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12 Days of Christmas

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Watching The Wheels

Joined: 22 Dec 2007
Posts: 3412
Location: DC
12 Days of Christmas  Reply with quote  

    December 25th, 2008:
    On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me a partridge in a pear tree.
Denise: "This is a joke, right? No? I mean, it's a lovely tree and all, but I really don't have any room for it here in the apartment. And-- what the hell?! Did the tree just move?! Is that a bird living in it? Eww, gross!"

    December 26th, 2008:
    On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.
"Oh, great. Another tree? I'll just put this next to the other one, then? I appreciate the effort, but really, it's not you. It's me. Any other girl would love what you're doing for them... I just don't like pears or birds that much. Really."

    December 27th, 2008:
    ...Three French hens...
"What is this? Another tree? Was there a sale on pear trees? Did you get them cheap because they have partridges living in them? Actually, did you keep the receipts? I'm thinking I need to return everyth-- what? You can't return animals or plants? Awesome..."

    December 28th, 2008:
    ...Four calling birds...
"Okay, you know what? It's like three days after Christmas. This is getting a little creepy. Stop bringing me birds and trees. Seriously. "

    December 29th, 2008:
    ...Five golden rings...
"Oh, my... Now we're talking! Okay, okay, I get it. The other gifts were just gag gifts leading up to this one. These are very lovely. I just might forgive you for all the bir-- oh, you brought me ten more birds and a another tree. Fan-fucking-tastic. I'll just put them with other twenty birds."

    December 30th, 2008:
    ...Six geese a-laying...
"Yeah, you know those "gold" rings you got me yesterday? They've already started to turn green. Nice going, jerkwad. I'm beginning to reevaluate this whole 'true love' thing. I mean, we've only really only been dating for 3 months. Maybe we should start seeing other people? AND.ENOUGH.WITH.THE.BIRDS."

    December 31st, 2008:
    ...Seven swans a-swimming...

    January 1st, 2009:
    ...Eight maids a-milking...
"I just want to have a peaceful New Years'. I can't take the fucking birds-- what's that? You don't have any birds this time? Promise? Okay, then. You can come in, but ple-- oh-- people? You got me people. Slavery has been abolished, has it? Did K-mart have a Black Friday deal on people? Wait. What's that behind the maids? IT'S MORE FUCKING BIRDS, LIAR!!!"

    January 2nd, 2009:
    ...Nine ladies dancing...
"Strippers? Really? You know what? I hate you. I really, really fucking hate you. Get out of my life."

    January 3rd, 2009:
    ...Ten lords a-leaping...
"STOP! STOP, STOP, STOP IT! Where in the hell did you find lords, anyway? And what are they doing? They're really disturbing the birds. Get them out of here now!!"

    January 4th, 2009:
    ...Eleven pipers piping...
"See this? This is a restraining order."

    January 5th, 2009
    ...Twelve drummers drumming...
"Mike Portnoy, Neil Peart, and Animal from the Muppets, you guys can stay. Everyone else, out!!"
Homeless people need more seasoning, use bath salts.

Post Fri Jan 09, 2009 9:00 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address

Joined: 15 Dec 2008
Posts: 566
Location: Hunter Mtn., NY
 Reply with quote  

I can't believe it took her so long to tell him "let's see other people" and then give him a restraining order!

"I love you, even more than pie" -FOOL

Post Fri Jan 09, 2009 2:28 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
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