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In the view of a cat

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Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Posts: 530
Location: St. Augustine, FL
In the view of a cat  Reply with quote  

We live in a human zoo, or the slowest paced TV show ever. I am not sure which. Now, this may very well only apply to our family and friends who visit the beach house, and only then while sitting in the house, but I am pretty sure that one of those two descriptions explains why the neighbor’s cat continues to stare at us while we sit and talk or watch TV. We will be there in the afternoon or evening and look out the French doors and there is the black cat from next door, sitting and staring at us. You probably think he wants to be let in, but no, he doesn’t.

We have tried just that, asking him if he wants to be let in,
“Hey Blacky*, do you want to come in?” we ask. *we call him that because of his color and because we don’t know his name, which he has yet to impart o us.
And could you believe that he doesn’t say anything at all, just sits there and stares. Well as offensive and rude as that is, we have come to understand him better and we pass it off as poor social skills.

But beyond his lack of societal grace is the fact that he won’t come inside. He may stare at us for hours, but he has no intention of getting inside. When we do ask, he just gives us that blank “why the hell would I want to go in there” look, that I think we all recognize. So I have come to theorize that we are either

1. A very interesting and cheap human zoo


2. The longest, slowest paced cat TV show ever.

In considering which of these we represent to him, and I am not sure exactly how to interpret the situation because if you ask him he gives you a very similar stare to the one when you ask him to come in. Only this stare sort of says “Bah, stupid humans. If you don’t know then why should I explain it to you?” Our ignorance is indeed overwhelming.

And even though it is overwhelming, I am stuck in wondering why the neighbor’s cat keeps staring at us. So now I have to examine the two possibilities that we have narrowed it down to. “Why these two possibilities?” you may ask. Well, it stands to reason that he doesn’t want to: kill, eat, maim, hang out with, talk to, play poker with, bake cookies/cakes/pies for, barbeque with, consider the nature of the universe with, work quadratic equations for, read poetry to (which is really to bad because, though I have never actually heard cat poetry, I just think it would be cool to listen to) , sing for, discus the use of stem cell research with, draw abstract cat art (or any form of drawing or painting) for us. If any of these, or an infinite number of other possibilities, were his intentions, then I think he would accept our invitation to join us inside; which I have established he declines every time. So this brings me to the obvious conclusion of my two main theories. It is possible that when I am there, he just wants to see my cat dance, for which I am fairly well know among the “in” cats. This does tend to fall apart when you consider that he watches the window whether I am there or not, but I like to think that he hopes to catch a glimpse of that great dance I do, specifically for cats.

So, my glaring ego problems aside, we must represent one or the other to him. In considering the zoo aspect, it’s like us going to the zoo and watching the monkeys. I think we all have to admit that primates just do the darndest things, and since we are also primates we must be infinitely interesting to watch. I have not been witness to any fecal flinging, and would like to believe that it does not occur, but that doesn’t mean that the cat isn’t riveted to our deck in hopes to catch some of that action. He might very well be sitting there thinking,
“Why don’t they just break down and start throwing poop? You know their dying to, stupid apes. Don’t even have a respectable tail.”
So as we sit and talk, or watch TV, or watch TV and talk, or when the action gets really thick and we have dinner, the cat just sits there and watches all of our proceedings. It does seem like a passive observation, not unlike our looking at any assortment of animals behind large plate glass panels, or high fences. I am considering putting a coin operated feed meter on the deck and see if he goes for it. Just to be annoying, I will also put-at cat level-a sign that says,
“Please Don’t Feed the Humans. They are on a restricted diet.”
That will get him. But of course, being a cat, he will just sit there and pretend like it doesn’t bother him. Inside he’ll be seething.

In considering us being the longest cat TV show ever, I suppose it would only be fair to also consider that we could be more like a serial film, like the ones they used to show back in the 30s and 40s. You know, like the original Batman or Lone Ranger. In any event, we are a soap opera type thing, where the intrigue is hot and the betrayal ice cold. Where shocking episodes include us sitting around and talking, or watching TV, or watching TV and talking, or when the action really heats up and we have dinner. Yep, pretty fascinating stuff. I suppose he is outside playing an internal dialog to whatever we are talking about, which he can’t hear because he won’t come inside. Things like,

“Cats are the best animals; we should try to model our selves after them.” Exclaims person 1.
“Yes they are the best and so clean too.” says person 2.
“You know it, I wish I were a cat, then I could truly be clean and revered.” replies person 1.
“Yeah me too. I am going to go to the doctor and see about having a fur implant procedure on my face.” interjects person 3.
“Ohh, what a good idea.” replies person 2. “We should all do that. Think how much smarter and more trust worthy our faces would look if we all had a fur implant procedure done.”
“Yes, I agree whole heartedly, fur implant procedures for all of our faces!” person 1 shouts emphaticly.
“Yeah!!!!!” shout all 3 in unison.

It bears being mentioned that cats tend to write rather stiff and unrealistic screen plays, so try to excuse the previous dialog.

Well, in closing this line of thought for now, I suppose that the black cat from next door could just be either very easily entertained, or very dim, or both, or so incredibly smart, that just watching our mundane actions brings him closer to the true nature of the universe. In any event, in true cat form, he isn’t going to share any of that with us. So we will just go on with our lives, and sit and talk, or watch TV, or talk and watch TV, and then eventually eat dinner, and continue to wonder just what the hell is going on inside that cat’s head.

Good night.
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science." - Albert Einstein

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