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just a wasp

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palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
just a wasp  Reply with quote  

Hello guest, whoever ye be...

You invited comments on the ending...

I liked the story. I felt that I wanted a little more from the ending, however, what I don't know. It's a neat vignette.

You didn't ask about anything else, but I can't resist.

Your use of profanity was excellent with the following sole exception:

Violation of rule #87 -- the juxtaposition of "fanny" and "fuck" is forbidden, alliteration notwithstanding.



Cheers,

John Palmer


P.S. -- Is the writer of the story a true "guest" or is someone getting cute?

Post Sat Aug 21, 2004 12:08 pm   View user's profile Send private message
graeme



Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 15
Location: scotland
 Reply with quote  

Thanks for your comments, Palmer. Appreciate the response. Originally, Just a Wasp (and Something Orange, which I also posted) were sections from a novel I'm procrastinating over, but recently I've started writing these 'vignettes', basically because I'm too lazy to write an entire novel, but also because I sort of like them. So I was just wondering if anyone thought they worked.

I can't help wondering if 'your use of profanity is excellent' will turn out to be the best criticism I'll ever get, although I'm not sure what you meant by my breaking of rule #87. I'm pretty thick, y'see.

Yeah, the guest thing: I wasn't logged on and couldn't be arsed going back in to change it.

Anyway, thanks again.
_________________
"You go to bed, honey. I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up round here."

Post Sat Aug 21, 2004 4:42 pm   View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
 Reply with quote  

graeme wrote:
I can't help wondering if 'your use of profanity is excellent' will turn out to be the best criticism I'll ever get, although I'm not sure what you meant by my breaking of rule #87. I'm pretty thick, y'see.


There is much more to say about it than complimenting your use of profanity. I liked the rhythm and naturalness of it. I also liked the interactions between the two characters, and the male/female thing rang true. I also generally liked the pacing, although it could have been tightened up in a few spots, I thought.

Rule 87? I made that up. It just seems like "fuck" and "fanny" don't go together -- I could ,ake a very, very bad joke about it, although I won't, although I guess I just did.... "Fanny" sounds a little prudish. while "fuck" most certainlyu does not. "Fanny" therefore suck out. Maybe it sounds different in Scotland.

BTW, two of my grandparents were from Scotland, and I have a tremendous affection for the place even though I've never been.


Cheers,

John Palmer

Post Sat Aug 21, 2004 7:53 pm   View user's profile Send private message
graeme



Joined: 06 Aug 2004
Posts: 15
Location: scotland
fanny: the rules  Reply with quote  

Official: John Palmer is a very nice man. Ta for the comments. Just so you know, a fanny over here is an idiot, or someone who's done something stupid. Although technically it means . . . well . . . pussy, if you want to call someone a pussy you just call them a pussy. Don't blame me, I just live here. BTW: do you know where your granparents are from? Definitely come over if you get the chance. The place needs a population transplant but it's damn pretty to look at.
_________________
"You go to bed, honey. I'll bag the Nazi and straighten up round here."

Post Sun Aug 22, 2004 4:05 pm   View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
Re: fanny: the rules  Reply with quote  

graeme wrote:
Just so you know, a fanny over here is an idiot, or someone who's done something stupid. Although technically it means . . . well . . . pussy, if you want to call someone a pussy you just call them a pussy. Don't blame me, I just live here.


Over *here*, your fanny is your rmp, ass, backside, derriere, etc. But it's the kind of word that my parents used to use (and they were born circa 1910!), and has a very prudish cast to it -- plays differently on this side of the pond, eh?

Quote:
BTW: do you know where your granparents are from? Definitely come over if you get the chance. The place needs a population transplant but it's damn pretty to look at.


They were from a little town outside Glasgow that eventually got absorbed by it -- the name escapes me. They were "Burrows". Hope to make it there one day.


John Palmer

Post Sun Aug 22, 2004 7:35 pm   View user's profile Send private message
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