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Sgt. Steve's Omnibus Xmas Post
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sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
Sgt. Steve's Omnibus Xmas Post  Reply with quote  

Merry Christmas, everyone. It's that time of the year when the students go home and even the professors take a few days off from their research and horn-dogging their more attractive grad students to pretend to be human beings with families. This of course means I'm at work, doing all that kind of disruptive computer stuff you can't do unless nobody important is using the computers. A lot of that stuff is slow and boring, so it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on things like board postings.

First off, a very merry holiday to everyone! May your days be filled with culturally appropriate good times, may none of you overdo except for the things that won't hurt you, and may we all come out of it with our credit cards intact.

First in our entertainment offerings for the season, let me hope that all of you can take fullest advantage of the Wunder Boner. I have no idea if it's still commercially available, but I'm sure you can all work up your local equivalent.

Next is a practical offering. Here are all the secrets for running a successful meeting, as documented in Sgt. Steve's Rules of Order. I'm particularly proud of the Rule of STFU, the instructions on how to entertain a motion, and the way everyone has to raise their left leg and say "Hubba-hubba!" Yes, we really run meetings like that.

Please remember that even though they're now available in box mixes, homemade Snicker Doodles and Peanut Butter Blossoms are two of the four mandatory Christmas cookies. The other two are Chocolate Pixies and Chocolate Pillows. I shall be posting the recipe for the latter shortly in Ginj's item. Chocolate Pixies remain a family secret.

For all the Divas around here I recommend the music of Amy Rigby. Anyone who writes sprightly songs with lyrics like this is a winner:

    You say you'd like to kill the man who broke my heart.
    You don't think he should be allowed to live.
    You say you want to shoot the dude who screwed me up.
    Me, I'm trying so hard to forgive.

    But here's his address.
    Here's his picture.
    Here's the make and model of his car.
    He works until 4:30.
    Then he hangs out at the topless bar
    with a girl on each arm.
    If he should come to harm,
    just keep it to yourself.
She'd fit right in around here. She also does a mean Johnny Cash imitation, for several senses of 'mean.' Ladies, she's been there and back, and took copious notes. Her anthology CD 18 Again is an excellent starting point. So what if she's now happily married and living in the south of France? She had to go through hell to get there and deserves every good thing that can happen to her.

Come to think of it, all you folks here deserve every good thing that can happen to you. For the upcoming year, may Delve and Laveric have a first anniversary that makes it worth the wedding, may Y have a gorgeous little baby that melts hearts at 100 paces, may Jilly win her suits and a fat settlement, may all our students ace an entire years worth of exams, may we all get personalized copies of Fool when the AG comes to our neighborhoods, and may all of us emerge from the recession untouched.

And if not, at least know that you're all appreciated.

Steve

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 12:26 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Jillybeans



Joined: 02 Sep 2004
Posts: 2247
Location: Cambridge, Massachusetts
 Reply with quote  

God I miss working for a university, Steve and AWWWWW he remembered me on my lonesome pine christmas. I'm making a holiday favorite for a friend and his kids: jambalaya, roasted asparagus with balsamic vinegar and cheddar dill biscuits. But this guy knows nothing about presentation. Go figure a 42 year old who serves everything out of aluminum foil containers. He brought down some tupperware!!!!!!!! Who the fuck serves food in tupperware. Do NOT ruin my food with tupperware. I shared my pound cake and gingerbread with my group of lady friends who all brought Dunkin Donuts. But may I have your permission to add something to the divas?

You don't need to kill the guy
just leave him to his own devices
wish him the best
but keep in mind that he'll do what he wants to do anyway.
this is Christmas
and do what I do
Make him dinner with all his favorites
then snicker, snicker, snicker.

Food does have it's magical properties. No I really won't do that. Really. I want him to live a long time. A long time. Because there was and is something I did love about him, but I just couldn't put up with him.
_________________
The world in which you were born is just one model of reality.
OTHER CULTURES ARE NOT FAILED ATTEMPTS AT BEING YOU:
They are unique manifestations of the human spirit.

Wade Davis (I knew there was a reason I liked Wade Davis)

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 1:12 pm   View user's profile Send private message
walk



Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Posts: 3329
Location: sittin here on mah porch with dis here gun
 Reply with quote  

that last bit reminds me i was thinking that maybe those of us who will be making the signing should offer to get signed copies for those who couldn't, with compensations or bartering of course.
_________________
"protestant heaven is in the basement of catholic heaven."
my dad

"there's just one more thing.... it's been emotional." lock stock and 2 smoking barrels

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 2:14 pm   View user's profile Send private message
leprrkan



Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 5089
Location: In the home stretch...
 Reply with quote  

Thanks, Sarge Very Happy
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"Jesus... is NOT a zombie... I shouldn't have to tell you that."

- "Bones"

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:40 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
JennyO



Joined: 28 Apr 2004
Posts: 2775
 Reply with quote  

Happy Christmas, Steve. Smile
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"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Kurt Vonnegut

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 3:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
JustAGirl



Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 2230
Location: North Carolina
Re: Sgt. Steve's Omnibus Xmas Post  Reply with quote  

sgt_steve wrote:
Wunder Boner.



That right there is a disgusting little appliance.


But Merry Christmas back 'atcha, Steve!
_________________
Mark it 8, Dude.

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:10 pm   View user's profile Send private message
vampirelover



Joined: 15 Dec 2008
Posts: 566
Location: Hunter Mtn., NY
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Merry Christmas Sgt. Steve!!

Nice sentimesnts.

Love the Amy Rgiby lyrics btw........
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~Amanda~

"I love you, even more than pie" -FOOL

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:32 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Sephonae



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 5218
Location: New York
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Holiday hugs, Sarge!
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<=== Dressing in dismal chic and maintaining her detached aura of aristocratic chill since 1985.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You can't wipe your ass with empty promises." - thread title, by walk

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 4:39 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Ginjg



Joined: 04 Sep 2004
Posts: 6617
Location: Los Angeles
 Reply with quote  

a happy and a merry to you and the entire Sgt_Steve clan.
_________________
To Learn is to Know
To Know is to Love
To Love is our aim

~~~~~~~

Why should we bother with immortality when we are eternal?

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 5:16 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Taco Bob



Joined: 12 Apr 2004
Posts: 1201
Location: Palm Falls, Florida
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Merry Christmoores to all from Taco Bird and myself. Mr. Green

Post Wed Dec 24, 2008 6:17 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Sara Leigh



Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 7385
Location: Virginia
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Merry Christmas, Steve! I'll be looking into Amy Rigby. Very Happy

Post Thu Dec 25, 2008 7:03 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
Amigo



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 2499
Re: Sgt. Steve's Omnibus Xmas Post  Reply with quote  

sgt_steve wrote:
Merry Christmas, everyone.

...Chocolate Pixies remain a family secret.

...


Harrumph! If you truly had the Christmas spirit, you would not deprive your so-called friends the recipe for this delectable goodie. Bah Humbug! Razz Laughing

Post Thu Dec 25, 2008 7:22 am   View user's profile Send private message
sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
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Sara Leigh wrote:
Merry Christmas, Steve! I'll be looking into Amy Rigby. Very Happy
If you're an iTunes user, I'll burn you a copy of my favorites list for her and bring it next week.

Post Thu Dec 25, 2008 8:30 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Sara Leigh



Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 7385
Location: Virginia
 Reply with quote  

I can do iTunes. Very Happy

Post Thu Dec 25, 2008 12:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
 Reply with quote  

Merry Christmastime
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Twitter: jefftunes

Post Thu Dec 25, 2008 12:32 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
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