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New Years Resolutions
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jaandlu



Joined: 17 Apr 2005
Posts: 4578
Location: Location, location, location.
New Years Resolutions  Reply with quote  

I resolve to stop thinking there is a general plot against me in which monkeys and dwarfs are involved.

I resolve to pick through my 400+ songs and put out an album, for the monkeys and the dwarfs.

I resolve not to call any more midgets, dwarfs.

I resolve to move away so I can escape the dwarfs and the monkeys that plot against me.

I resolve to find another girl that will fall madly in love with me then tell me it's not me, it's her, and "I just want to be friends."
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I honestly never thought I would live this long. Now I don't know what to do with myself.

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 3:52 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
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I resolve to do or not do the following (probably) in 2006:

To quit straining my neck looking at male joggers. I'll just stop the car when I see one coming.

I'll stop pretending that I know the President of USA. It was okay over 6 years ago...but now???

Buy a new mixer...not so it could help me cook but just so I could if I got a wild hair up my ass.
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Book: A garden carried in a pocket. Arabian Proverb

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 4:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Ferrit Leggings



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 2658
 Reply with quote  

My Resolutions:

I resolve to write my damn book like some musician named Ja told me to, even if it kills me.

I resolve to find someone to sell my damn book that some musician named Ja told me to write.

I resolve to stop farting around and pretending to be writing, like now, and write the mother fucker.

I resolve to write weird beat type poetry and post it in fan fiction when I get the urge to.

I resolve to stop buying cameras for a whole year.

I resolve to quit my job before 2007.

I resolve to stop buying CDís only because they are playing in the record shop and they are only playing the best three songs from the album, which are devastatingly catchy, but I will hold my resolve.

I resolve take the best damn photographs seen.

That is all.
FL
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I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes. -HST

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 6:35 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
 Reply with quote  

One more:

I resolve never, ever, do that experiment again with the live chicken (at least it started out that way), curling iron, and salad tongs.
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Book: A garden carried in a pocket. Arabian Proverb

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:56 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Guest





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I resolve to stop proclaiming George Carlin as my hero and quoting him to random passersby. ("Fuck Mickey Mouse...I hope Mickey dies," is not an appropriate thing to scream at the park.)

I resolve to stop referring to all pregnant women (married and no) as "knocked up." To their faces, at least.

I resolve that next year, the Christmas teddy bear sugar cookies will not have genitalia composing of frosting and Red Hots.

I resolve to stop pressuring the kids at Tom's Toys to directly disobey the store's rules and bringing the clerk's attention to it when they do.

I resolve that, when tennis players at the adjoining court accidentally hit a ball my direction, I will no longer say, "Finders: keepers; losers: weepers," and run away.

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 7:56 pm   
JennyO



Joined: 28 Apr 2004
Posts: 2775
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I will read more books than I buy and, after reading them, get them out of the house so I don't end up like the Collyer brothers.

I will eat more green food, even though it's icky.

I will not wrestle the cat. Much.

I will not reorder my Netflix queue every other day.

I will learn to make sock monkeys. I like sock monkeys. Actually, I just like saying "monkeys." Monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.

I will go to the zoo and see the monkeys whenever I damn well feel iike it.

I will not use my ability to belch at will to make my kids laugh. Unless they ask me to.

I will not consider walking to the refrigerator exercise.

I will not wear low-rise jeans. No one wants to see that.

I will laugh often.

I will buy A Dirty Job on April 1st. At full price.
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"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is."

Kurt Vonnegut

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:20 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Adeamus



Joined: 22 Dec 2005
Posts: 150
Location: Shanghai, China
 Reply with quote  

i resolve to no longer celebrate holidays that were created to "replace" pagan celebrations with christian based festivities. i believe that leaves me with secretaries day and MLK day.

(on a side note, i found that some people call New Years --The Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord Jesus Christ. is it me or does that just sound wrong for so many different reasons?)
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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen

"As Willie Sutton the bank robber said when asked why he robbed banks, 'because that's where the money is'."

