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What is it about MEN?
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Lenore



Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 361
Location: east coast
What is it about MEN?  Reply with quote  

Okay author guy it's time to help the women out here. Do men go for the really young women because of the biological imperative and the urge to mate with the healthiest and most fertile. Or is it just the "hotness factor?"

So should the over forty set just figure it's over and stop fooling ourselves with the wonder bras and plastic surgery and resign ourselves that we will never be considered hot ever again in our lives...except to someone twenty five years older than us, and maybe not even them?

what's with you guys and the needing to be carded?

ps-see what happens when you answer a question, you get another one.

Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:32 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Lenore



Joined: 01 Feb 2005
Posts: 361
Location: east coast
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It has been pointed out to me by my 18 year old daughter that I can not love you as much as I claim oh author guy. For I have posed a question to you that would make you lose some of your fanbase IF you answer it with any amount of honesty. This would be counter productive to me giving my friends and relatives your books. So please feel free to ignore the previous question. She also pointed out if you answered you may lose chances for sex any time soon and I wouldn't wish that on you. So I may need answers but one thing I know is that maybe the 18 year olds are wiser than their mothers.

Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:16 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Jilly
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Lenore wrote:
It has been pointed out to me by my 18 year old daughter that I can not love you as much as I claim oh author guy. For I have posed a question to you that would make you lose some of your fanbase IF you answer it with any amount of honesty. This would be counter productive to me giving my friends and relatives your books. So please feel free to ignore the previous question. She also pointed out if you answered you may lose chances for sex any time soon and I wouldn't wish that on you. So I may need answers but one thing I know is that maybe the 18 year olds are wiser than their mothers.


I am so proud of you for asking a question that I was afraid to but more than happy to give guys an answer to women. It's because guys have an attention span of a gnat and it's fun for them to mess with us. If you get a chance read Mark Twain's "The Diaries of Adam and Eve".

Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 4:34 pm   
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
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Speaking from a manís point of view I have to say that it isnít merely a hotness factor or just a fertile thing. I have mostly dated and went for women that were younger than me. Age really isnít an issue in who I date and what attracts me to them. It is more of a vitality/compatibility thing.

Since being medicated I have slowed down considerably but before that I could stay up all night, go to work and not have trouble. Medication is the issue, not age or at least I hope. I used to get up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning and exercise but not as much any more. Now it is more rambling around in the night and bumping into things. Just kidding, a bit, but the truth is not age, beauty but compatibility that is attractive.

The younger women that I have gone for of late have something missing, sure they have beauty and youth but it is still lacking. I think it was Nick Hornby in High Fidelity that said that relationships should not be based on simultaneous orgasms. It is compatibility. They may have youth and vitality but in the end what is there to talk about because when the orgasm is over you have to say something and I would hope that it isnít something along the lines of how much.

I am still attracted to the vitality of younger women but I donít like much rap music. I love to talk about music but when some kid goes one about the torment of M&M and how the angst of rap is so engaging I think about the angst of Iggy Pop and the Stooges RAW POWER. Nirvana was the same. They were a good band but they still owe a lot of what they did to The Replacements. I recommend the album Let it Be by them but they too got older. Iggy can or could be seen on Nickelodeon and Paul Westerberg of the Replacements can rock but he now does a few ballads. The vitality of youth is engaging but not something to base a relationship on, like orgasms. It is nice to be around younger people and see what they are into but there is still a division of time.

There are some women that can break the barrier of time and age but they are rare. The same is for men. That is why you see so many older musicians marrying younger but before their first child gets out of nappies they are in court settling up the estate and asking for cash.

I go for the hotness factor but also the intelligence and compatibility factor. I would like someone who looks good, is intelligent and can appreciate the humour of the Three Stooges and Monty Python. I would like a woman who may like the angst of M&M but knows that punk rock is where much of that came from or someone that knows that Frank Sinatra was in Oceans Eleven and just that most of what is today is a convolution of yesterday. Is it too much to ask for someone that knows that Robbie Williams is good adaptation of Morrissey? So in the end we men may be attracted to younger women but if there is no compatibility there is nothing.

BTW: Compatibility can be hard to see.

ta,
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Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:21 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
Re: What is it about MEN?  Reply with quote  

Lenore wrote:
So should the over forty set just figure it's over and stop fooling ourselves with the wonder bras and plastic surgery and resign ourselves that we will never be considered hot ever again in our lives...except to someone twenty five years older than us, and maybe not even them?
Short answer: no, do not resign youself. On the other hand, do admit that you're never going to be 19 or even 25 again (hey! siddown, KatarinaNavane) and deal with it.

