Christopher Moore Home Page

The bulletin board is currently closed to new posts. Instead, why not check out Chris' Twitter and Facebook pages? Forum Index -> Fan Fiction Here

Good & Bad, Death, Happiness, UFO's the Moon and Mars

  Author    Thread This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
Good & Bad, Death, Happiness, UFO's the Moon and Mars  Reply with quote  

Good & Bad, Death, Happiness, UFO's the Moon and Mars

Jaandlu Explains It All

"As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
-Albert Einstein

I am beginning to think that people are neither good nor bad but are doing their best to stay alive. Everyone does it in his or her own way; some become successful, some become bums, some drink, some stay sober, some are health nuts, some are indulgent, some work, some steal, some have big families, some stay single, some complain about everything, some are positive about everything... you get my point. We deal. We live. We try to keep from killing ourselves with the inherent belief that tomorrow is worth waking up to for some reason; if only to complain about how tomorrow isn't worth waking up to. Good and bad are labels and opinions and don't mean shit if we don't get what we want. Happiness is a decision we make every moment of our lives. Their is no reality, only a sea of randomly firing quarks trying to move from point A to point B when they are at point A and trying to move from point B to point A when they get there. Only thing is that point A and point B are really both point C but the quarks don't like to acknowledge that because it would take the fun out of it. You see the quarks are in a dispute with the rest of reality as to what exactly reality is. That is why we had to set up quantum mechanics to explain their behavior. The only thing is that we can't agree on reality on this level and so it would be ridiculous to expect we could explain reality on that level.

The Universe is big and you could fit an infinite amount of Universes in a quark. Which is one of the reasons the quarks are so pissed off and won't acknowledge point C; all that universe stuffing has made them feel bloated. Point C however is completely oblivious to the presence of quarks because it went on a bender on Thursday and still hasn't recovered. Thursday of course is a little pissed about Point C not waking up and has therefore refused to let Friday come. This is why we spend so much time on today, never reaching tomorrow, wondering what happened to yesterday. The simple fact is that the world is held on the back of an ant smaller than usual sized ant. So he's real easy to miss. When you think you have it bad, just think of that poor ant.

It may sound like I am rambling delusionaly but I am dead serious about all of this, right down to that little ant. I am not insane. I have a very strong grasp of sanity and even though he is squirming like a two year old in church, he can't get out of my clutches.

I use to think that Jesus Christ was all about unconditional love. No freaking way. He had one really huge condition. You have to accept his version of reality. It would be nice if there was only one version of reality but that's a pipe dream. It's just not the way things are. There is no such thing as reality, only conditions we find our state of mind to be in and other people state of mind that they force upon us. They are neither good nor bad but a simple random firing of electrons. The world we see before us is an illusion we create in our minds to keeps up from flipping out about the long drop into nothingness. Funny thing is, it's not the drop but the things we smack into that are dangerous. Of course we only imagined them in the first place. We never would have to hit anything if we didn't imagine that we might.

Rule number one in my reality: The one who has the most fun wins.
But he only wins the fun.

What is death?

Death is a rumor based on the idea that you were ever alive. You walk around thinking you are alive because everyone says so. Eventually you figure out that you aren't really alive and never really were and blink out of existence. Then people make up a reason for your absence; he got hit by a car, he had a heart attack, he died of a disease, he fell off a building, the terrorists blew the building up (an explanation for mass amounts of people realizing they never really existed), the ship sank (an explanation for a ship full of people and the ship itself realizing they never existed). The problem isn't death but random quarks being so arrogant that they thought they existed in the first place.

We don't exist rather we are trapped in an idea that existence exists. It's hard to get out of because so many others are insistent on this topic. It would be nice to exist if existence was a real thing but unfortunately existence was a ploy by quarks to get a point A and point B. They were tired of point C because it reminded them so much of point D which was a place they made up to escape from point C; only when they got there it reminded them so much of point C they went right back and thought longingly of point D because it was so much easier to do than deal with the fact that point D never existed in the second place. I can't say first place because first place has never existed due to the fact that someone was always better than first place but was late to the contest.

I think Buddha said it best when he said, "I'm hungry. I think I'll
fry up some fennel."

Rule two in my reality: Reality doesn't really exist so why get mad about someone else's point of view. See rule number one.

The issue of happiness.

I think the basic problem here is expectation.

The world is in a constant state of flux as explained by quantum mechanics. If you are always in one state then you can't move. So while I may experience a sensation of movement I am not moving any more than the words in a story move. Imagine the world as a story or painting and you are getting a closer idea of what is really going on. You feel the sensation of movement only because you are looking at so many parts of the painting. Your eyes go from here to there and back here again but really you never moved your eyes off the canvas. That canvas is your life. It's a painting of random quarks that you are trying to resolve into an understandable picture in your minds eye. In reality there is nothing but a blank canvas. All the colors you see are only impressions that you have put on that canvas. Those impressions are developed from your expectations. So when you suddenly get a glimpse of the whole canvas, instead of focusing on one part of that canvas, you are let down because it's blank. The only thing is that it was always blank. The canvas you are looking at is actually just the white wash on the wall we call reality that you happened to bump into when you decided to believe in the idea that you exist.

