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The Rules
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ken
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
Location: Boulder, CO
The Rules  Reply with quote  

THE RULES

Hello and welcome to the Christopher Moore Message Board. We'd like to
thank you for attending and wish you all happy posting. There are,
however, a few rules to be observed and maintained while participating on
this site. Please read them carefully and decide if this is, in fact, the site for
you.


1-For the first three months of joining the CM community, all participants
are required to post naked. Anyone caught posting while dressed in any
way will come to the attention of Tom Ridge, Director of Homeland Security.
No one's really sure how.

2-Chairs are not to be used while visiting the CM website. Instead, stacks
of Chris Moore books should be bought and implemented for this purpose.
The stack should be renewed once every three weeks.

3-We ask that all posts and subsequent responses be hilarious in nature.
If you aren't sure about the level of comedy found within your submission,
please copy it to an email and send it to a friend/lover/Chris/priest/barista
for approval before subjecting other members of the board to it.

4-No Canadians. Americans impersonating Canadians to enhance their
safety abroad are, however, accepted. But we won't refrain from calling
them Hoser Posers.

5-From time to time, Mr. Moore himself will drop in and participate in the
"back and forth" activity on the board. We ask that, when he does, make
no sudden movements and avoid making eye-contact as he may become
skittish or irate. Mr. Moore throwing feces at the computer screen while
screaming "DRIVE THROUGH, YA WANKS! DRIVE THROUGH!" only serves to
slow down the production of books.

6-No one who dates a Canadian.

7-At no point should any disparaging remarks ever be made about "Buffy,
The Vampire Slayer". That suck-ass piece of crap show is worshipped
around here.

8-Please do not express any emotion by the use of descriptive words or
phrases. We offer a full variety of Emoticons for this purpose.

9-No political posts, please. None. Mr. Moore throwing feces at the
computer screen while chanting "FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!"
only serves to slow down the production of books. (OK, put them in the
Politics section, and Chris will ignore them).

10-No actors.

11 - All the above rules are subject to the discretion of the reader, and may
be ignored completely. Except for rule number 9.


Last edited by ken on Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:33 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Fri May 21, 2004 1:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
Think insane.



Joined: 26 Apr 2004
Posts: 1577
Location: Night's Plutonian shore
 Reply with quote  

Best fucking rules ever!
_________________
"It's like he channels dead crazy people."
-Brock Samson

thinkinsane at mac dot com
AIM: thinkpsychotic

Post Fri May 21, 2004 6:00 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address
Paul R



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 1827
Location: Kiribati
 Reply with quote  

These rules were posted before. Your tracking system is awfull. I am a Canadian. I have been on this board for two years. I date an American. I have done so for almost two years. I have been Canadian since 1992 when I got a passport that proclaims me a member of the worlds greatest country (UN poll every year since 44AD) It was I who implemented the post naked rule. Yes I! An English chap who is 1/2 Canuck! How is that for sticking a fork in the brutal corporate management that has overtaken this board! (Sticking tongue out at Ken and Chris) As there is an American on this board who I know for a fact is dating a Canadian then Gentlemen, I leave you to face her wrath.

Paul R
_________________
'la putain et le moitier-voleur ont perdu leurs boucliers de gencives pendant le dessus-dessous'

Post Fri May 21, 2004 8:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
deb



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 6325
Location: Montana
 Reply with quote  

Paul R wrote:
These rules were posted before. Your tracking system is awfull. I am a Canadian. I have been on this board for two years. I date an American. I have done so for almost two years. I have been Canadian since 1992 when I got a passport that proclaims me a member of the worlds greatest country (UN poll every year since 44AD) It was I who implemented the post naked rule. Yes I! An English chap who is 1/2 Canuck! How is that for sticking a fork in the brutal corporate management that has overtaken this board! (Sticking tongue out at Ken and Chris) As there is an American on this board who I know for a fact is dating a Canadian then Gentlemen, I leave you to face her wrath.

Paul R


This post is full of false statements. This board has only been here for a couple months. The last board was only around a year or so. The one before might not have been the original, either. You have been living in Canada since you were a kid, even if you only got your passport in 1992. You can't be 1/2 Canadian, since neither of your parents was born in Canada. I'll send an autistic kid to investigate any fork-sticking.

The woman you're dating has a restraining order against you. Or should have. Maybe thinks since you're ranting here, it's a good idea to get one. He wears an "IAM CANADIAN" wifebeater!
_________________
"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind; it doesn't take you anywhere, but it tones up muscles that might." Pratchett

Post Fri May 21, 2004 9:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Hillary



Joined: 13 Apr 2004
Posts: 1767
Tee hee.  Reply with quote  

That was beautiful, Deb.

OOOOOH. "I am Canadian" wifebeaters? WHERE?