Looks around to see if Mrs. Sarge is watching . . . OK, the coast is clear.

I work at a University. In the School of Public Health. And spring arrived last week. That means I'm surrounded on a daily basis by well-built college femme fatales who sneak up on the roof across from my office, desperately trying to build up a base tan before heading home for the summer. It's like working in an orchard at harvest time, fer Gawds sake.

And you know what? The two sexiest women around are ten years younger and older than me, respectively. They have various amounts of grey hair, and a few extra pounds. Eyes that have clearly seen the world. Hands that know how to work (did I mention I love hands? Love 'em...). And brains. Glorious, overpowered, double-D, pedal to the metal brains (damn, I sound like a zombie. Sorry.)

They don't just flirt, they flirt with wit and charm. If flirting was a crime, these two would be lifers. And they take no prisoners. I've been working on their computers and heard them drop lines on some fumbling shmuck that leaves him skewered fore and aft, and the dumbass won't figure it out for another ten years. Assuming his memory is working at all, that is.

When these ladies deliver those verbal bombs, they smile sweetly 'cause they know how hard it is for me to keep a straight face, and they say, 'O Steve, I'm soooo glad you're here working on my computer' when we both know the real reason they're glad is because it does the soul good to have a witness when they dismember the deserving. And eventually Mr Dumbass wanders away and wonders just what they were trying to tell him.

These women dress nice. Not like frumps, nor like grannies. Like adults. They dress in quiet style, and wear it with grace. And their clothes fit. No trying to get a size 14 body into a size 12 dress. A well-fit size 16 is a helluva lot more attractive than a size 12 coed who thinks she's a size 6 and whose tight hiphugger have removed what trace of waist she had.

These women read. They read fun books, and the read serious book. They read history, science, and fiction. But they won't read books that talk down to them.

They know how to have conversations about what they've read. That's because they read interesting things, and think about them, and then say interesting things about what they've read.

Are they pretty? One of them might have been when she was 20, but it's more likely that neither was a classic beauty. A bit too much strength in the jaw in both cases, and a gaze that's more direct and penetrating than beauty can tolerate.

If I were single, and if they were single (well, one of them is technically single), you bet your ass that I'd overcome Dating Fear and ask 'em to dinner.

Now, I've never seen a full photo of most of the females here. I have no idea of what most of you look like, dress like, and in a lot of cases don't know how old you are (siddown, KatarinaNavane Smile). But I can tell you that while I like looking in the orchard (and you like looking at Brad Pitt), a steady diet of sweets (or beefsteak) is ultimately a bad thing. Variety comes from the brain, and when its time to get serious, that's where the smart guys look. Well, once they're past 40.

So buck up. There are good guys out there, and the major problem with a lot of 'em is that they've been rode hard and put away wet by some good-looking women. They're a bit gun-shy, and a bit rumpled. But they love books, and their great joy is finding someone to share that love with. If you can get that far, well, as they say, one thing leads to another.

Oops, gotta go. Here comes Mrs. Sarge.

"Hey, sweetie, whatcha readin'?"

Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 6:42 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
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And Katarina, my apologies for using you as a rhetorical change of pace. Looking back, it was kind of rude.

Post Mon Apr 11, 2005 7:00 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Tal



Joined: 21 May 2004
Posts: 1692
Location: Not Massachusetts
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I've never dated a woman my age or younger. Smile
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Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:57 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
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Iím a people watcher by nature. When out and about at bars/clubs/malls/etc. you see all types of people. Even riding public transportation. You can always feel the tension in the air when an attractive man comes on board, and you can always tell whoís interested. Most of the older women tend to look down or in the opposite direction while their cheeks flush. While the younger ones will perk up Ė stand/sit up straighter, do a little hair primping, or even smile. I think itís the actions of the younger women that make the male feel like theyíve been selected out of a crowd of hundreds (in other words inflate the ego amongst other things). Thatís why I think one of the main reasons men are drawn to the younger women. Confidence.

When in doubt, remember the wise words of Mr. Stuart Smalley: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:00 am   View user's profile Send private message
Jilly
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Okay Sarge, CU and Ferritt, you too, Chris (you're not getting off that easily just because you're writing a book for the rest of us): My question is this: Why is it that neither sex takes enough time to figure the good ones out. And why is it that we get our hearts stomped so badly that there is no way on god's green earth that we ever in our wildest imagination want to go out and try it again, we figure it's a hell of a lot smarter to live alone.. I divorced in the 80s, that was the AIDs crisis, only place you could meet guys was clubs, and then you had to hose them down with industrial strength Lysol so you didn't catch anything. I'm still in hiding. OBTW, The industrial strength Lysol? Works for guys on women. I really, really, really, really, really want to know. Why do we stop giving people a chance?

