage' phone call (which I think was a brilliant rescue, btw) try to remember to only give permission to your own child. If the friend calls, as did in your example, just say something like "Well... she needs to talk to me first." which would be true, because I'm sure you want to know from your child what the situation is... and it wouldn't be your fault if the friend wishes to interpret that as you most likely not allowing your daughter to go.

girlEgirl wrote:
i was sure that most of you would think me a little crazy to worry about this at such an early age.


I, for one, do not think it is at all too early to think about how to deal with this subject. Sure, your son may not ask about it for several years or possibly not at all. But he could ask tomorrow. Whatever the case, you've already started to think about what you're going to say, so you're not going to be at a complete loss for words when/if he does ask. When that time come, you may still not be sure what you are going to say, or you may have already found the advice here that will help you to give the perfect answer, but at the very least, if you feel you need a little support to get you through it, just remember those of us here who have who can see in your posts how much you love and care for Calico and would want to be there for you even if it can be only in spirit.

*My apologies for the long rambling post*
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Post Wed Jan 30, 2008 8:54 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
girlEgirl



Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 6412
Location: olympia, wa
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ive found the best parents never feel 100 percent about a lot of the big decisions. such is life.


and i like long rambling posts wonko on account of how they make my long rambling posts seem normal. Laughing

Exclamation thanks again everyone. Exclamation
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Post Wed Jan 30, 2008 9:19 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
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