Christopher Moore Home Page

The bulletin board is currently closed to new posts. Instead, why not check out Chris' Twitter and Facebook pages?


bbs.chrismoore.com Forum Index -> So You Wanna Be a Writer?

Chain Story 2: Electric Boogaloo
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
  Author    Thread This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
 Reply with quote  

"Shut up litte Bro. Just close your eyes and don't think about it."

Y and Mother threw John up on the Pixie-dactyl and jumped on themselves.

"What ho old blot. Off to Oz then are you?" Y queried in her best British accent.
Then to John and mother she said "He only understands the Queens English, Everything else is lost on him."

"Have ye there in a jiff,what." the Pixie-dactyl rose gracefully over the city below.

John barfed all the way to Oz. Fortunatly as they reached Munchkin town John had lost all the contents of his inside and simply feel onto the ground spent. "Oh god I never should have gotten up today." John wimmpered. So self absorbed was John on his pity party that he didn't notice...
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Wed May 18, 2005 9:00 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Regina



Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S
 Reply with quote  

John barfed all the way to Oz. Fortunatly as they reached Munchkin town John had lost all the contents of his inside and simply feel onto the ground spent. "Oh god I never should have gotten up today." John wimmpered. So self absorbed was John on his pity party that he didn't notice

the guy in a bubble headed straight for him. The man inside was typing on a laptop (which is no small feat whilst afloat in a large bubble) and could not diret the bubble to veer in enough time to avoid hitting John, bursting the bubble and losing his train of thought.

The laptop lost power as the bubble burst and John, who was already bruised from the awkward landing could do nothing but groan.

"You fucktard! If I lose that chapter because of you I'll-"

"You'll what?" said Mother.

"Listen you, I am the AG, and you know what that means? That means I...."

Post Thu May 19, 2005 3:40 pm   View user's profile Send private message
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
 Reply with quote  

"Listen you, I am the AG, and you know what that means? That means I am bowed down to. People cower in fear. I am, to put it bluntly, Da man. You, to understate it, are not. So now you all must die. And your precious little pixie-dactyl too. Ha ha ha ha!"

"Hey, wait just a minute." said Y" you can't do that. We didn't do aything."

"Oh I know, but I am doing research on my new book. It's all about death." The AG smiled as if that explained it.

John was feeling sick again. Mother was gasping on the verge of laughing. Y was just insulted. "Listen up bubble boy I didn't waste all my time bringing these scewed up individuals here just to be stopped by some holier than thou pin prick with a bad attitude."

"Hey, I've got a publisher to think about. Deadlines to meet and bills to pay. Not to mention the woman that I would rather not piss off. All I'm doing is gathering the material I need for my next book. My next book just happens to be about death. You can't be mad at me because I'm doing my job." The AG's bubble began to form around him again. "The publisher and all you know" The AG smiled and shrugged as if to say "So sorry about your death and all that. Nothing can be done. Ta ta!"

"Oh crap, not again" sighed Y.

The bubble begain to grow and radiate an odd glow. The AG inside typed furiously.
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Wed May 25, 2005 8:37 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
chris
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 3833
Location: People Republic of Northern California
 Reply with quote  

jaandlu wrote:
"Listen you, I am the AG, and you know what that means? That means I am bowed down to. People cower in fear. I am, to put it bluntly, Da man. You, to understate it, are not. So now you all must die. And your precious little pixie-dactyl too. Ha ha ha ha!"

"Hey, wait just a minute." said Y" you can't do that. We didn't do aything."

"Oh I know, but I am doing research on my new book. It's all about death." The AG smiled as if that explained it.

John was feeling sick again. Mother was gasping on the verge of laughing. Y was just insulted. "Listen up bubble boy I didn't waste all my time bringing these scewed up individuals here just to be stopped by some holier than thou pin prick with a bad attitude."

"Hey, I've got a publisher to think about. Deadlines to meet and bills to pay. Not to mention the woman that I would rather not piss off. All I'm doing is gathering the material I need for my next book. My next book just happens to be about death. You can't be mad at me because I'm doing my job." The AG's bubble began to form around him again. "The publisher and all you know" The AG smiled and shrugged as if to say "So sorry about your death and all that. Nothing can be done. Ta ta!"

