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Actual letter to the Royal Bank of Canada

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Paul R



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 1827
Location: Kiribati
Actual letter to the Royal Bank of Canada  Reply with quote  

Dear Royal Bank of Canada Olympic Sponsor Coordinators.

My name is Paul Grimes and I run a rather sprightly football club called Real Ale Madrid. We have two teams within the club, one team playing Sundayís in the Halton Peel over 30ís league, the other plying their trade in the Soccer City Outdoor league. The reason for my letter is that I believe with adequate funding I can supply Canada with a team we can all be proud of to qualify for the Beijing Olympics in 2008.
I realize of course that I will have to also convince the Canadian Soccer Association that to enter our team would be better than promoting the up and coming young soccer stars in this country. However I believe that will be a doddle. All I have to do is compare previous Olympic qualifying records of past squads to my teamís enviable record in the two leagues we play in. Why a couple of years ago we swept all the trophies available for us to win. When was the last time that an under 23 Canadian National team can make that claim? Never! I hear you chortle over your morning Nescafe. I was also inspired by your commercial involving the 1948 gold medal winning RCAF Flyers hockey team that was hand picked by an actor from a 2004 casting agency (figure that one out Einstein!!). How that young man managed to do that in what? 45 seconds of acting? I will never understand. So I propose that starting immediately your generous organization begin giving every player on my team cushy VP jobs in various pointless departments (You must have one of two of those around eh?). This will allow all of these fine young and not so young men, to skip off work early and train at our state of the art facility/pub/curry house. Oh did I forget to mention that we will need you to build that state of the art facility/pub/curry house? Sorry about that. We will need the Royal Bank in conjunction with a top class architectural firm to get the gold shovels out and break ground on our new state of the art facility/pub/curry house. If my Mayan calendar is correct, Olympic qualifying in menís soccer starts in 2007. This only gives us three years to pull all the various strings together so we had better get cracking!
I can imagine you have one or two questions in regards to my coming cap in hand for funding such as this so I am at your disposal 2 hours a day, 1/4 day a week. I look forward to working with your prestigious organization as we both strive to give Canada a team we can all be proud of.

Regards

Paul Grimes.
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'la putain et le moitier-voleur ont perdu leurs boucliers de gencives pendant le dessus-dessous'

Post Wed Aug 18, 2004 9:22 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
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