The key to happiness is to keep the right electrons firing in the right places. Unfortunately there are a bunch of quarks out there that keep moving the places around so when you get the right electron to fire you fire it in the wrong place. And of course the electron is not to happy about being fired as it has a wife and ten kids to feed. Not to mention he is an alcoholic which is probably the reason he needed to be fired. What I really want to know is why people, myself included, say 'not to mention' then mention it anyway.

"Wait," you say, "How does that explain the key to happiness?" I'm glad you asked.

One of the things we hold so dearly to about our reality is that we are biochemical organism. Of course you and I know that this isn't true but it is so ingrained in us that we hold to it anyway. In so doing we narrow our field of reality to the chemical reactions taking place in our brains. This is why it is so popular to drink alcohol. Everyone knows that a party just isn't a party without a keg. Being that the quarks are so small, a pint is relative to a keg in our system. A pint in our body is a party on the level of quarks, a fairly good party and everyone is pretty much under control. Two pints is a bit of a bigger celebration and is usually a much better time as there are so many quarks in the body, one keg just won't go around. Two and three pint and quarks start playing really fun party games that they wouldn't usually play in the course of normal quarking. Pretty soon everyone is playing hide and seek and Red Rover, Red Rover send Quark on over. As the quarks are rushing from one side to the other this causes a rocking sensation, one they like pretty well. It gives them a sense of motion and makes them forget that they never really left point C to come to the party.

Ahhh, yes, point C. Can you imagine how he feels? He has a party in his house that is there because everyone wants to be anywhere else but point C. No wonder he got so damn drunk and puked on Thursday before passing out on him. Yeah, Thursday is still pissed and still won't let Friday come because Thursday was never really invited to the party but that was where point C landed before passing out and getting stuck there. You can imagine what it's like to have a house holds of someone else's guests, I am sure. I don't blame Thursday point C dropped a party in his lap after all the booze was gone.

We are all in a world where the party has already happened and we're in charge of clean up. The only thing is that we never got to have any beer. So we walk around trying to find unfinished beers so we can finish them, hoping to cope a buzz. But to many time those beers have cigarette butts in them and simply taste nasty. So we aren't really that motivated to clean up because all these bums didn't invite us here, rather forced us to show up because they imagined we would enjoy cleaning up.

Rule three in my reality: You can't have a party without pissing someone off because you didn't invite them or invited them too late. It's best to have the party in your own mind and hope that the quarks don't start playing Red Rover again.

UFO's and Mars.

Go outside and look up at the moon.

Right now.

I'll wait.

Does there appear to be a little UFO hovering there? If you caught Mars close enough to the moon you might think so. Mars will seem to be moving slightly as though it were hovering but it's just the way your eyes are trying to focus on the moon, which is very close, and Mars, which is very far away. People call in and report this very phenomenon as a UFO case all the time. I think it is an excellent example of what I am saying. The problem with reality is that people are insistent that there is only one, when there are multiple realities all existing in the same spot. When we look at it from our perspective we see one reality but that is only because so much in our reality is the same as in other realities. The reason being that they are overlapping. To truly understand the one true reality you must understand that it is a combination of realities that got together and had a party. Only thing is that some realities are under the impression that only they were invited to the party.

As I mentioned before an infinite amount of universes can fit inside a quark. And so, too, can an infinite amount of quarks fit inside a Universe. Hard to get your head around? What if infinite realities all fit in one space half the size of a quark? Does that make it easier to understand? Why not? Perhaps I should allow for the idea that you do understand. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting here explaining it to you. If you understood you would only be understanding from your view of reality. There is a wall so thin between us that it is thicker than the whole of the universe. I look at you and you look at me and we see what we want to see. Sure we may agree that I am a man and you are a whatever sex you are. Sure we agree that I am Jaandlu and you are whatever your name is. But what does the name have to do with my reality or your reality? It only gives us a jumping off point, or rather, a point from which to fall further.

What's so wrong with falling? Nothing. People do it for sport all the time. People do it for comedy all the time. Some people, who don't mean to, do it purely for my entertainment. I love it when people do that.

So we are falling down the canvas of life and skidding our faces on the painting. The blood we leave behind is the color we see and what determines so much about what we are seeing is how we feel about it, not what it actually is. Some people see the color red and think, "Wow, how pretty is that? Such a deep color and with such amazing designs." While others look at the canvas and say, "Holy shit, there's blood everywhere. We need to clean this up before the cops get here." While still others say, "I am so tired of bleeding all over the place. Anyone have a truncate?" and then proceed to cut off the blood to their hearts and die.

I think if the moon and Mars can exist in the same place in front of my face and be nowhere near each other, that says a lot more about reality than say... science or religion.

Rule four in my reality: Science and religion are a way of explaining something that doesn't exist. It's like fiction but with a whole lot less reality to it.
I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Sat Dec 24, 2005 12:01 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
  Display posts from previous:      
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics. This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.

Jump to:  

Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Templates created by Vereor and Ken