"Oh crap, not again" sighed Y.

The bubble begain to grow and radiate an odd glow. The AG inside typed furiously.


I would just like to interupt this story to note that this is exactly like my typical day. Man, it's like you were there with a video recorder. Well done!

Post Thu May 26, 2005 12:45 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Regina



Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S
 Reply with quote  

"Oh crap, not again" sighed Y.

The bubble begain to grow and radiate an odd glow. The AG inside typed furiously. The bubble ascended and floated beyond view. The earth shook and cracks appeared beneath the disturbed trio. Heat rose from the jagged new terrestrial orifices, carrying the smell of rotten eggs.

Y giggled, "Excuse me."

"This isn't funny!" John shouted, hopping from one foot to the other.

"Actually," said Mother, "It kinda is, if you ignore the imminent danger aspect of it."

John ignored them and hopped a few feet away from Y and Mother. He surmised that the best thing the could do was try to hoof it to higher ground, or finmd a low body of water, when the call of the pixie-dactyl reminded him that they did, in fact, have a method of escape.. He turned to shout to Y and Mother, who were still laughing about Y's fart joke, when he noticed a mysterious figure carrying a handheld video camera lurking in the vicinity. Y turned around to face the newcomer, striking a lovely pose for the camera.

"Hey! Who is that guy?" John yelled as the Pixe-dactyl approached. This is an awkward time for introductions, he thought.

'"The guy with the camera? Why, that's...."

Post Fri May 27, 2005 11:51 am   View user's profile Send private message
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
 Reply with quote  

"The guy with the camera? Why, that's Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano" Y spilled out the name like and old nusery rhyme. "He records things for the AG."

"Like our death?" John felt as though he was the only one who was aware of the imminent doom that loomed befor them.

"Not if I can help it" Mother started to run towards Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano but was caught by the collar by Y.

"Not to interupt but don't you think we should jump up on the pixie-dactyl and make for the Emerald city. Or at least something more productive than beating up on poor Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano?"

Mother, John and Y jumped up onto the back of the pixie-dactyl. As the pixie-dactyl rose and went off into the distance Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano stood, as if unaffected by the distruction around him, and taped the whole event. It was well done too. All the best shots Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano had found. All the perfect close ups on the individuals John Mother and Y; Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano had made. All the fear generated and gathered. Fear and death caught on tape. That was the new mission that the AG had assigned Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano. That was the mission Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano would succed in too. Even if he had to kill them with his own hands(with his camera on a tripod of coarse). Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano had allways felt the AG left things only half done (sometimes even only a quarter done). It was sloppy and now Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano had to clean up.
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.


Last edited by jaandlu on Sun May 29, 2005 10:31 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Sat May 28, 2005 5:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
 Reply with quote  

It was sloppy and now Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano had to clean up.

Slowly the pixie-dactyl rose higher and higher into the sky gracefully carrying all of his passengers between his leathery wings. Mother leaned back, put his feet up and managed to light a cigar while John, once again, emptied his stomach. Y and Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano were engrossed in deep conversation when the pixie-dactyl made a sharp turn towards the east.

"And just where do you think you're taking us?" queried Y.

"Hang on mates, we're just taking a short detour to New York City."

"New York? I'm supposed to escort John to Emerald City!"

Before Y could protest any more, the clouds began to part and she saw a sea foam green lady standing in the middle of the water.

"Pixie! Quick, go save that woman! She's obviously stuck in the middle of that river! Quick!"

Suddenly all of the pixie-dactyl's passengers felt a deep rumbling beneath them, followed by a a high pitched cackling sound. Little did our passgengers know that the pixie-dactyl was just laughing. Stricken with fear, Mother, Y, John and Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano (and his camera) clung to each other for support as the pixie-dactly made a spiraling decent towards the woman.

"Look! She's not a real woman!" exclaimed John.
"Yeah, well you didn't think I was either." Y cut in. "Now hurry, we only have a few minutes to save her before..."

