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Chapters 1 & 2

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Naked and Famous



Joined: 23 Jul 2005
Posts: 1044
Location: Redmond, WA
Chapters 1 & 2  Reply with quote  

This is what I wrote. I had a hard time getting started with it so any suggestions would be appreciated!! I started it out as a parody, but then had to change it.


Hamilton grabbed the plate of riblets and put it onto his left forearm, then grabbed the plate of spaghetti and put it in his left palm. In his right hand he carried the basket of bread sticks for table sixteen. Working at Chili’s was grueling for him except for one thing. There was a hot girl that always came in to eat there. She was in a commercial that he seen, and he couldn’t believe that she ate at Chili’s. She was tall with a curvaceous rocking body, dark ringlets and beautiful hazel eyes. Her name was Becky, and he paid the hostess to seat her in his section. There was a slight glitch to his approach though: once she sat down and he actually had to talk to her he was at a slight loss for words, and all he really had to do was ask her what she wanted to order. What was worse was he knew what she wanted to order; she always ordered the same thing.
Hamilton was off daydreaming and in walked Becky, accompanied by her friend Josie. As Becky walked into the restaurant time slowed down and the theme from Peter Gunn became the world’s background music, her curls bouncing in perfect time like they could hear the beat all by themselves. As Hamilton returned to reality he nearly dropped the riblets.
“Could we sit by the window today?” Josie asked the hostess.
“There aren’t any window seats today,” answered the hostess.
Josie looked around. “What about over there?” She asked and pointed to an empty table that was set up with crisp white napkins carefully placed in the water goblets.
“That one is taken already. They just got up and went to the restroom.” Said the hostess. “Here you go. Enjoy your meal.”
Did I have to pick the worst liar of the bunch, he thought.
“Boy,” said Josie, “they sure get the stupidest people to work here.”
“Hi, my name is Hamilton, and I uh, well, uh am going to be your flavor today.”
“What did you just say?” asked Becky.
“I’m going to be talking in your horder. Um, I’ll be black,” Oh jeeze, I just blew it! Why do I do this to myself? Thought Hamilton, I can’t even believe that I am that stupid around hot girls.
They had their heads together and cackled like hens, and then Becky gave a little snort. Oh great, I hope they're not laughing at me, he thought. Nice, I have no friends and the only girl I’m interested in thinks that I've made to think I'm a moron.
In his eyes he was a big loser. First off, Hamilton wished he were about three inches taller, and was more muscular. He has a slight build and was hoping to fill out a little, but no matter how much he tried weight lifting he just doesn’t get the muscle that he would like to have, even with drinking protein shakes for breakfast every morning. Secondly, he doesn’t really know how to talk to girls; he really doesn’t know how to talk to guys either for that matter. Furthermore, he has only lived in California since the beginning of the college term, and was also taking such a load of classes that he doesn’t have time to make friends right now.
The main reason that he didn’t talk to girls was because he really didn’t know how. Whenever he tried to talk to ladies, like to practice on them for the real girls, what he gets are those “what a cute little boy” looks. That doesn’t help him figure out what he was doing wrong, it only assured that there was a right way to talk to girls and he wasn’t getting it.
After assessing his failures Hamilton walked over to the girls to take their order. He stood and just looked at them. The girls look at each other and then at him and back to each other.
“Ok,” said Becky to Hamilton sarcastically, “you’ve looked at us.”
“What are you going to order today?” he finally blurts out.
“I’ll have a spinach salad please with the dressing on the side,” answered Becky, “and a glass of water.”
“And I’ll have the same,” said Josie.
“Great, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Hamilton walked away wondering why he bothered asking them what they want at all. They always order the same thing.