Post Sat May 22, 2004 11:40 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
deb



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 6325
Location: Montana
 Reply with quote  

okay, i don't really have a restraining order out on him. What kind of guy but a Canadian fancypants says he'll get his girlfriend to beat someone up?
_________________
"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind; it doesn't take you anywhere, but it tones up muscles that might." Pratchett

Post Sat May 22, 2004 1:10 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Lara



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2061
Location: NorCal, USA
Damn, girl!  Reply with quote  

Deb, I love your new avatar! Twisted Evil
_________________
"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor." ~ http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays


http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1286305849

Post Mon May 31, 2004 10:28 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Taco Bob



Joined: 12 Apr 2004
Posts: 1201
Location: Palm Falls, Florida
honest work  Reply with quote  

Deb,
You ainít planning on any trips down south anytime soon are you? Let me know if you are, I might have a little job for ya. Thereís this fella, Big Snort, played linebacker in school until he was kicked off the team for meanness, has got it in his head to be parking his boat trailer in my lucky spot down at the boat ramp. Heís also been fishing in my best hole over by Snake Fang Key. If that werenít bad enough, somebody seen this floor-sweeping of society reading a Ann Coulter book whilst sitting in a tree stand last hunting season. This blight on mankind is a known puppy kicker, kitten tosser, and is also rumored to put sugar in cornbread.
Let me know what kind of up-front money were talking here for fingernail-pullings, leg-breakings, and general ass-whuppings. Do you take plastic?
Yer friend,
Taco Bob
ps: Skunk wants to talk to you about his parole officer.
_________________
Key Weird

Post Tue Jun 01, 2004 5:17 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
palmer



Joined: 30 Mar 2004
Posts: 1324
Canadians  Reply with quote  

Have just read the rules and have a few questions:

4-No Canadians...
6-No one who dates a Canadian.
9-No political posts, please...

Isn't there a contradiction there? (Did I just violate rule number 3 by not being hilarious?)

But seriously -- (Am I allowed to do that?) -- what's the thing with Canadians?

Yes, I am a Canadian.


John Palmer


P.S. - My grandfather was from Ogdensburg, N.Y. Can I still visit here?

Post Tue Jun 01, 2004 6:14 am   View user's profile Send private message
deb



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 6325
Location: Montana
 Reply with quote  

as
_________________
"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind; it doesn't take you anywhere, but it tones up muscles that might." Pratchett


Last edited by deb on Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:03 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:24 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Sara Leigh



Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 7385
Location: Virginia
John  Reply with quote  

See Rule #11.

(I believe Rules #4 and #6 were created with Paul R and Deb in mind, but I could be wrong.)

I swear I didn't submit the previous post. I only previewed it. Now I can't delete either of these. Mad


Last edited by Sara Leigh on Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:35 am; edited 1 time in total

Post Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:26 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website Yahoo Messenger
deb



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 6325
Location: Montana
Re: John  Reply with quote  

Sara Leigh wrote:
See Rule #11.

(I believe Rules #4 and #6 were created with Paul R and Deb in mind, but I could be wrong.)


Lara, if anyone was gonna like it, I figured it would be you!

TacoBob, I'll take care of all your varmit problems. No worries.

John, we ignore #4 and #6 totally. Me, because well....i'm me. Paul doesn't follow it because he's also British and rather a snob.
_________________
"Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind; it doesn't take you anywhere, but it tones up muscles that might." Pratchett

Post Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:29 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Bill
Guest




da rules  Reply with quote  

Wow ! I ainít never done none of this blog stuff before. But the rulesÖ tough.

1-I was going to include the nude photo of myself but not being computer savvy I was unable to figure out how to do that. Its best left that way. I donít want a bunch of young chicks e-mailing me. Iíve heard the rumors about internet stalkers. The lady in my life gets really weird about that stuff.

2-I tried the sitting on the stack-o-books written my Mr. Moore. Donít work so good. I fell off. Ainít going to do that again. Ya think Iím stupid? Duh!

3-Iím not hilarious. Not even funny. I live in a little world of 21 funny people but their not writing this are they. Most of them canít even write. So what ya gonna do? Be like a little kid and not let me in the club. Big meannie.

4-I ainít no Canadian. Went out with a woman from Zim Minnesota once and that was as close To a Canuck as I wanna get. They smell like wood chips.

5-Ya, right ! Mr. Moore himself ya say. Iíve read all his books. Even paid for them so he is probably to rich and uppity to hobnob with us common folks. Berke Breathed maybe but MooreÖ

6-Yuck!

7-I wouldnít think of besmirching such a fine piece of shi work.

8-Ok.

9-After Reagan, and the Bushes no more political jokes or sad commentary are necessary.

10-How come?

11-Harrumph! Now I am confused.

To Mr. Christopher Moore I say; you are one of the great writers of this century. Maybe even the last century. Because I live in such a miserable and despicable little place I need to read a lot. I need to laugh. And the gift of laughter you have given me is greatly appreciated. I look forward to your next book.

Without a doubt
Bill
Very Happy

Post Sun Jun 13, 2004 1:34 pm   
shannonnurse



Joined: 11 Jun 2004
Posts: 1
Location: fort worth, texas
 Reply with quote  

Um...Ok...So I'm naked and I tried sitting on the books but now I have Practical Demonkeeping stuck to my ass...It's really not funny to have a book stuck to your ass when the cable man comes...So here I am new to the site, not Canadian, originally from Alabama (moved to Texas to get a little mix up in the gene pool)...Anyway, *HI* and all that crap...Big fan of Mr. Moore (I also have big Texas hair, maybe it's really an afro, I dunno)...Ta Very Happy
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Post Sun Jun 13, 2004 5:28 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website MSN Messenger
Rob 1



Joined: 29 Aug 2004
Posts: 25
Location: Lost Angeles
 Reply with quote  

Read the rules and the dude abides! If I get naked will I get a date easier? Or just an easy date. Like it really matters at that point. Thanks for the rules.

Post Mon Aug 30, 2004 6:31 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address
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