Post Sun May 29, 2005 10:11 am   View user's profile Send private message
Regina



Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S
 Reply with quote  

"Look! She's not a real woman!" exclaimed John.
"Yeah, well you didn't think I was either." Y cut in. "Now hurry, we only have a few minutes to save her before you kill her with your toxic puke breath!"
"Very funny."
Y grinned. "I thought so."
John turned to J.A.A.N.D.L.U and asked quietly, "Do you have any antacids or breath mints?"
Before Jaandlu could answer, the pixie-dactyl suddenly dove toward the sea foam green queen, causing everyone's stomach's to lurch.
The green lady, to John's surprise, turned her head, and took a swing at the pixie-dactyl. Swerving just in the nick of time, John lost his grip, as well as the last remnant of his stomach lining as he plunged down into the river where...

Post Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:17 pm   View user's profile Send private message
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
 Reply with quote  

Swerving just in the nick of time, John lost his grip, as well as the last remnant of his stomach lining as he plunged down into the river where he quickly sank. In fact, John noticted, he was sinking abnormally fast. Thrashing his limbs from side to side, he desperately tried to propel himself up towards the fading light from the surface of the water. Vaguely he could still make out the shape of the green lady as limbs grew heavier and heavier. John closed his eyes and prepared for death.

Plop.John felt his butt reach firm ground. Plop. Plop. He felt himself breathing, but what was that noise? Plop. Plop. Plop. Slowly, he opened his eyes, one at a time and saw nothing.
"Oh my god! I'm blind!" John shrieked.
"No you idiot. You're not blind."
"I'm not?"
"No."
"Then why can't I see?"
"Because you're covered in...

Post Fri Jun 10, 2005 10:54 am   View user's profile Send private message
Guest





 Reply with quote  

"Because you're covered in mud."

John wiped his eyes clear. Standing before him was a grey green frog-like creature. Not entirely grey or green or for that matter frog-like either. John was trying to grasp the form that stood befor him. Well not entirely grasp as the definition of the word goes. In fact he felt grasping even the smallest amount of this hideous creature(for his mind had settled on the idea that it was at least hideous) would be a grave mistake. But his mind was trying to form a mental picture and this creature was so foreign that it failed to produce a steady image. The creature seem to morph from one repulsive likeness to another. John blinked and shook his head hoping this would help. It didn't.

"I suppose your wondering who I am John?" the creature spoke. John felt this to be entirly unnecessary. A flood of questions came to Johns mind, stopped, decided they should be elswhere for a bit of tea and a beef sandwich and left him alone in a blank stare.

The creature continued "John, I think there are some things you are missing about reality. I want to help you put things straight in your mind. This is very important. So I need you to pay attention." It apeared to John that a giant green mold was speaking not unlike the left overs from dinner five months ago that still sat lurking in the back of his fridge. "Are you paying attention?"

John blinked blankly. He suddenly felt very alone and afraid. The thing in front of him seemed so unreal. It was mutating into a globy green blue mound of jello. It's words seemed to be coming from a distant past. Somewhere outside of himself John heard a whimpering. Then he realized it was himself. "I must gather my wits about me." John spoke to no one in particular but certinaly not that thing in front of him.

"I see your having trouble keeping up with me." The creature shifted and John heard a plop, plop. Parts of the creature were falling off and ploping into the mud. At least that's what John was seeing."Let start from the beginning. I am Clod. You are John. We are speaking of reality."

"Yes, right" John's wits were now poping in for a bit, checking out the situation, and deciding tea and beef sandwiches with a bunch of question types(boring as they may be) was a far better idea than sticking about and being scared out.

"Now what I am about to say is something your kind has been struggling with for as long as you have existed. I think someone sort of forgot to tell you. But that is neither here nor there. In fact what I want to say has alot to do with here and there and existance. Are you understanding any of this?"

Yes, existance, reality, here and there, right. I got it." John didn't.

"Ok space cadet just rember this and take it with you. You must tell your friends. This is very important to humanity in general."

"Right, space, friends, humanity."

"Why did she send the most daft human around." Clod was speaking of the sentenal that had knocked John down here. "Ok this is all you have to remember, take these words with you. And promise me never to return."

