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Please Allow Myself to Introduce... Myself
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JohnQRotten



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 85
Location: Baltimore, MD
Please Allow Myself to Introduce... Myself  Reply with quote  

My name is Gary. I'm 31, married with two kids, ages 7 and 5. I'm a Marylander, born and raised, but I secretly hate steamed crabs (don't tell any of my neighbors or they'll form a lynch mob). I am the epitome of overeducated, underemployed liberal. I have a degree in Film that I'm not using and I gave up on a degree in German when I was just 4 credits shy. Instead, I work as a counselor at a halfway house for people recently released from the state mental hospital. We have a number of people who were judged "not criminally responsible" for some fairly heinous crimes, including but not limited to murdering their own brother, raping an old lady, and holding an immigrant family hostage. Don't worry; They're all medicated and stable (we think) now.
When I'm not babysitting the criminally insane, I enjoy reading. My favorite author is (of course) Chris Moore. I started with You Suck (the title caught my eye in my Sci-Fi Book Club catalog) and then continued with BSF, Lamb, A Dirty Job, Fluke, Practical Demonkeeping, Love Nun, and most recently the Stupidest Angel (which I read over Christmas, appropriately enough). I have Lust Lizard and Coyote Blue coming in the mail. I've also recently enjoyed the Watch series by Sergei Lukyanenko (the part that has been reprinted in English), the Monster series by David Wellington, the Nursery Crimes series by Jasper Fforde, and the zombie books by Max Brooks.
From what I can gather by reading this forum, pie is expected so I've brought some key lime pie. I've also heard some rumblings about a body cavity search. Just know that you'll need some tongs to get by the unsprung rat traps I've left up there.
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"If you were one big hand, you'd never have the chance to kick *ss" Kim Deal & the Amps

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 6:45 am   View user's profile Send private message
leprrkan



Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 5089
Location: In the home stretch...
 Reply with quote  

Hmmmm... you babysit nutjobs... I think you'll probably set a record for the noob with the quickest acclimation to the board, since this will be just what you're used to Laughing

Welcome ! Get naked, read the rules, and you better hope that that Key Lime is good stuff, I hear Joe's stopped using lube on his ACBCS Very Happy
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"Jesus... is NOT a zombie... I shouldn't have to tell you that."

- "Bones"

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:51 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
Joelibris



Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 7557
Location: Kraptapolis, NC, U. S. of DUH-HUH
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Howdy! Welcome to the boardello! You like Jasper Fforde, so you can't be all bad. Though I still must administer your Ann Coulter Body Cavity Search, I will actually use lube. I still want my key lime pie, though. Before you ask, the reason is that Ann Coulter is one sneaky bitch, and could be hiding anywhere, rat traps or not.
_________________
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
delusional minority and by the mainstream media which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."


Last edited by Joelibris on Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:32 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:11 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Sephonae



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 5218
Location: New York
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Welcome! I like the Max Brooks too, though I've only yet read the first one, Zombie Survival Guide. From the cover it looked like a laugh, but once I started reading it and saw the very matter-of-fact tone with which he treats the subject, I started to get this sinking feeling...Still, it's an excellent primer!
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<=== Dressing in dismal chic and maintaining her detached aura of aristocratic chill since 1985.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You can't wipe your ass with empty promises." - thread title, by walk

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:26 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Wingnut



Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Posts: 2602
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia
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Welcome, Mr. Rotten!

Hmmm...looks like Joe's got the usual cavity search...in hand, as it were...

Enjoy! (Or not, doesn't really matter, he's gonna do it anyway...) Laughing Laughing
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"Smacking yourself with a thawed meat-hammer never has a desired effect." - Jinxted

"Life's too short to get wrapped around the axle about the little things." - SK

-The First Law of Geography: Everything is Connected to Everything Else.

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 9:56 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
alico



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 291
Re: Please Allow Myself to Introduce... Myself  Reply with quote  

i like how you said fairly heinous Wink
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if winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 11:29 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
fortune cookie



Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 10534
Location: Easy street
 Reply with quote  

Outpatient Clinic for the Criminaly Insane?
Methinks, you'll fare well here.
Have at 'em.
_________________
We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood.
But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." Dana Gould

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:36 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Joelibris



Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 7557
Location: Kraptapolis, NC, U. S. of DUH-HUH
 Reply with quote  

fortune cookie wrote:
Outpatient Clinic for the Criminaly Insane?
Methinks, you'll fare well here.
Have at 'em.


Nutjob: "Man, I could totally rape an old broad!"

JohnQ: "No weekend pass for you!"
_________________
"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a
delusional minority and by the mainstream media which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:43 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
alico



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 291
 Reply with quote  

Joelibris wrote:
fortune cookie wrote:
Outpatient Clinic for the Criminaly Insane?
Methinks, you'll fare well here.
Have at 'em.


Nutjob: "Man, I could totally rape an old broad!"

JohnQ: "No weekend pass for you!"


more like: i'm sure i gave you a pill, you nutjob!
_________________
if winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:45 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
fortune cookie



Joined: 18 Mar 2006
Posts: 10534
Location: Easy street
 Reply with quote  

I can just imagine JohnQ singing as he walks down the halls.
"C'mon a my house, a myyy house I'm gonna give you caaandy." Laughing
Or I would in any case. Twisted Evil
_________________
We all enter this world in the same way: naked; screaming; soaked in blood.
But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." Dana Gould

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:48 pm   View user's profile Send private message
alico



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 291
 Reply with quote  

if you really want to have them at a place where they can locate you as the pills wear off ...
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if winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 12:56 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
zendao42



Joined: 05 Sep 2006
Posts: 13570
Location: Somewhere in a galaxy near you
 Reply with quote  

Very Happy Welcome!

I see the important things are already in order,
so I'll just make the traditional offer of cocoa to warm you for the strip search...

Got a whole pot of cocoa in the lounge, folks-
as you were... Cool

Post Sun Dec 30, 2007 8:29 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
JohnQRotten



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 85
Location: Baltimore, MD
 Reply with quote  

Thank you all for the warm (although somewhat clinically intrusive) welcome!
Actually Joelibres, I wish the nutjobs were that open about their intentions. Many of them are clever enough to pretend they're not delusional. The one who raped the old lady is actually a pretty nice guy. It's just that he's schizophrenic and when he's off his meds the voices tell him that everybody wants him.
Sephonae- You should really read World War Z by Max Brooks. It's my favorite non-Moore book. It's a horror novel, a military thriller, and a social and political satire all rolled up in one. And it just came out in paperback so it's not too $$$ to take a chance on.
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"If you were one big hand, you'd never have the chance to kick *ss" Kim Deal & the Amps

Post Mon Dec 31, 2007 2:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Sephonae



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 5218
Location: New York
 Reply with quote  

I totally saw the paperback version of Zombie Wars this week, and I was oh, so tempted...read some snippets and was OH SOOOOOO TEMPTED!!!!

But I'm trying to finish up a project and I know if I start reading now, I'll be hosed. So I think I'll get it for myself for Valentine's Day. Very Happy
_________________
<=== Dressing in dismal chic and maintaining her detached aura of aristocratic chill since 1985.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You can't wipe your ass with empty promises." - thread title, by walk

Post Mon Dec 31, 2007 6:09 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Sephonae



Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 5218
Location: New York
 Reply with quote  

Sorry, forgot the title. World War Z!!!!! (And this with no drink!)
_________________
<=== Dressing in dismal chic and maintaining her detached aura of aristocratic chill since 1985.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"You can't wipe your ass with empty promises." - thread title, by walk

Post Mon Dec 31, 2007 6:10 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
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