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Wrote a little something, would like some feedback...

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friedgreenzombies



Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 4
Wrote a little something, would like some feedback...  Reply with quote  

Hey guys/gals/vampires/general other mishmash...

Obviously, it goes without saying that I'm a huge fan of Mr. Moore (have all his novels [except Fool, of course, which I'm waiting for eagerly...] and have turned several friends on to him).

Okay, so you escaped the parentheticals and brackets. Back with me?

I've written a little something that I'd like some feedback on.

www.friedgreenzombies.com

It's a novel. Good ole' boys, trailer parks, truck driving zombies.

Yes, it's free.

All I ask is that you download and gimme some feedback, should you either love it, hate it, or feel just tepid. Let me know what works for you and what doesn't.

Post Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:47 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Skippykelly



Joined: 08 Oct 2008
Posts: 933
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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Like it. Nothing specific yet. I'm still with Chet, Bob, and the other guy at the RV...
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Post Wed Feb 04, 2009 2:45 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Skippykelly



Joined: 08 Oct 2008
Posts: 933
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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One thing I've noticed so far is that the amount of chapters breaks up the flow of the story somewhat. I can see you're trying to move from one character / scene to the next, but it's distracting. I like the story and most of the characters, but I start to get interested and you move off sort of abruptly

Also - rattlesnakes don't live in a pond. They live in the desert. Cottonmouth snakes are water snakes though.

I'm just sayin...
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And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

Post Thu Feb 05, 2009 7:54 am   View user's profile Send private message
Vixen Jules



Joined: 19 Mar 2005
Posts: 420
Location: Serenity
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The Eastern Massasauga Rattlesnake is a venomous rattler found in Northern Lower Michigan in ponds and rivers. Just saying...
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Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.

Post Thu Feb 05, 2009 10:10 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Uptown_Toodeloo



Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 530
Location: St. Augustine, FL
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Skippykelly wrote:


Also - rattlesnakes don't live in a pond. They live in the desert. Cottonmouth snakes are water snakes though.

I'm just sayin...


I have a snake that lives in my pant...ohh, you said pond. Shocked My mistake. Never mind. Wink
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"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science." - Albert Einstein

Post Thu Feb 05, 2009 11:37 am   View user's profile Send private message
Skippykelly



Joined: 08 Oct 2008
Posts: 933
Location: Eugene, Oregon
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Vixen wrote:

Quote:
The Eastern Massasauga Rattlesnake is a venomous rattler found in Northern Lower Michigan in ponds and rivers. Just saying...


Wouldn't their rattles gat all soggy? What's intimidating about a soggy rattle?? Youd think they woulda thought it out before choosing to live in a swamp...
_________________
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'

Post Fri Feb 06, 2009 10:04 am   View user's profile Send private message
friedgreenzombies



Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 4
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Good points, all. I actually grew up in the small town mentioned in the book, right between two ponds... This part in the story is based on an actual memory of coming upon, well, a big-assed rattler in the middle of the gravel road.

I never got too concerned with the distinctions between rattlers/cottonmouths/copperheads. The general rule was "Get the hell outta dodge" if that was an option. The other was "Kill it if you can't."

I was actually considering a cottonmouth for that portion, but somehow got twisted around and mixed it up with a diamondback rattler (of which I guarantee you there are a lot in Bovina...) and there's the mixup.

Awesome job catching that. Mucho, mucho gracias.

Anything else?

Post Sat Feb 07, 2009 11:31 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
friedgreenzombies



Joined: 30 Jan 2009
Posts: 4
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Skippykelly wrote:
One thing I've noticed so far is that the amount of chapters breaks up the flow of the story somewhat. I can see you're trying to move from one character / scene to the next, but it's distracting. I like the story and most of the characters, but I start to get interested and you move off sort of abruptly

Also - rattlesnakes don't live in a pond. They live in the desert. Cottonmouth snakes are water snakes though.

I'm just sayin...


You know, that was one of my main concerns when I started writing this. I knew the scenes were clipping along at quite an accellerated pace - and I wondered if that would detract or not. When I finished, I said "Hmmm.. 90k words and 72 chapters...

The whole novel played like a screenplay in my head, and I have a background in TV, so I wrote the chapters like they were scenes.

Post Sat Feb 07, 2009 11:39 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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