After the great Clod had imparted his great wisdom he sent John back up through the mud hole he had slid down to get there.

He was washed up on the edge of a vast body of water and there, soaked to the bone, stood Mother, Y, the pixie-dactyl and Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano. Mother and Y were crying. Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano was playing back his video of Johns apparent demise. Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano looked up and upon seeing John said "Crap."

Y was the next to noticed. "John" she exclaimed. "we thought you were a gonner for sure." She ran too him and dropped to her knees and showered him in adoring kisses. Then she caught her self and stood quickly hitting her head on Mothers chin as she shot up. Mother had come up but stopped over Y and gaped at the scene befor him. "Sorry" she said thowing the appology out there for everyone involved.

John fell back on the ground laying exausted rattled and confused. He looked up at Y and Mother and said in a barely audible voice "Reality exsists generally in no area." Having delivered these oh so important words that Clod had given, John blacked out.

"Reality exsists generally in no area?" Mother was puzzeled "What the hell does that mean?"

"Reality exsists generally in no area." Y repeated the words feeling they were somehow important but not seeing the point.

Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano even felt puzzeled."Reality exsists generally in no area." He subvocalized. He too felt the weight of this statement but couldn't quite grasp it's full significance.

Only the pixie-dactyl stood without confusion. Only no one really noticed.

Post Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:45 pm   
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
Opps  Reply with quote  

(That was me)
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Sun Jun 12, 2005 12:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
 Reply with quote  

Only the pixie-dactyl stood without confusion. Only no one really noticed. Slowly the pixie-dactyl started to back away from the group who were now all fawning over John and his limp body. He inched backward listening to the scraping sound his claws made on the ground and thinking about what the human, John, had just said. I must get away from my little friends, he thought to himself. Little did John know that by repeating that phrase 4 times in a row he helped trigger an ancient alarm built into the pixie-dactyl. With each step the pixie-dactyl began to slowly loose sight of his new found pals as his mind was being switched over to auto pilot. "Reality exsists generally in no area" kept repeating over and over in his head. "Reality exsists generally in no area." Faster and faster the phrase kept repeating like a broken record until the words were all slurred together and all that could be heard was a defeaning high pitched shrill.

The transformation was complete. Pixie-dactyl was now...

Post Tue Jun 14, 2005 11:19 am   View user's profile Send private message
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
 Reply with quote  

The transformation was complete. Pixie-dactyl was now flashing like fireworks. Sparks were flying everywhere and everything was catching on fire. He was now a firemans worse nightmare. As the transformed pixie-dactyl rose above the tree tops he set them abalze. As he circled and flew away he created a ring of fire around John, Mother, Y and Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano.
_________________
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Tue Jun 14, 2005 5:03 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Regina



Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S
 Reply with quote  

As he circled and flew away he created a ring of fire around John, Mother, Y and Jenaro Adolfo Alejandro Nazario Demetrio Luciano Urbano.

John was so out of it by this point that he could have sworn he heard and saw Johnny Cash singing "Ring of Fire." After so much frequent vomiting, he had nothing left to sustain him through further trauma, and so passed out. The last thing in his field of vision was the ghost of Johnny Cash giving Y a wet willie as she stared hopefully into the sky...

Post Wed Jun 15, 2005 4:58 am   View user's profile Send private message
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
 Reply with quote  

The last thing in his field of vision was the ghost of Johnny Cash giving Y a wet willie as she stared hopefully into the sky wondering if all of this is really necessary to break a man out of wearing diapers.

2hours, 6 minutes and 23 seconds later John woke up to find himself horribly blinded by a bright shining orb above his head. 3 minutes later John realized he was lying on his back and the orb was the sun shining brightly against a crystal purple sky. Purple sky? John thought to himself. Now that ain't right. Sitting up he found himself on a rocky beach. Slowly he looked around at his surroundings and at first glance, he was all alone. The only thing he saw was a...

Post Fri Jun 17, 2005 4:50 am   View user's profile Send private message
  Display posts from previous:      
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

Jump to:  
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

 
Templates created by Vereor and Ken