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Ninja School Confidential Ė An Unwritten Chaz Sukiyaki Myste

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Ninja School Confidential Ė An Unwritten Chaz Sukiyaki Myste  Reply with quote  

Chapter 7 Ė Prom Night and the Delicious Badonk of Death

Fujikasan totally busted me today for skipping invisibility class today. Thing is, I had been skipping all semester, but Fujikasan just thought I was really good. I was going to get an A, but Saki didnít show up today to say my name at roll call. What a tool. He scratched himself while poisoning his shuriken stars in Kitchen Arts class and was all paralyzed and foaming at the mouth and stuff all afternoon. I may appear out of nowhere in his dorm room and give him the Praying Mantis Melvin of Suffering Wedginess if he lives. That or put his hand in warm water when heís sleeping and make him pee the futon.

So, Iím going to ask Mariko to the prom. I know a lot of guys say sheís a skank, but it turns out that the rumor of her taking on the whole basketball team last year was totally bogus. It turns out that she did take them on, but she didnít bone them, she killed them. Most of the varsity she used the viper sword and silent slaying method, but she took out the whole JV team with just nunchucks and a Motorala Razr. Sheís so hawt! I just hope she doesnít kill me with her corsage pin, which is what happened to the guy who took her to homecoming. When she says duck, she means it. I guess he thought she was ordering.

The dance is on the east wall of Toyota castle. There wonít be any music, as we are doing the whole thing under the noses of the guards, but Mariko has the most amazing booty when sheís hanging from a grappling hook, and thereís even a sliver of a moon we might have eye contact, or, maybe, you know, some Humping Tiger, Moaning Dragon, if you know what I mean. Itís formal, so I guess weíll all be in black again. At midnight all the seniors are going to slip into the castle and kill the Emperor and his court, then thereís supposed to be a totally fly after party in the basement of the dojo, and Yashica is going to throw a whole handful of X into the punch.

Speaking of Yashica, it looks like heís going to have to repeat senior year. I told him not to eat a bean burrito the night before stealth class. Itís not enough to be silent and invisible, they canít smell you coming, either. Better than what happened to Toshiba, though. How many times did I tell him, just because they call it the ďdeath of a thousand knivesĒ doesnít mean itís going to be exactly a thousand. Keep jumping, even if you think you counted a thousand. Master Sushi transferred him to the killer robot program and theyíre going to fit him with rocket feet or something so heís not totally useless, but itís not the same as being a real ninja.

Iím totally stoked to graduate and go out into the real world. My dad already got me a summer internship at a big law firm where I guess Iíll be in the mail room. Mostly just sorting and poisoning witnesses, but it will look good on the resume. Weíre not allowed to throw our hats at graduation this year. Three or four parents got decapitated by last yearís class and ruined it for everyone. I just hate the part where you have to snatch your diploma from the deanís open hand before he can close it. I just canít do it. Heís too fast. Iíve decided the only way Iím actually going to be able to graduate is if I take his hand along with the diploma, and I totally rock with a short sword, so I hope Master Suzuki doesnít mind when they transfer him to Pirate school next year because of his shiny new hook.

My biggest worry is that I have to sit next to Dave. He just doesnít seem like one of the group. I donít mean to sound racist, but, heís like totally Western. He sucks at everything. In invisibility class he canít even get translucent, and twice last week he dropped a smoke bomb in the menís room when he was trying to get his unit out of his pants. Next thing you know, weíre all clinging to the ceiling, looking only like shadows out of the corner of your eye, just like we were trained, except that weíre weeing all over ourselves. I think he might be like a spy or something for the fucking pirates. And thatís only the beginning of the mystery, today in the hallÖ


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