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Pedo Santa

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Pedo Santa  Reply with quote  

funbagz,
You are very sick and twisted. Now with that said...
I like the idea here and even how you presented it but does it end there or is there more. It just seems to end and that would be my only criticism. Write an ending cause now I want to see what happens next. By the way I'm a reader not a writer so my criticism in more of an arm chair quarterback kind of thing.

Ja

Post Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:10 pm   
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
I thought I was logged in...  Reply with quote  

But I wasn't.
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Post Sat Jul 09, 2005 2:12 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
funbagz



Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 61
Location: I'd tell you if I knew
Re: Pedo Santa  Reply with quote  

Anonymous wrote:
funbagz,
You are very sick and twisted. Now with that said...
I like the idea here and even how you presented it but does it end there or is there more. It just seems to end and that would be my only criticism. Write an ending cause now I want to see what happens next. By the way I'm a reader not a writer so my criticism in more of an arm chair quarterback kind of thing.

Ja


I'm sorry that you think it's too short or that the ending is too abrupt, but that's how it came out. That is all that there is, but I could do a follow up, like a 60 minutes report on it or something like that.

Thank you for the feedback, I'll try to have the ending come more gradually and more of a sense of completion to it next time.
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Post Sat Jul 09, 2005 4:07 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Goudron



Joined: 03 Aug 2004
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Location: near Cleveland OH
 Reply with quote  

Quote:
Like CM said "It's hard to write in a vacuum"


What with all the dust and cat hair flying around, not to mention the noise, I can't agree more.

IMO, the humour is stifled by the pedophilia. I'm not shocked or outraged by the pedophilia references, but maybe it's preventing me from laughing at the rest of it. I don't think it's bad, it just doesn't move me in one way or another, and I don't think your desired net response was indifference.

Of course others might feel quite differently.
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Post Sat Jul 09, 2005 4:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
funbagz



Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 61
Location: I'd tell you if I knew
 Reply with quote  

I can see how it could moot the humour; something so unacceptable as pedofilia, no mater how fictional the storyline is. Some times you just can't look past it or accept it as funny even if it is completely fictional and I understand totally. kind of like the horror of pedofilia canceling out any kind of humour there might be and making it neutral, bland as grey.

Thanks for the critique though, I want all sides of it, not just if someone liked it. I find people that hate my work give better feedback and tell me what's wrong or what they didn't like so I might be able to fix it or add something I didn't think of before.
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Post Sat Jul 09, 2005 10:39 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
 Reply with quote  

funbagz wrote:
I can see how it could moot the humour; something so unacceptable as pedofilia, no mater how fictional the storyline is. Some times you just can't look past it or accept it as funny even if it is completely fictional and I understand totally. kind of like the horror of pedofilia canceling out any kind of humour there might be and making it neutral, bland as grey.

Thanks for the critique though, I want all sides of it, not just if someone liked it. I find people that hate my work give better feedback and tell me what's wrong or what they didn't like so I might be able to fix it or add something I didn't think of before.


The paedophile slant I donít think has ever been used for humour but I am no speed reader and havenít read every book out there. I did read your story and found it to be ok but I immediately thought of dead Santa in Chrisí book and also the film Bad Santa. That isnít a bad thing either. Most people hated Bad Santa but I loved it. I am constantly calling Santa the fat guy in the red suit.

I did read a book many years ago called Masked Dog, donít bother looking it up, it wasnít that good and all it was typical action mystery with a horror angle. A character in that book was a paedo but it was used to intensify his evilness, he was also a combination of The Hulk with movie star looks. Forgive me for reading it; I was in high school at the time and I thought I was reading Lassie Cum Home, the porno version of the beloved TV show.

If I were to use the fat guy in the red suit like that then I would probably make him do all the regular Santa stuff but strike out when it came to the kiddies. You know something where he is breaking in to their houses looking for a piece of ass but finds no one there, they have a chastity belt on, all ready in bed with mom or dad or Uncle Ernie, and so on. It could be The Night before Christmas and all the Snatch is Taken story. You may think I am joking with you but I would probably read it. What I think the problem is that you have picked to make fun of one of the most horrendous crimes in history and it is hard for people to accept that. You are taking a symbol of our culture and leaving the flaming bad of poo on his doorstep but you need to make it longer and add some description so the reader knows what you are talking about. I am not talking about that crimes of Santa because those can be easily conjured in the mind because we all sat through news report after news report of Mickey Jackson so we know what it is all about because he was doing to the hookie pokey.

Ta,
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Post Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:37 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
 Reply with quote  

I agree with FL. I think it might be even funnier if Santa had grand visions of being a paedophile but never could pull it off. It would maybe make it a little more fun because you never envision that he ever actually did do anything, but no for lack of trying. I don't know I guess I'm not that easily offended by fiction. It's when you start glorifing something like a paedophile that I would get offended. You haven't done that here so I think it's funny.

Ja
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Post Sun Jul 10, 2005 11:23 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
funbagz



Joined: 16 Feb 2005
Posts: 61
Location: I'd tell you if I knew
 Reply with quote  

Like I said before, I could do a 60 minute-like report, where maybe they find Santa's journal or they find some sort of account to what really happened. Then I could go into detail, and show how sick and twisted Santa really was.

I wrote this because I think no one does anything unless it benefits them in some way, it's just human nature. Why would Santa Claus spend all that time, money and butt-load of effort and get nothing in return what so ever? He must have gotten something out of it or at least he tried to.
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Post Sun Jul 10, 2005 1:09 pm   View user's profile Send private message
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