How do you start a story?

The one thing that always irritates me is the start of a story, I can't seem to find a good way to start a story most of the time. how do you usually figure out a way to start a story? I try and think of the overall theme of my story and then write a start based on that. Doesn't always work though.

Once upon a time...

It was a dark and stormy night...
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"If you allow yourself to be offended, then you're a bit of [a] nitwit."
(Christopher Moore)

she was naked, and giggling....
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seriously, though, I usualy come up with the a general plot (as you said) then try and devise my protagonist and antagonist, pick the one I like better, and write a scene.. doesn't matter where in the story it will end up (if it all)... usually once I get started, it writes itself from there...
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Also seriously:

Although I don't write anything these days except music and checks, I would assume that one thing many writers of literature do is to just write the story, leaving the actual opening line for later. Then, when it's all pretty much finished, the writer looks over what he/she has written, and some passage in the existing version suddenly strikes the writer as a good opening (or title), and then only some minor adjustments need to be made to cover the place where the idea was taken from.

Actually, I've done that with a few musical compositions.
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"If you allow yourself to be offended, then you're a bit of [a] nitwit."
(Christopher Moore)

chris wrote:

Once upon a time...

I actually tried that for the story I am writing now didn't really fit.

His arm was finally numb. Now it was time to wank...
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FattyFattyPorkFace wrote:

His arm was finally numb. Now it was time to wank...

That sounds vaguely naughty

Oliverbritten wrote:

FattyFattyPorkFace wrote: His arm was finally numb. Now it was time to wank... That sounds vaguely naughty

Or naughtily vague.
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"If you allow yourself to be offended, then you're a bit of [a] nitwit."
(Christopher Moore)

No one could say what happened wasn't to be expected. After all, it was she who stepped through the break in the fence, glanced back over her shoulder just once and headed barefoot down the dirt trail into the woods…
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To Learn is to Know
To Know is to Love
To Love is our aim

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Why should we bother with immortality when we are eternal?

There was a NaNoWriMo dare last year that went something along the lines:

Quote:

Start your novel with the line, "Where the hell are my pants?" Bonus points if you start it with the line, "Where the hell are your pants?"

I think there was more to the dare, but that's all I remember.
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Why not

Why are you wearing pants at all?

What do you mean, where the hell are my pants? What did you do with them? I've got lunch with the first lady in half an hour, and if I don't have my pants she's going to lose her shit!
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The way I start a story depends on lot on the circumstances, with the same story beginning differently for different audiences. When among my friends, it's often something like "No shit, there I was..." But under other conditions it might begin "Well, officer, it was like this ..."