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[b]Goats from Hell[/b]
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Dave



Joined: 24 Aug 2004
Posts: 451
Location: MA, USA
Re: Timmy!  Reply with quote  

smartnfunnyfem wrote:
Every time I see a post by you, Timmy, I want to see Dave's icon next to your name. Can I yell "Cripple fight!" on this bbs?

Timmay!!!

I been using "Timmay!" (or [JiF]Timmay!) for 2-3 years when gaming online or in other forums. Not sure why I used "Dave" in this one - my real name is Trixy.

Post Tue Oct 05, 2004 12:11 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Jillybeans



Joined: 02 Sep 2004
Posts: 2247
Location: Cambridge, Massachusetts
 Reply with quote  

Why does that goat from Ferrit Leggings look vaguely familiar? Must have been one of my hallucinations when I went off the meds or could it have been my last date? Anyway I went to the Goat Trauma site. Somebody tell me that's not for real and they aren't collecting charity funds for it.

Post Tue Oct 05, 2004 1:04 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
 Reply with quote  

Howdy Dave! Love the icon. Feel free to call me TIMMAY or Timmy, Tim, hell you can call me Bob if it suits you, I'm pretty flexible.

Oh, and hey Ferrit, thanks for making me feel like a member of the Fam. Come on over to Alabama and we can go cow-tipping or something equally inane. I got a guy here who will do anything for $150.00....heh heh heh.....I like testing his limits....I mean, if you can't pick on toothless rednecks...what in the world will you do for fun?? Now where did I put those waders.........
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A Liberal living in the Deep South. Need I say more? Anyone for a round of persecution?

Post Tue Oct 05, 2004 1:39 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
mandi



Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 54
Location: NY
 Reply with quote  

I do believe this is the first inadvertant goat thread I've ever come across in cyberspace. Laughing

- Lisa / Mandi, who's now gonna walk around shouting TIMMAY for the next hour, much to her coworkers' annoyance*
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Post Wed Oct 06, 2004 8:41 am   View user's profile Send private message
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
MANDAYYYY!  Reply with quote  

Now see...that's funny. Inadvertent Goat Thread. It's amazing what you can manifest out in cyberspace, even when you don't mean to. Methinks it would be a good title for a short story..."Timmy and the Inadvertent Goat," Hmmmm.
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A Liberal living in the Deep South. Need I say more? Anyone for a round of persecution?

Post Wed Oct 06, 2004 9:22 am   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
mandi



Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 54
Location: NY
 Reply with quote  

Timmy, I think now would be a swell time to relate your goat story.

(You DID say to remind you. Wink )
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"oKAY then!"

Post Wed Oct 06, 2004 10:47 am   View user's profile Send private message
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
Alright, you asked for it...Timmy and the Inadvertent Goat  Reply with quote  

Timmy and the Inadvertent Goat



Once upon a time in Florida, there lived a boy. (All good stories start out with “Once upon a time,” right?) The boy, who we’ll call um….Timmy, lived on a small farm. On the farm there were chickens for eggs, a garden for vegetables and three goats for milk. There were also about twenty rabbits, fourteen guinea hens, a horse, and an errant peacock or two, though the rest of the aforementioned beasties did not figure prominently into this particular story. Timmy (who is obviously me) is a lively little chap of about three years old and very interested in the whole milking of the goat thing. So each day I would follow Pop out to milk the goats so that we could have milk with dinner and make yogurt and all the other great things you can do with goat’s milk.
It seems that on this particular day Pop had been relatively heavy into the beer. (a sidebar here, my dear departed father was pretty convinced that if you hadn’t had a beer by about 11:30 a.m. you had some very un-American tendencies, but we’ll get into that some other time…) Suffice it to say that milking a goat whilst stone cold sober is a feat unto itself, for those of you who have never tried it, but squiffed as dad was at that point it became slightly more of an ordeal than normal. Sitting on the little tiny three legged stool was way beyond him and it seemed to me, in my muddled three year old brain, that he was also having some difficulty in choosing a goat for the milking. Now, I’d seen this process many times before and even at that age I thought it was pretty simple to determine which of the goats needed milking, but that’s me, I could be wrong. I must admit since that time I’ve never really tested the hypothesis as to drunk goat milking …but you get the idea. I mentioned before that we had three goats. Two were female, one was male. The females were George Elliot and Zsa Zsa and the male was William F. Buckley, of course. Dad finally selected a goat for milking, George Elliot, and positioned himself in a semi-squat that pretty quickly became him sitting on the ground sort of sideways next to the little stool he couldn’t manage to prop on and began to milk her. As the bucket filled he took a quick break to swig some beer and managed to refocus his attention on the goat at hand. As he finished with one goat he began to wrangle the other one into position. The main problem with this situation is that in his joyful stupor he’d made a pretty terrible decision as to exactly which of the other two goats to try and milk. I can tell you this however. Billy goats take offense to having their garbage yanked on. William F. Buckley took it as a major affront to his goat-ness and promptly kicked my dad over, pissed in the bucket of milk and began taking a mental inventory of the other animals in the pen there for a bit of good old fashioned goat-style butt kicking. Much to his dismay, dad hadn’t fully recovered from being knocked on his ass when the bell for round one chimed. William backed up as far as he could go in the corner of the pen, snorted a couple of really nasty sounding goat snorts, hoofed the ground twice and launched himself full force at my still woozy father, who, I might add, was lying on the ground giggling like a madman at his error in judgement. Dad leapt up from his compromised position and began to run around the admittedly small pen yelling at the goat in question while telling me that it might be a good idea to get the hell out of there. He managed to get past the goat with no further harm and get outside the gate, shutting it behind him, and ran for the house. I know this because, in his haste to remove himself from the situation, he had forgotten an important detail. I was STILL in the pen. Now being chased around by a goat who’s just been molested is bad enough for a thirty year old man, for an innocent three year old it was sheer terror. I thought, “Oh SHIT!” or whatever expletive would have been developmentally appropriate for me at three, but I distinctly remember it being “Oh SHIT!” and I started to run (what would you do?!) I quickly realized that I was too small to open the gate so I took the opportunity to run through the legs of one of the other goats. I managed to get into a corner of the pen to try and take stock of the situation when BAMMO, William F. Buckley nailed me to the wall with his horns. I was immediately lifted off my short little legs and hung there dangling in mid-air against the wall of the barn. In recollection, I imagine it was a pretty funny sight however at the time I thought it prudent to SCREAM with all my might. This had no apparent effect on the goat, but it did alert dear old dad to my predicament as he promptly hauled ass back over to get me out of the pen. This, my dear reader, is why I’m convinced even today that all goats are demon spawn, continue to have nightmares about using goat cheese, and have screaming fits of terror whenever I see a goat or smell something “goaty”

