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Ahh, and the Prologue emerges...

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Lloydface



Joined: 30 Nov 2004
Posts: 459
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Ahh, and the Prologue emerges...  Reply with quote  

At the dawn of creation –

“What do you think?” asked the Summoner.
“It’s not too bad.” Replied Aho, the King of the Gods.
“I think we did all right.”
“It’s actually rather nice, once you get used to it.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
“That’s what I just said.”
“Oh yeah. Nice though.”
“Damn straight.”
“Maybe we should show the others?”
“Yeah probably. Do we have to invite the Dark Ones as well?”
“Afraid so, big guy.”
“Oh poo.”
“Couldn’t agree more.”

“What do you think?” asked the Summoner about ten minutes later when the rest of the Gods had been summoned. They were standing among the stars, looking at the various planes of existence. The Gods consisted of the following (Listen closely, for I shall say this only once).
Tol: God of Duty and Justice. Stern but fair. Warrior, dark hair, big sword made of stars.
Hael: God of Truth and Light. Stern. Very conservative. Also a warrior, light hair, mace made of light.
Hean: God of Elves. Pansy. Likes to dance and sing. Sorcerer, looks like an elf.
Nalia: Goddess of Love. Beautiful and friendly. Sorceress. Wears a lot of red.
Ungala: Goddess of Fertility. Bountiful and beautiful. Sorceress. Wears a lot of purple.
Ynna: Goddess of Animals. Mad. Wears a lot of nothing (she’s the first nudist we know of).
Claire: Goddess of Clairvoyancy. Could see the future. Hard to sneak up on.
Thogrim: God of dwarves. Gruff but honourable. Hammer made of thunder, small and squat, big beard.
Dalla: Goddess of Gnomes. Very friendly, very small.
Right, so they’re the Light Gods. They’re in charge of the things that make humanity and life in general good. Then of course, there are the bad Gods. They’re called Dark Ones. They were made to balance out the multiverse (Multiverse because there are several planes of existence. Get it?)
The Devil: He’s the Devil. Sly and unfathomably evil. Looks like an angel, has black hair and a goatee. Kind of tall. Black feathery wings. Wears a bed sheet, or toga.
Zarus: God of Monsters. Ugly, smelly and rude. Good at fighting. Looks like a Cyclops (giant with one eye for those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting one.)
Kanoth: God of Senseless Slaughter and Random Violence. Insane. Has a thing for blood.
Groc: God of Orcs. Big and smelly, carries an axe. Insecure, likes to fight, kinda thick headed.
Demon King: King of Demons (duh). Has a name, its unpronounceable. Unless you’re a demon, which I sincerely doubt you are.
Agroth: God of War and Hate. Big and mean. Loves to fight. Has an axe made of hate. The Gods like weapons made of abstract emotions.
Dagus: God of Black Magic. Vain and evil. Likes ice.
Ria: Goddess of Lies and Trickery. Obscenely beautiful, dangerous. Has a pet wolf.
Okay so far? Now there are also some neutral Gods. They’re the Gods of Elements.
Fire: Big guy, you’ll warm up to him.
Earth: Bigger guy, tough on the outside, tougher on the inside.
Wind: Sly girl, plays hard to get.
Water: Cheeky girl, slippery when wet.
Death: Rather morose, a bit of a downer, but surprisingly fun at parties.

Now that you know who is who, we can get on with the story. Now, the world looks like a hamburger. They didn’t have hamburgers back then, but if they did, Aho would have said “Hey, this look like a hamburger to anyone else?” The bottom bun was the Abyss. That was the lowest plane of existence. It was a horrible place where only the most awful creatures went. That was the Demon King’s domain. Slightly above that was Hell, the Land of the Dead, which wasn’t just for sinners. Anyone who died went to Hell. It was only a select few who went to Heaven. Hell was split into different sections, depending on how decent and upstanding you had been in life. This was where the Devil ruled. Above Hell was the True Plane. This was where people and creatures lived. It was also the main concern of most Gods. It was also the biggest plane by far and was covered in oceans, mountains and canyons. This was the burger’s all beef patty. Above that were the elemental planes of earth, water, fire and wind. These were the gherkins and ketchup. And far above those was Heaven which was guarded by Hael and Tol. This was where the Light Gods lived (note: The Light Gods were not called that because they weren’t physically heavy. They were Light in the sense that they weren’t dark). The Dark Gods stayed where they could, mostly in the Abyss.

“What do you think?” asked the Summoner.
“It looks like a hamburger.” Said Claire.
“What’s a hamburger?” asked Tol.
“Never mind.” She replied.
“It is indeed impressive.” Tol said grandly.
“Cheers. We did a lot of work on it, we had a lot of late nights and early starts.” Aho said.
“Where’s my kingdom?” demanded the Demon King.
“Down there.” Said the Summoner, pointing.
“WHAT!?”
“The Abyss was hardly going to be on top. It is the Abyss, like. Not the ‘Top’.”
“You will pay for this!” He snarled and flew away on his black batwings.
“Can I KILL something now??” Kanoth shrieked. He tended to shriek a lot. He was a nervous fellow. He had that annoying kind of nervous voice which was always just at the point of breaking.
“No.” Tol said sternly. Tol did everything sternly. Even laugh. It’s odd to hear a stern laugh.
“Crunch” said earth, because that’s all he could say.
“I agree with him.” Said Hean.
“So where are all the creatures?” asked Ynna. The Summoner smiled.
“They are all down there. They’re living in the planes. Yours are all on the True plane. Go and visit them. They await us, we should all go.” He said, and within a heartbeat they stood in a grassy meadow, surrounded by thousands of different creatures. It seemed like two from each species, except for man. The Gods stood assembled in a long line. The animals hopped, flew, ran and swam to Ynna. The monsters thundered to Zarus. The dwarves went to Thogrim, the elves to He’ann, the gnomes to Dalla. The orcs charged at Gorc. Only the men and women stayed put. The Gods that were taken left to find their lands with their chosen creatures while man stood around waiting to be impressed. The Gods were not used to this. Aho stepped forward.
“This race is mankind. They have been told that they have a choice of Gods. You must show them your best qualities and what you can do for them.”
“I refuse to parade myself in front of these imbeciles! I am Dagus, all powerful God of Magic! You will bow to me or I will turn you inside out!” he screamed and caused an explosion of fire behind the humans. Some of the shadier humans followed him. Next up was Agroth. He merely made a threatening gesture with his axe and the burlier humans followed him with malicious intent. After him, Fire went up and said “Fire.” Some of the humans followed him. All of the Gods claimed some of the crowd until, at the end, only Tol, Aho and Kanoth were left. The upstanding and righteous looking humans followed Tol while the remainder followed Aho. Only one person remained. He was small and scrawny and smiled at Kanoth nervously. The God obliterated him in a fit of rage. The rest, as they say, is history.
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