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:35 am   
lisa



Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Posts: 6789
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Men do go in for the younger women for the hotness factor. Later on if their intelligence demands it they settle for more.

One cannot deny that there is a certain peace in living alone. Providing you love your work and have a good social life. There is no perfect one man for one woman. There can be a series of different fabulous men in one's life. It's more fulfilling and satisfying physically and emotionally. Taking in a man into one's life allows him total power and control. Jilly I read your question as why do we stop giving people a chance to have that power? Because we are not silly anymore.

I found every view a delight to read.

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:14 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
y



Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3858
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Jilly wrote:
I really, really, really, really, really want to know. Why do we stop giving people a chance?

Because we eventually get to a point when we can spot a waste of time from a mile away. Or, we fall into the damsel in distress syndrome - we just sit and wait for the knight in shining armour to come and save us. I feel like that is such an antiquated way of thinking. Jilly, if you want to give people a chance, then go and be that person. Just make sure you take care of yourself...do it on your own terms. Even if it doesn't work out in the end at least no one had 'control' over your life - they were a part of it.

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:31 am   View user's profile Send private message
Jilly
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y wrote:
Or, we fall into the damsel in distress syndrome - we just sit and wait for the knight in shining armour to come and save us. Jilly, if you want to give people a chance, then go and be that person. Just make sure you take care of yourself...do it on your own terms. Even if it doesn't work out in the end at least no one had 'control' over your life - they were a part of it.


Can't help it. I just can't help it: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Let down your hair". Gee I wonder if that's what they meant when Grimm put that in his fairy tale. Oh and I agree whole heartedly with ya. And right now I'm sitting next to a guy who just introduced himself because he thought I was going to take his coffee. Poor guy has had so many weird things happen to him today in Central Square and I was the final straw only this time he got a laugh when I said I wouldn't take his coffee. Now there is a pick up line. Flirting only. Not an invitation ... yet!!!

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:55 am   
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
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Jilly,

I wish I had an answer for you. I have never been that good with relationships mainly for the reason that, I know you will be a bit surprised, I am a bit weird. When people talk to me about their daily lives I get bored and wonder why they are telling me what they are telling me. Generally I am not interested in the daily lives of most people because they usually are boring or they just cannot tell a good story. I donít like to hear about the price of gas, cigs, whatever. It is not interesting to hear about the babies first spit up or BM. Now if the baby had a bowel movement while spitting up all over that pack of cigs at the gas station that might be interesting.

I cannot speak for normal people because I have realised that I am not one of them. This is no call for therapeutic help or advice from future Freudian scholars it is just the truth. Most of my relationships donít last that long because I find the woman too boring after a few dates. I am trying not to sound too conceited but it is true. I want the woman that I choose to go out with to be interesting and fun to talk to and not in the realm of circus attraction. Looks should not matter but they do but I have found that most people have certain areas that they are fixated upon. I like butts myself but my favourite part of the female body is the slight curvature inwards at the lower part of the spine just above the bum. I also like how some women take their fringe and tuck it behind their ear. There is not a dominating part of the face. I like the crowís feet that develop but also the sheerness of a younger face.

Most men do not understand that women are to be appreciated. I can appreciate the beauty of a great sport event but it cannot compare to the beauty in a womanís face. The way a woman glides across the floor after a gift of flowers and chocolate is just as great as a Walter Payton touchdown or a Beckham goal. Barry Bonds has a smooth swing but how can that compare to a woman, it is impossible to compare because I would choose the woman consistently and I like baseball.

This makes me sound like some sort of a deviant but you as an artist should know the importance of beauty. Some people go for the landscapes of Ansel Adams but I could take them or leave them. Robert Doisneauís capture of the kiss is much better in my mind. Dian Arbus scares me a bit but the works of Mary Cassat are wonderful to me. She could take the simplest things and make the piercing. Pollock could do the same with a splatter of paint.

I think the point is that most people donít see these things. It is the difference between a photograph and a picture or a Readerís Digest and novel. A picture is what you take on vacation and a Readerís Digest is what you put down and forget. Some people are just Readerís Digests with nothing to say. It is sad but true. There are people out there who are a one page story with no ending. I myself prefer the novel but compatibility gets in the way. There are few women, and men for that matter, that can pull of the bowel movement at the gas station story with a stain of spit up on their blouse with out complaining about the stain and not see the humour behind it all.

