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Dear Santa
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V Mark Covington



Joined: 21 Nov 2007
Posts: 1
Dear Santa  Reply with quote  

Dear Santa,
I have been relatively good this year and on all those other occasions I can explain….But if you know who’s been naughty and nice then you probably also have the technology to monitor the reasons for the not so nice stuff I’ve done, (probably little microscopic nanobots in the shape of sugarplums entering folks ears and dancing in their heads) so you know it was justified. Anyway my list is short, one item but I need to get very specific on the attributes of this item. What I want is a literary agent to promote my books or a publisher to make an offer, specifically an agent and/or a publisher who:

• Will actually read a synopsis I submit and not just send a form letter that says “not for me”… what does that mean anyway?
• Will not, upon reading the synopsis, requesting three chapters, then request the whole book, then say “I loved the story, but I didn’t like the way you told it” (Thanks Penguin).
• Will not say “I think it’s a great work for another agent but it doesn’t speak to me.”
• Will not say “It speaks to me but I don’t feel passionate about it.”
• Will not say “I love your book but it needs editing, please send me a bag of money in unmarked bills and I’ll get back to you.”
• Will not say “I’m sorry but I am temporarily retiring from in the literary agent business for the next 6 to 10 years”.

Santa, writing books is a tough industry to break into, but I feel that someone with your connections could twist a few arms, make some “lump of coal” threats, maybe set fire to a bag of reindeer poo at the door of a few publishers. Or you could go the nicer route and deposit copies of Bullfish in all the good boy and girl agent’s stockings. I can get them for you at an author’s discount. I will allow 6 weeks to two months for you to get back to me with a form letter.

Mark

Post Mon Nov 26, 2007 1:04 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
leprrkan



Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 5089
Location: In the home stretch...
 Reply with quote  

If you send me a bag of unmarked bills, I'll publish your book. Not that I'm a publisher or work in a publishing house mind you, but I have access to staples and a copy machine. Just sayin... Wink
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Post Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:42 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Mark Covington



Joined: 13 Apr 2007
Posts: 4
Location: Richmond, Virginia
 Reply with quote  

Thanks,but can you get it on the shelves at Barnes and Noble and slide it across Harvey Weinstein's desk?

I had Bullfish published (vanity press), you can find it at http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?z=y&ATH=V%2E+Mark+Covington

And Chris liked it, it's a lot like his stuff, but I need an agent to get it off the ground.

Post Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:21 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
leprrkan



Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 5089
Location: In the home stretch...
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Sure, I can put it on the shelves. You just walk in with the copies under your coat and put 'em in when no one's looking Very Happy
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Post Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:42 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Amigo



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 2499
 Reply with quote  

Mark Covington wrote:
Thanks,but can you get it on the shelves at Barnes and Noble and slide it across Harvey Weinstein's desk?

I had Bullfish published (vanity press), you can find it at http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?z=y&ATH=V%2E+Mark+Covington

And Chris liked it, it's a lot like his stuff, but I need an agent to get it off the ground.


For what it's worth, Mark, I've ordered a copy. I'll also check with my local library to be sure they have it as well.

Good luck!

Post Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:01 pm   View user's profile Send private message
leprrkan



Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 5089
Location: In the home stretch...
 Reply with quote  

gracie wrote:
we talked about that before. Chrris called it "shop putting" instead of shop lifting.


Aha! So there'd be a precedent if I were caught... Twisted Evil
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Post Thu Nov 29, 2007 5:34 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
German Goddess



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Great State of Texas
book?  Reply with quote  

Covington,
Perhaps you should have published your other book first. It was a lot funnier and would have appealled to a much larger audience. Bullfish is a great book for those of us who are blessed with an IQ greater than 135 and an open mind not limited to the thoughts and opinions of the majority.
Those of us who have read your unpublished book, "The Church of the Path of the Least Restistance" agree that it would have greater appeal to a larger audience. It would even make a great movie with all the simple but yet hillarious characters. While this may or may not be your goal to appeal to those that only read at a eighth grade education level, in order to sell it would be helpful.
And in regards to the Dear Santa comments. . . Good? You say you have been good? Well, I guess there is hope in the world after all . . . lol.
German Goddess Wink

Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 6:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Kar98



Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 3170
Location: Dallas, Texas
 Reply with quote  

A German goddess in the state of Texas? Color me intrigued.
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Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:11 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
German Goddess



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Great State of Texas
Intrigued?  Reply with quote  

In East Texas I guess you are intrigued! So easy to get lost in the Piney Woods with every direction looking the same as you come and go. Once long ago the minks roamed that area only to be removed one by one by my ancestors to people to look good on the boardwalk. Hopefully you get out once in awhile. . . and as for being German . . very much so . . hard headed, determined and way too logical.
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Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 8:38 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Klari



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 4734
Location: Portland, OR
 Reply with quote  

Kar98 wrote:
A German goddess in the state of Texas? Color me intrigued.



Hey, I visited once, but we know how that went...
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Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message
German Goddess



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Great State of Texas
unique experience huh?  Reply with quote  

Gee, did you get raped by a Texan or what? You would know if you did, the body parts would be only so big, the belt buckle would be the size of Montana and they would talk all the way through it . .
Did I guess correctly?
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Striving to understand a crazy world and all it's sanity . . .tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow . .

Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:52 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Klari



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 4734
Location: Portland, OR
 Reply with quote  

Not raped, but I did get mind-fucked. Not necessarily by the guy either. It was somewhere between Twilight Zone and Deliverance and despite what our dear Kar98 may allude, the eccentricities of his town are not nearly so charming or interesting as those Southern quirks portrayed in contemporary entertainment, such as Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
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"It's like Mr. Scrappy you bite Coco. Coco, you bite him back. Soon you are both having worms, eating your own poopech..." -Zohan in You Don't Mess With the Zohan

Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 9:58 pm   View user's profile Send private message
German Goddess



Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Posts: 9
Location: Great State of Texas
 Reply with quote  

Twilight Zone yes. . . Deliverance . .no that is reserved for West Virginia and Arkansas . . . Any one that you met here that reminded you of Deliverance was an immigrant at best . . . but since we cannot build a great wall about us to keep the insane out or keep the intelligent ones from leaving due to the insanity of or our wonderfully sanctioned immigration laws, I guess we are at liberty to deal with the onslaught of people who continually cross our borders.
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Striving to understand a crazy world and all it's sanity . . .tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow . .

Post Sun Dec 16, 2007 10:03 pm   View user's profile Send private message
zendao42



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 13570
Location: Somewhere in a galaxy near you
 Reply with quote  

Kar98 wrote:

A German goddess in the state of Texas? Color me intrigued.


GG, he won't really be interested unless you're married... Razz

Post Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:40 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Amigo



Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Posts: 2499
 Reply with quote  

German Goddess, please do stick around and post often. You're a breath of fresh air, and would be a wonderful addition to all the insanity here...to say nothing of the fact that the repartee between you and Kar98 alone could be immensely enjoyable. Smile

Post Mon Dec 17, 2007 4:40 am   View user's profile Send private message
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