LOOK AT ME, I'M NEW!!! GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!!

Well, after being a fan for about 5 or so years, scanning this message board every once and a while during that time, and finally creating a profile about two months ago, I've finally decided to join in on all the fun! Although I do not have pie, so I'll live with it if you fellow fans decide I'm not worthy.

Right now I'm a student, possibly working toward a degree in physics or math, to do something that will beat scrubbing the toilets at a Hobby Lobby in the middle of Missouri (my current employment and location in hell).

I'm thirty seven, have twelve kids (all by different women), can bench press about 380 pounds, own 5 horses, and am known to be a compulsive liar.

Anyway, I am currently reading Island of the Sequined Love Nun for the first time, and only two books away from finishing The Collection (Coyote Blue and Fluke), which I am then expecting some type of a reward from Mr. Moore himself, preferably my own tiny island (and a monkey named Jeff will be included I'm assuming). We get some form of compensation for sitting through all 12, right guys?

So far Fool is my favorite of Chris' spawns, followed by a tie between A Dirty Job and Lust Lizard. After that things get a little fuzzy, mainly because if I start thinking about more than three Moore books at a time the zaniness becomes too much and I have to reach for the nearest bottle of whiskey or syringe to bring me back down to reality.

Also speaking of reality, I'm actually 20, with no kids, engaged (and have pushed Lamb and A Dirty Job on her so far), and can barely lift a full can of Coke let allow whatever amount I made up above that I am too lazy to scroll up to see right now (I'm honestly shocked I find the energy to push these buttons down sometimes).

Which is why I need that fucking monkey Chris!

Welcome!

Have some cocoa, it'll warm for the strip search & tastes great with pie-
wait a minute, where's the pie?

Now, I've got plenty of b'day desserts left but the rest of these pie hounds ain't gonna let you off that easy...

Ya don't gotta bake it yerself, just tell us all about it-
I mean, if you're making things up anyway, why not make them tasty?

BTW, lemme know when you can bench press all 5 horses...

Hiya!

zendao42 wrote:

Now, I've got plenty of b'day desserts left but the rest of these pie hounds ain't gonna let you off that easy... Ya don't gotta bake it yerself...

Actually. I recommend baking it yourself. Don't let your future helper-monkey help you bake the pie.

...I don't trust monkey pie.
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Homeless people need more seasoning, use bath salts.

Before I have an angry mob at my doorstep:



Hopefully that'll make up for it.

I feel kinda stupid for writing an introduction and not even putting my name. So hi, my name is Shadoe Sundown Price. Nice to meet you all.

Now, when does the strip search commence?

CrispyHobo wrote:

Now, when does the strip search commence?

JOE! We got a live one! *sigh. When will these kids learn? Joe likes KEY LIME pie, not lemon meringue. Ah well. CrispyHobo? You're totally not gonna like Wednesdays.

Hi, and welcome!
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"Smacking yourself with a thawed meat-hammer never has a desired effect." - Jinxted

"Life's too short to get wrapped around the axle about the little things." - SK

-The First Law of Geography: Everything is Connected to Everything Else.

I would not recommend the monkey. He is British.

Hi and welcome. I'm not Canadian. I'm not even American. But I loves the pie.
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Your religion, you miserable man, begins in your stomach and ends in a lavatory - Nodar Dumbadze

So...you brought pie.
Haven't been strip searched.
Have ye een read the rrrules laddie!?
Are ye nekkid?
Sittin ona stack of Moore books?
Look a seagull!
*inspects pie for monkey hairs...*
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We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood.
But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." Dana Gould

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Your religion, you miserable man, begins in your stomach and ends in a lavatory - Nodar Dumbadze

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clowns are people too...people who want to hurt you.

Re: LOOK AT ME, I'M NEW!!! GIVE ME ATTENTION!!!!

CrispyHobo wrote:

We get some form of compensation for sitting through all 12, right guys?

The reward is many hours of enjoyment and riotous laughter.

The term 'compensation' makes it sound like you feel as if you completed some arduous task which was unpleasant in its undertaking, and would require no small recompense to make your suffering worthwhile. I trust that is not the way you meant it to sound. If you did, you are in the wrong place.
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Avoid being normal -- John Lennon

Quote:

The term 'compensation' makes it sound like you feel as if you completed some arduous task which was unpleasant in its undertaking, and would require no small recompense to make your suffering worthwhile. I trust that is not the way you meant it to sound. If you did, you are in the wrong place.

Oh, I know. But I only say it only in jest. The AG seems to have a good sense of humor so I'm not worried of offending.


And yes I am indeed naked and sitting on my Moore stack, right now wondering how I'm going to get this assprint out of my copy of Lamb.

CrispyHobo wrote:

Quote: The term 'compensation' makes it sound like you feel as if you completed some arduous task which was unpleasant in its undertaking, and would require no small recompense to make your suffering worthwhile. I trust that is not the way you meant it to sound. If you did, you are in the wrong place. Oh, I know. But I only say it only in jest. The AG seems to have a good sense of humor so I'm not worried of offending. And yes I am indeed naked and sitting on my Moore stack, right now wondering how I'm going to get this assprint out of my copy of Lamb.

Tis customary to place a towel or other such barrier twixt thine sweaty arse
and the holy tomes which are the books of The AG. n00b.
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We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood.
But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." Dana Gould

Welcome, Crispy.

Hey, WTW, 'twould appear you now have a Fruitbat with whom you may indulge your evil math-ish tendencies.

::shudders::
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<=== Dressing in dismal chic and maintaining her detached aura of aristocratic chill since 1985.
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"You can't wipe your ass with empty promises." - thread title, by walk

Math huh? We don't be takin kin-dly to random numbers round here...

Dough, *spits into a copper pot* you did be resistin ta make one of dem smart peoples math jokes by posting "Pi" in place of da eats. *spits into a copper pot then sniffs loudly* I guessin you might be alright round these parts den...

Whew, now that I have that out of my system. Welcome!

Hallo, Hobo!
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Whaaaa?