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If You Were Satan...
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festusbongwater



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 33
What Would Satan Do?  Reply with quote  

Mxlemore, your wife started a blog called "What Would Satan Do?" (http://www.robotsandlava.com) Apparently it's a collection of random musings (and movie reviews) by the Dark Lord him/her/neuter-self.

Post Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:58 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
tirusthevirus



Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Posts: 58
Location: Canada
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being cooped up in hell for a long time, Satan is probably a bit out of touch with the human world. he would probably need help with even the littlest things - not just finding comfy shoes, but also figuring out how to tie them (might have to settle for velcro) - of course, this applies only when not in serpent mode. He'd need help with cooking for sure - naturally, he'd turn the heat up way too high and burn everything. He'd need help from a psychiatrist - if he is to avoid drawing attention to himself he'd better sort out his anger management issues. He can't just go around torturing whoever the hell he damn well pleases. He could get arrested for that sort of thing. Grocery shopping might prove a difficult task - he might not understand how the whole check-out thing works. the last time he visited earth according to the bible was how long ago? He might try to barter for his groceries, maybe trade them something. Learning to drive a car. Watching TV (like Raziel in Lamb) might be a confusing ordeal for the devil - "what new sort of trickery is this and why don't I know about it?!" etc. etc.
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Post Mon Mar 16, 2009 9:23 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Marz



Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 27
Location: WA
 Reply with quote  

Hello,

I am new here (although I have lurked for awhile) and decided this was a good place for my first post.

I believe Satan would have a huge problem masking his instinctual evil tendencies even when he was on his best behavior.

Stealing out of habit to the point of kleptomania.
Tripping passers by.
Snide comments and insults.
Purposely knocking over paraplegics and laughing as they try to get up.
Giving wrong directions when asked.
and the lies... oh the lies could just be never ending, after all, it is natural for Satan to lie so telling the truth would most likely be a chore. I do imagine Satan embracing sarcasm with loving arms as well.

Anyway, just wanted to add my 2 cents.

See you all around the boards.

Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:23 am   View user's profile Send private message
Wingnut



Joined: 22 Aug 2007
Posts: 2602
Location: Nanaimo, British Columbia
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Marz wrote:
Hello,

I am new here (although I have lurked for awhile) and decided this was a good place for my first post.

I believe Satan would have a huge problem masking his instinctual evil tendencies even when he was on his best behavior.

Stealing out of habit to the point of kleptomania.
Tripping passers by.
Snide comments and insults.
Purposely knocking over paraplegics and laughing as they try to get up.
Giving wrong directions when asked.
and the lies... oh the lies could just be never ending, after all, it is natural for Satan to lie so telling the truth would most likely be a chore. I do imagine Satan embracing sarcasm with loving arms as well.

Anyway, just wanted to add my 2 cents.

See you all around the boards.


Nah, Satan wouldn't do any of that himself - he'd go around quietly convincing otherwise very nice people that what they REALLY want to do, right now, is kick that puppy.

And welcome, Marz - you should wander over to Who's Who and introduce yourself, in slightly more detail. But not TOO much detail. We're not that into TMI around here... Laughing Laughing
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"Life's too short to get wrapped around the axle about the little things." - SK

-The First Law of Geography: Everything is Connected to Everything Else.

Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:44 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Marz



Joined: 16 Mar 2009
Posts: 27
Location: WA
 Reply with quote  

Wingnut wrote:
Marz wrote:
Hello,

I am new here (although I have lurked for awhile) and decided this was a good place for my first post.

I believe Satan would have a huge problem masking his instinctual evil tendencies even when he was on his best behavior.

Stealing out of habit to the point of kleptomania.
Tripping passers by.
Snide comments and insults.
Purposely knocking over paraplegics and laughing as they try to get up.
Giving wrong directions when asked.
and the lies... oh the lies could just be never ending, after all, it is natural for Satan to lie so telling the truth would most likely be a chore. I do imagine Satan embracing sarcasm with loving arms as well.

Anyway, just wanted to add my 2 cents.

See you all around the boards.


