Chapter 20:

"he had been raised a good Catholic man who, like his father, would provide for his family and no more than two or three mistresses."

"He, a good man, who cared for his family, had never hit his wife, had only cheated with a second cousin and never with a white woman, had been undone by the curse of the blue devil's pussy. La maldicion de la cocha del diablo azul."
This one is loaded with crack-up moments. My parents had to come in and check up on me.
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You look like a drunk nympho passing out in a alley.

"So, Wednsday, you do know that Buffy isn't real, right?"

"Bitch"

YS was a lol'fest.

Abby: "So I like slept till eleven, because we're on Christmas break, only it's called winter break now because Jesus is AN OPPRESSIVE ZOMBIE BASTARD AND WE DO NOT BOW DOWN TO HIS BIRTHDAY! At least not at Alan Ginsberg High School, we don't. (Go, Fighting Beatniks!)"

The bit about Abby killing her nintendog (because it had iParvo) to prove her gothiness had me stitches, too.
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Homeless people need more seasoning, use bath salts.

I always did like
"You're perky, and your iDog has eParvo!"
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Avoid being normal -- John Lennon

"You just wanted to bang a smurf"
I use that line to get my friends into reading the book.

There are zillions, but one that sprung out at me:

"Luckily I have an extensive martial-arts background from watching anime with Jared and I knew that one must never bone the sensei."
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Good Mungle blaith our meathalls
Woof mebble morn so green the wheel
Staggaboon undie some grapeload
To get a little feel
of my own faulty bagnose.