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Joined: 03 Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Fair warning: swearing, offensive language, some violence.
Yes, this is supposed to be kinda sorta somewhat an attempt at humour.

“Okay folks!” the skinny woman with the clipboard shouted out. The sheer volume of sound that came from that small diaphragm was astounding.
Her graying hair was done up in a secretary’s bun, with some wisps sticking out. She wore wire frame glasses, and looked out over them with an annoyed look. She looked, at best, frumpy. In short, she was pure evil.
The crowd, which had been murmuring very loudly among themselves, hushed in surprise. They were an ordinary crowd, in an ordinarily large room, and while they were ordinarily strangers, they were also kept in the building with ordinary steel doors and ordinary steel bars over the windows.

There were several doorways, and each one was marked with their own letter, consecutively.

“This is how it’s gonna be done” she continued. Pulling the pen out from behind her ear, she gestured while reading from her clipboard.

“Room A is for pimps, hos, bitches, and white trash!”

“Room B is for yuppies, cheating housewives, and other stereotypical suburban melodrama shit”

“Crack addicts, alcoholics, mental nutcases, uptight control freaks, and Goths, please go to room C.”

“Room D is reserved for morons, fucktards, asshats, Philosophy students, and vegetarian/vegans.”

The crowd began to protest. One man shouted out, “hey, what’s this all about-“

“Door D, ya moron!” the skinny woman commanded, eyeing the man with her left orb and the rest of the crowd with her right.

The man tried again, “look, you can’t just have us imprisoned in this-” He fell silent when, from her droopy chest, hidden in her bra, the lady produced a gun and pointed it at him. Or rather, she pointed it at his crotch, and there was little doubt in anyone’s mind that this old broad knew how to use that firearm. The rest of the crowd had made a quick sound of disgust when they had seen the old lady rummaging around in her boob rack.

The crowd dispersed and went to their prospective rooms. They each formed a straight line, and each one walked through the door to whatever fate would have in store for them on the other side of the doorway. One person was heard muttering "it was never like this in the past."

Suddenly, one of the girls turned whirled around and ran screaming in the other direction. The crowd looked over, just in time to hear a loud popping sound, and to watch the girl suddenly collapse in mid-flight. The screams had stopped, and there was no sign of movement from her.
There was smoke curling up from the skinny woman’s pistol.
Now terrified that the skinny woman was, in fact, willing and able to pick them off if they misbehaved, the people turned back to their assigned destinations.

The doors revealed a tunnel that was dimly lit and narrow. It was impossible to really see what was ahead, as it was a very convoluted, winding path.
Eventually, there was a light shining, softly, invitingly. One by one, as the people saw the light, they breathed a sigh of relief. To those who had done this before, they knew the ordeal was almost over.

The young man behind the counter smiled as the first of the people approached him. “Welcome to Barstucks,” he said. “Can I take your order?”

Post Thu Jul 14, 2005 4:29 pm   View user's profile Send private message
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