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What to think?
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Jo



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2742
Location: Near here, on Tuesdays, but just on the days that end with nth. Like 3nth.
What to think?  Reply with quote  

So, I really don't know what to think. As you know, mom is in really bad shape. Hospice basically told us that she's shutting down. She slept for 3 - maybe 4 days. They said that without water she would dehydrate and to give her IVs at this point was just delaying the inevitable. We all understood that and accepted it. None of us want her to suffer and her life is miserable now.

Going in to see her, truthfully is torture for me, but I go. It's a twisted sort of thing. I want to see her and I don't.

Today, I go in and she's awake after 4 days and staring at the ceiling. I speak to her and she follows my voice and looks at me and I know she knows me. Big surprise. She tried to talk, but couldn't.

The nurse bounces in all happy and excited and says she ate food and drank 3! glasses of water. She promises my mom a special dinner that she will personally ask the kitchen to prepare just for her. They truly truly love my mom. And I am so grateful for all her caregivers. They are wonderful.

Is this "The rally" that Chris speaks of in A Dirty Job?

I just don't know. The thoughts that go through one's mind during such an experience are really, really surreal. I'll say that much.

Is it wrong to feel almost sad to see her still here? And it's an almost sad because you are almost glad too, to see her eat and drink. But you know too (and you tell yourself this) that as frail and weak as she is, that it is nothing to come back to.

I'm babbling and I'm going to shut up now. Sorry. I just needed to think this all out. I welcome your opinions and experiences on this one.
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Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:21 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
lisa



Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Posts: 6789
Re: What to think?  Reply with quote  

Jo wrote:


Is it wrong to feel almost sad to see her still here? And it's an almost sad because you are almost glad too, to see her eat and drink. But you know too (and you tell yourself this) that as frail and weak as she is, that it is nothing to come back to.




It's natural to want to see it end. I've been through it.

I was married previously to a family of doctors. Nurses are trained and detached towards their patients. It's like how we go cheerfully to our jobs.

I was wondering about you for two days. Smile
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Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:45 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Joelibris



Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 7557
Location: Kraptapolis, NC, U. S. of DUH-HUH
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My mom rallied when she was going. She knew us kids, and was very alert. Of course, she also said there were little elves flying in the window of her room. My dad only rallied long enough to smoke a pack of Camels, and watch the Cubs lose another game. Anyhow, its a chance to be with her while she's alert, so cherish this time.
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Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:46 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
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My father-in-law died recently. He held on at home tooth and nail, bound and determined he wasn't going to give up one shred of normality for as long as he could. When he finally couldn't hold on to 100% self-reliance any more, he went astonishingly quickly - five days after deciding to enter hospice, three days after actually entering. Nonetheless those five days were awful for everyone, most especially him. We would all have given a lot if he could have just gone quietly in his sleep five days earlier.

So no, it's not wrong to feel almost sad that she's still here. She may be here, but she's suffering and it's not going to get better for her in any significant way. You feel that, and it's pretty natural that you wish she wasn't going through it.

(((hugs)))

Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:52 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Hillary



Joined: 13 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
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/hugs Jo

Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:05 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Jo



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2742
Location: Near here, on Tuesdays, but just on the days that end with nth. Like 3nth.
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Thanks all.
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Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 9:37 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Ginjg



Joined: 04 Sep 2004
Posts: 6617
Location: Los Angeles
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(((Jo, Mom and Family)))
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Post Sun Jan 27, 2008 10:14 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Goudron



Joined: 03 Aug 2004
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Location: near Cleveland OH
Re: What to think?  Reply with quote  

Jo wrote:
Is it wrong to feel almost sad to see her still here? And it's an almost sad because you are almost glad too, to see her eat and drink. But you know too (and you tell yourself this) that as frail and weak as she is, that it is nothing to come back to.


It's not wrong, and you aren't babbling. I hope you all do as well as can be expected through this.
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 10:45 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
chris
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
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Location: People Republic of Northern California
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Jo:

My mom rallied four times. She knocked on Death's door so many times I thought he might sick the dog on her.

It does sound like the rally. Just cherish it. You're smart enough to know this is a gift, but not a reprieve. And good for you for going to see her.

Very sorry, Jo.

Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:20 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
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Good mojo to you and your family, Jo.
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 1:41 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Notdeadyet



Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 4056
Location: Midwest
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Hugs Jo.
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spread the love,

Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Ginjg



Joined: 04 Sep 2004
Posts: 6617
Location: Los Angeles
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Also, remember that you don't have to think. Feeling is just as important.

You're not limited to grief and hope. You're being genuine and it's natural to want your mom's suffering to cease. It's ok to express all your feelings.
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To Learn is to Know
To Know is to Love
To Love is our aim

~~~~~~~

Why should we bother with immortality when we are eternal?

Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:23 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Katy O



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 5127
Location: DFW Metroplex - TX
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Ginjg wrote:
Also, remember that you don't have to think. Feeling is just as important.

You're not limited to grief and hope. You're being genuine and it's natural to want your mom's suffering to cease. It's ok to express all your feelings.


Ginger said it better than I could (as always, dammit!)

Hugs to you.
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:45 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
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Katy O wrote:
Ginjg wrote:
Also, remember that you don't have to think. Feeling is just as important.

You're not limited to grief and hope. You're being genuine and it's natural to want your mom's suffering to cease. It's ok to express all your feelings.


Ginger said it better than I could (as always, dammit!)

Hugs to you.


Yeah, I was gonna say that too. Ginjg is the all wise and well worded one.
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:50 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Aubie



Joined: 17 Jan 2006
Posts: 1428
Location: Bammer
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{{{{{{Jo}}}}}}

There is a rally, a 'You're not taking me this easy!" mentality where it seems the soul isn't quite ready to let go of it's earthly form. Enjoy it, breathe it, remember it.

I'll put your family in my prayers!
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Post Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:24 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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