Does this query suck? |
Yes. |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
No. |
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60% |
[ 3 ] |
Satan? Seriously. |
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0% |
[ 0 ] |
I like liver. |
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20% |
[ 1 ] |
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Total Votes : 5 |
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festusbongwater

Joined: 20 Feb 2009
Posts: 33
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Query Letter - What Would Satan Do?
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I'd be grateful for any input you folks might have to offer about the following query letter:
Dear Ms./Mr. _______:
Disgusted with God’s plan for Judgment Day, Satan has quit his job and left Hell in favor of a quiet retirement in Washington, D.C. But life on Earth isn’t easy for a fallen angel with a short fuse and no impulse control. When a parking attendant not-so-spontaneously combusts and a weight-challenged woman somehow ends up in low-Earth orbit, Satan attracts the attention of a meddlesome FBI agent. Worse, there are signs that someone is trying to bring about the end of the world without him.
The Governor of Texas invades Louisiana, and Satan decides it’s time to head to the Lone Star State. There he tangles with a megalomaniacal televangelist; joins the Militant Arm of the American Geriatrics Association; and wields the Flaming Stick of Divine Justice at a guy whose hobbies include invading churches to denounce ritualized cannibalism. Through it all, one thing is clear: Someone has to put a stop to Judgment Day. Now, having spent millennia trying to wreck the place, Satan may be the world’s only hope.
WHAT WOULD SATAN DO? is 93,000 words of mainstream fiction that should appeal to folks who like reading Douglas Adams, Christopher Moore, and P.G. Wodehouse. I'm a member of the Lesser North Texas Writers and The Writers Guild of Texas, but it’s probably my job as a trial lawyer that really qualifies me to make up stories about Satan. _________________ "I incline to the quantum mechanical view in this matter. My theory is that your cat is not lost, but that his waveform has temporarily collapsed and must be restored. Schrödinger. Planck. And so on." -- Dirk Gently
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Fri Jun 04, 2010 10:18 am |
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NickB
Joined: 04 Aug 2010
Posts: 1
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Hi, I'm new here and unpublished, but I read a lot and am very picky. You had me at the first sentence.
I agree that the second paragraph was a little confusing, but that was only because I didn't "get" that you were saying these things were the work of the person trying to destroy the earth...easily remedied (though I know that when you go over and over that flaming query letter, it all starts to look as defined as cottage cheese on white china.)
So, my questions on reading the query: 1. Washington, D.C.? Why, Satan, why? I mean, I get the joke, but I wanna know why not Fiji.
2. Can you give a hint about who's trying to end the world? Just a little morsel?
3. Why must Satan stop this? Has he grown fond of the place? Is the World-Ender person harshing his mellow? How mellow can you get in D.C.? Or is Satan spending all his time f'ing with politicians and hurling poo at Greenpeace? It's a party!
4. I agree about genre...humor? Where is Chris classified? (And probably you know, but many point out the difficulty of establishing a readership in mainstream. I have no first-hand experience there, though.)
5. There's plenty there for me to want to read it...like I said, you had me with the first sentence; but, an agent or editor might want to know HOW Satan will dispatch the villain(s) and save the world.
I'm really excited to read this book and I think others will be, too. I hope this message was helpful and not too AAARG-inspiring...I HATE criticism, but NEED it badly myself. Good luck. Please resubmit if you change it or get any agent/editor/just-plain-helpful feedback on it. I second Nathan Bransford's site for query letter polishing, but I think you're on the right track...almost there. Then again, you may change nothing and still get interest. I'm often surprised at what agents like versus what they don't...I'll disagree and wish I could represent the ones they passed up. Other times, we're in sync. Good luck, man!
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Wed Aug 11, 2010 8:31 pm |
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mxlemore

Joined: 18 Sep 2008
Posts: 44
Location: Georgia |
knikkki wrote: |
... i highly recommend Nathan Bransford's blog. He dissects queries. |
I agree, Nathan's blog is invaluable. Also, I've bookmarked your blog too, knikkki!
Festus, I thought the query was very succinct and to the point. I still haven't gotten to the stage of writing a query letter quite yet, but at least you left out all the extraneous shit. Best of luck! _________________ My website: http://www.jrmclemore.com
Hush, Hush, My Love is now available for Kindle, Nook, and other formats from Smashwords for free! You can view it here: http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/50564
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Thu Aug 12, 2010 9:43 am |
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