Nah, Satan wouldn't do any of that himself - he'd go around quietly convincing otherwise very nice people that what they REALLY want to do, right now, is kick that puppy.

And welcome, Marz - you should wander over to Who's Who and introduce yourself, in slightly more detail. But not TOO much detail. We're not that into TMI around here... Laughing Laughing


I suppose you are correct, but it is the simple and habitual things I think Satan would have trouble curbing.

Cant help but think he would enjoy the occasional induced mishap or tragedy.

Thanks for the welcome and I just posted a introduction on the who's who.

Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:08 am   View user's profile Send private message
festusbongwater



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 33
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Tirusthevirus - You and I think exactly alike. His ineptitude, inexperience, and anger issues draw unwanted attention... And as for the "when did he last visit" thing, I'm not sure. I need to try to look it up. So far I've dealt with it as a matter of delegation. He had a well-oiled machine running down there in Hell.

Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:11 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
tirusthevirus



Joined: 27 Jul 2008
Posts: 58
Location: Canada
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true enough. I think if I'm not mistaken the last time Satan stalked the earth was when Jesus walked the earth too (temptations in the desert, if I'm not mistaken). I don't really know the bible all that well, but yeah, I'd assume he's pretty out of touch.

Marz, I agree that Satan would be a chronic liar. He is, after all, the father of all lies. And yeah, even on the best of his behavior he would have a hard time telling the truth. Oh, the deception. I used to have a friend who was a chronic liar. You couldn't believe a word she said (which made things tough, because sometimes she WAS telling the truth...or was she?). She'd even lie about her name to complete strangers or boyfriends or whatever. I could see Satan doing that.
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Post Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:54 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
georgiagirl



Joined: 22 Jun 2009
Posts: 2
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I would think it would be the obvious things that would irritate the normal person.

Waiting on the cable guy and then resisting the urge to kill him with the certain ability that only Satan would have when he is made to wait all day. Or holding the Dominoes guy to the '30 minutes or it's free' promise. Being behind the idiot with the gigantic buggy full of groceries in the 10 items or less line.

Of course I have never been to East Texas, but its the South, and I know in Georgia if you look just a little outside of the expected norm, there is one constant question..."You're not from 'round here, are ya?" I would imagine one too many times having to come up with a clever reply would make anyone 'lose their religion'.

Someone mentioned temptation earlier...in today's all too permissive society, what exactly WOULD Satan have left to tempt us with?

Post Sun Jul 05, 2009 7:59 pm   View user's profile Send private message
urhangovergirl



Joined: 05 Feb 2008
Posts: 705
Location: center of the purple haze
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well, I think I'd want a beer and a whiskey ...and then to get laid. Maybe jam on the guitar, cuz I'd kick ASS at it and that's what would make it different from every other day!

that is definitely what I'd do. Or go shopping, maybe. I'd have money right?
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Post Wed Jul 08, 2009 6:47 pm   View user's profile Send private message
festusbongwater



Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 33
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If you're The Devil, and you can't get a little scratch, then you're not much of a The Devil.

Satan needs a new car. The Lamborghini got fucked up.
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Post Thu Jul 23, 2009 7:29 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
MJ Felder



Joined: 26 May 2009
Posts: 25
Location: Independence, MO
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I'm thinking I would fix the government just so I could fuck it up again a year or so later. And maybe get a Lamborghini.
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Post Mon Oct 19, 2009 7:26 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger
lilcoget



Joined: 03 Nov 2010
Posts: 4
Re: If You Were Satan...  Reply with quote  

festusbongwater wrote:
And you were stuck on Earth, what would you need help with?


I imagine in that case my most pressing problem would be figuring out how to NOT be stuck on earth. Don't I have things to do, wars to fight, a backlog of vicious administration to get on with?
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Post Tue Nov 09, 2010 11:09 pm   View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Kar98



Joined: 31 Jul 2006
Posts: 3170
Location: Dallas, Texas
Re: If You Were Satan...  Reply with quote  

festusbongwater wrote:
East Texas.


Not even Satan deserves to be stuck in East Texas.
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Post Sun Dec 12, 2010 9:18 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
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