“So, tell me about this audition that you are going on,” purred Josie.
“Well, it is this really dumb idea for a sitcom that is a little like I Dream of Jeannie but instead of it being about an astronaut and a genie it is about a deep sea diver and his maid, which is basically what Jeannie was. I am really hoping for a dope guy to try out for the part of the diver. Like maybe Matthew McConeghey,” said Becky.
“That sounds like the stupidest idea for a series. Who watches crap like that?”
“I don’t know. It is just an excuse for a cute girl to be in a maid uniform. It will probably be in lingerie. Maybe 13 year old boys will watch it.”
“Spinach salads for the ladies,” interrupted Hamilton. The girls just stared at him with a go away kind of look. So he did.
“He bugs me,” said Josie, unfolding her napkin and putting it on her lap.

Chapter Two
“…DEGREES IN THE VALLEY TODAY AND HEAT INLAND” screamed the radio announcer at 6:30 am in Los Angeles.
“What the hell,” murmured Becky and she covered her head with a pillow and pulled her sheet up to her ears. “Go away. I don’t want to go to school.”
She was about to push the snooze button but then realized that she had an audition today for The Rolling Stones commercial. For some reason they were doing a commercial for a mortgage company, which insinuates that they are getting desperate or greedy.
Becky can’t recall one Rolling Stones song; in fact, most of the girls who she would see on the audition didn’t know who the Rolling Stones were and had to ask their parents. Most of them replied with “The Greatest Rock Band of All Time” or “just a bunch of fags.” Some of them even asked their grandparents.
Becky rolled out of bed and dragged herself into her bathroom. “UUUGH!!” She said about herself to her cat. “I can’t wait until I am a real actress and I have a professional make-up artist at my disposal whenever I feel like it.” She wailed into the bathroom mirror. Then she started to pin up her hair, which was a chore and a half, and continued her conversation with her cat. “When I get the right role I’m going to chop off this mess and have it straightened. This is a pain in the neck to take care of. Yes it is, meow,” Life is getting bleak when I talk to my cat, she thought.

When she arrived at the audition, where there were hundreds of girls, she ran into her friend Brandi, who was a drag queen. Brandi was dressed in a flowing silk shirt that was a garish orange/brown with rhinestones embedded into it. The sleeves were split up the sides and you could see his triceps flexing. He had a fake spray on tan that coordinated well with the color of his shirt, and he had his thick blonde Elizabeth Montgomery Bewitched style wig.
When Brandi heard about the Rolling Stones gig he knew that he wouldn’t miss it. Unlike Becky, Brandi knew exactly who the Rolling Stones were. In fact, Mick Jagger was one of his idols. He knew every song from Paint It Black to Under My Thumb, and all of the songs off of Tattoo You. He especially loved to watch the video of Mick and Bowie doing Dancing in the Streets. Those guys are his two favorites and Brandi never missed an opportunity to watch that video. Just thinking of the way they shake their asses in sync at the camera makes Brandi shiver with delight.
“Hi Becky,” said Brandi. “Great to see that the competition has arrived.”
“Hello to you too,” responded Becky trying to sound a little cheerful. Realistically though Brandi always made her a little nervous. Brandi didn’t hide his boner too well, and it seems like Brandi was checking her out most of the time, but Brandi swears that he is really only into guys. Uh huh. Maybe, but he is into girls as well.
“Oh my god Brandi, look over there,” said Becky pointing across the room, “is it him?” They both squealed loudly at the same time. Brandi started jumping up and down, his fake boobs bouncing like two bouys in the sea, and Becky placed her hands on the sides of her cheeks, her eyes as big as saucers and as shiny as glass. She was glowing like a child who received a puppy for Christmas.
“Mick Jagger!” squealed Brandi, but at the same time Becky squealed, “STEVEN TYLER!!” Becky said this so loudly that no one heard Brandi say Mick Jagger at all. Every one next to them started to glared at Becky like she had broken a law.
One of the thugs came over and said, “Girl, go home.”
“What’d I do?” asked Becky.
“That is Mick Jagger and he doesn’t like being called Steven Tyler. Go home.”
“You’re a jerk,” said Becky as she walked away crying.

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