Basically some men are just in life for the digest version of being and then some are in it for the novel experience with the plot twists. The trick is to find out which one they are before you get into a relationship. You can spot them right off usually but some are disguised. The ones that you can spot straight away have the latest CD blaring away in their car that compensates for something. However this can be a guise as well. Donít be fooled. First impression can be wrong. For you it would be the guy with Handsome Boy Modelling Schoolís single World Gone Mad playing on the stereo. The best approach is to ask them what they think of the song. If they say something like ďDude iss got a good beatĒ then they may be the wrong one or they could be fíing with you. I would be the one Fíing with you but otherís wouldnít they just wouldnít know what the song was about. There is a reason Imagine by John Lennon runs chills down spines when it is heard. There is a reason why the Ode to Joy by Beethoven makes people stop and listen. Some, well most, men are full of shit. They will say anything to get a shag but some want all of you and are willing to spend the time to figure you out like a simple pop song or a painting or a photograph, or novel. You just need to find the right one.

I havenít found the right woman but she could be anywhere or it may have been that girl that I went out with ten years ago. Who knows? That is the beauty of life. For you it could be the nut at the library or the guy in pottery class that say things like, ďThat tunes' got a good groove to it.Ē For some there are masks that we put on. Some are as clear as a teen pop song.

Albert Einstein said:

The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.

Don't give up.

I know also that this doesn't aswer your question but it may. The best advice is to be carefull and not to give up. Men and women are a mystery. If they weren't then we wouldn't be writing and reading out them for centuries.

ta,
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I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes. -HST

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Goudron



Joined: 03 Aug 2004
Posts: 2570
Location: near Cleveland OH
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If I took all of the females I've ever had an interest in and put them in one room I don't think anyone could draw too many common denominators. Very few younger than me either.

So there! Razz

Sorry, I had to add that. Looked incomplete without it.
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White and feathery, yet crude and noisy, the chicken is the backbone of our farming community.

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 5:31 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
sgt_steve



Joined: 18 Jan 2005
Posts: 5197
Location: Michissippi
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Jilly wrote:
Okay Sarge, CU and Ferritt, you too, Chris (you're not getting off that easily just because you're writing a book for the rest of us): My question is this: Why is it that neither sex takes enough time to figure the good ones out. And why is it that we get our hearts stomped so badly that there is no way on god's green earth that we ever in our wildest imagination want to go out and try it again, we figure it's a hell of a lot smarter to live alone.. I divorced in the 80s, that was the AIDs crisis, only place you could meet guys was clubs, and then you had to hose them down with industrial strength Lysol so you didn't catch anything. I'm still in hiding. OBTW, The industrial strength Lysol? Works for guys on women. I really, really, really, really, really want to know. Why do we stop giving people a chance?
Damn, woman, you don't ask easy questions.

I dunno. My head can be turned by a pretty face just as much as the next guy, and I'm no stranger to infatuation. But I do know that what has lasted is based on what's inside: heart, soul, spirit, sense of humor, the whole nine yards. Unfortunately none of that can be seen from the outside. So why don't we wait? I dunno. In some ways, I'd have to say I was damned lucky to fall in love with a woman who's funny and smart and so forth. Maybe that's why it's lasted - dumb luck at the start, followed by enough smarts to recognize a good thing and stick with it.

I can't imagine having dated in the 80s. I thought the 70s were a crazy time, but looking back I was nuts. AIDs was just still GRID, something that happened only to gay men and had nothing to do with sex. For us, penicillin would fix damned near anything.

I just can't imagine dating today. If (God forbid) something ever happened to my wife, I wouldn't want to date anybody until I already knew them really well. That may sound paradoxical, but it can be done. Watch what a lot of kids do, including mine. There are lots and lots of group activities, with five to ten guys and gals going to movies and dinners and playing frisbee golf in the park, always in groups. It's a lot more relaxed, and they get to know each other a lot better before intense one-on-one dating starts.

And maybe that's the answer to your question. We push too hard because we were raised in a sort of Ozzie and Harriet world or its first-generation descendant. In high school and college the sexes were self-segregated except for date time. Every once in a while you'd bump into somebody who had a 'friend' of the opposite sex, but they were regarded at at least unusual if not downright wierd. Most of the time that you dealt directly with the opposite sex was in those intense, one-on-one dates. It was a bad way to get to know somebody. Both people were constantly putting their best foot forward, hiding the faults and pretending to enjoy things because they thought the other would. It led to an unrealistic view of the other, and didn't prepare either to first be friend and companion to the other. Nor to be patient.

Anyway, that's what I think tonight. Ask again tomorrow and I might have a different idea. Smile

Post Tue Apr 12, 2005 7:18 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
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