Thus ends the fateful tale of Timmy and the Inadvertent Goat.

I hope you enjoyed it. Now I must off to find a beer in celebration of my tale

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Post Wed Oct 06, 2004 1:53 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
mandi



Joined: 14 Sep 2004
Posts: 54
Location: NY
 Reply with quote  

jesus, timmy! now I'M afraid of goats, after reading that horrific tale!

like i don't have enough phobias going on, thankyouverymuch!

love the goats' names -- too frickin funny!
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"oKAY then!"

Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 12:52 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
Mandayyyyy!  Reply with quote  

Howdy! Well, in my defense, I was only three at the time....heh heh heh. I've met a couple of goats since then that seemed alright but they were giving me the evil eye I think.....could have been my imagination, but I don't know what kind of goat-communication network they have so I err on the side of good judgement...... Wink
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A Liberal living in the Deep South. Need I say more? Anyone for a round of persecution?

Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:08 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
Goats names  Reply with quote  

One more thing, the goats were real and those were their real names....product of a mother with a Masters in English Lit. woe be unto me....I'll dig up my rabbit story sometime......
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Post Thu Oct 07, 2004 1:38 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
pebbles



Joined: 22 Sep 2004
Posts: 12
Location: Wherever I go, that's where I am
Re: [b]Goats from Hell[/b]  Reply with quote  

Timmy wrote:
......I hate to be the bearer of bad news to all the goat lovers out there......but they're all descended from Satan.

Yeah? So? Confused
Since when did being demon spawn get such a bad name?
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Post Mon Oct 11, 2004 3:17 pm   View user's profile Send private message
metallicagoaltender



Joined: 22 Sep 2004
Posts: 10
Location: Hell with Fluorescent Lighting
Re: [b]Goats from Hell[/b]  Reply with quote  

pebbles wrote:

Since when did being demon spawn get such a bad name?

No shit...first he has to bash goats - beautiful creatures, I must add - for something that wasn't even the goat's fault, then he has to cast aspersions upon demon spawn?

Some people... Rolling Eyes
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Post Mon Oct 11, 2004 3:37 pm   View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
 Reply with quote  

To quote the band Cake...

Sheep go to heaven and Goats go to Hell!

Ta,
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Post Mon Oct 11, 2004 4:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Timmy



Joined: 04 Oct 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Alabama... the Armpit of the Universe
Demon Spawn etc....  Reply with quote  

Awww, you read my story! I'm so happy. As to other forms of Demon spawn, I really couldn't say, haven't met many I suppose. So of course there's all kind of nice reasonable Demon spawn out there.....no offense, and of course thank goodness my street address is not connected to this forum.....and I agree with you Pebbles, the incident was indeed perpetrated by my dearly departed father with me being the unfortunate target of goat wrath, perhaps I should rethink my relationship with the goats.....now where did I put those waders......
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Post Tue Oct 12, 2004 10:35 am   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
Star Wars Sheep  Reply with quote  

http://www.koit.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/baabaa.html
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Post Fri Oct 22, 2004 7:06 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
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