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 10:13 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Klari



Joined: 29 Mar 2004
Posts: 4734
Location: Portland, OR
 Reply with quote  

I resolve not to break into Apple headquarters and force at gunpoint a bunch of Apple execs to research on dial-up how to upgrade my laptop, then go out and buy the upgraded software and memory, come home, read the directions, find out you have to wipe out my existing hard drive because I never upgraded my OS X higher than the 10.1 it came with, try to download the 21.4 MB upgrade to 10.1.5 on dial-up(the aim being to get to 10.2 so as not to wipe out the hard drive), have AOL disconnect them a dozen times at the most having downloaded 17.8 MB, and still nearly a week after Christmas not be able to use the GD iPod. But I resolve not to go down to Cupertino and rub their faces in it like errant puppies.


I resolve to make a lot of money because I'm going to start paying people to do this shit for me. I understand how a combustion engine works, but I can't upgrade my system to use my iPod without losing everything I have or spending days manually backing it up on disk. This is seriously fucked up.

I resolve to quit bitching about my iPod. As soon as I get my stuff up and running. I promise.

I resolve to find better ways to express myself other than swearing. Only fucktards resort to swearing all the time.

Post Fri Dec 30, 2005 11:23 pm   View user's profile Send private message
chris
Site Admin


Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 3833
Location: People Republic of Northern California
 Reply with quote  

Adeamus wrote:
i resolve to no longer celebrate holidays that were created to "replace" pagan celebrations with christian based festivities. i believe that leaves me with secretaries day and MLK day.

(on a side note, i found that some people call New Years --The Feast of the Circumcision of Our Lord Jesus Christ. is it me or does that just sound wrong for so many different reasons?)




It's the waving of the foreskins that I object to.

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 12:28 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website
deb



Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 6325
Location: Montana
 Reply with quote  

Are those foreskins attached or no?
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Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 12:30 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Adeamus



Joined: 22 Dec 2005
Posts: 150
Location: Shanghai, China
 Reply with quote  

deb wrote:
Are those foreskins attached or no?


either way, i am not sleeping tonight now
_________________
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
Woody Allen

"As Willie Sutton the bank robber said when asked why he robbed banks, 'because that's where the money is'."

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 1:10 am   View user's profile Send private message
lisa



Joined: 10 Apr 2004
Posts: 6789
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I do want to write something funny. But the truth is I have a few cheques in the first week of Jan that I have to honour so I forgot it was new year tomorrow. I bought a car atlast so I am also broke. But then here is wishing everyone a Happy 2006. Peace and prosperity to all. I have loved posting. Thank You.

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 8:39 am   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Q



Joined: 19 May 2004
Posts: 297
 Reply with quote  

To remain true to my Amish heritage.




Q
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Angels, Devils, and Men:
The first forgets,
The third regrets,
and the second has all of the fun.

--Analytics of Five

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 10:07 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Lukaret



Joined: 28 Aug 2005
Posts: 1589
Location: ... Hell. No wait... make that GP, Texas, that's about the same thing.
 Reply with quote  

Ah.. the new year... goody.

I resolve to stop fuckin' around and graduate already. Said graduation leads to freedom, so stop it, me!

I resolve to bathe the dog more frequently. Because damn, that dog can stink up a house. I still love him though.

I resolve to not hit boys.... oh hell I can't do that.

I resolve to read more AG books, more appropriately: steal said books from my cousin and hold them hostage until she buys me the new book in April.

I resolve to hang more with my friends, because unlike family, I can hit them when they annoy me. Just kidding.

Hm... that's all I have for now...
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Slowly returning from the hell pit that is college. I hope. D:

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:38 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger
Regina



Joined: 02 Mar 2005
Posts: 952
Location: Northeast U.S
 Reply with quote  

In 2006 I resolve:

To remain tapeworm free!

Post Sat Dec 31, 2005 11:47 am   View user's profile Send private message
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