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Three Favorite Quotes from "A Dirty Job"
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Beta Male Mike



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Ohio
Three Favorite Quotes from "A Dirty Job"  Reply with quote  

1. "Charlie Asher walked the earth like an ant walks on the surface of water, as if the slightest misstep might send him plummeting through the surface to be sucked to the depths below."

The first line in the book is one of the best opening lines in any book ever and had me hooked right away. (It also sums up Charlie, the beta male, in a nut shell)


2. "Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the where she could hold up her head, so he had strapped her in face-out so she could look around. The way her arms and legs waved around as Charlie walked, she looked as if she was skydiving and using a skinny nerd as a parachute."

This line made me laugh so hard, I had to wipe slobber and snot off the page. It's such a creative description and painted such a vivid picture in my mind.

3.When Charlie arrived home from his mother's funeral, he was met at the door by two very large very enthusiastic canines, who , undistracted by keeping watch over Sophie's love hostage, were now able to visit the full measure of their affection and joy upon their returning master. It is generally agreed, and in fact stated in the bylaws of the American Kennel Club, that you have not been truly dog-humped until you have been double-dog-humped by a pair of four-hundred-pouund hounds from hell (Section 5, paragraph 7: Standards of Humping and Ass-dragging). And despite having used an extra-strength antiperspirant that very morning before leaving Sedona, Charllie found that getting poked repeatedly in the armpits by two damp devil-dog dicks was leaving him feelig less than fresh.

"Sophie, call them off. Call them off."

"The puppies are dancing with Daddy," Sophie giggled. "Dance, Daddy!"

Need I say more?

Though there were many other amazing quotes. These are the ones that stick out freshly in my mind. Which sorta scares me, in accordance with the latter quote.

Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:27 am   View user's profile Send private message
mllefifi



Joined: 28 Jan 2006
Posts: 8964
Location: Deleoware
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Which of these situations is more acceptable: being humped at home by two hell-hounds, or being pummeled on the deck of a boat in Hawaii by the giant wangs of horny whales?

(Spoiler alert: if you haven't yet read Fluke, do not read the above question. Wink )
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Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:42 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
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Ah, yes, the AG's obsession with the ancient past-time of wang pummeling. I believe it was first conceived by a lonely catholic priest, sometime BC (before catholicism). He was adrift on the ocean (somewhere in the Great Lakes region) when a shipload of pirates (1 shipload is now equivalent to about 20 approximate shit tons or 3 shedloads) neared his tiny vessel.

He tried desperately to hide his tiny vessel but it was too late, the pirates were already pointing and laughing. The details become rather fuzzy at this point, but several hundred years later, documents emerged retelling this nautical tale (as well as a number of sea shanty's such as What Shall We Do With Wankin Sailor?, many of which have survived to this day in various forms). However, even the retellings get a little cloudy at exactly the same point and merely state that wang pummeling occured and entered common vernacular.

I would love to know where the AG stumbled upon this particular act as I've researched it occasionally myself, always being thwarted somewhere around that fuzzy bit.
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Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:24 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
mllefifi



Joined: 28 Jan 2006
Posts: 8964
Location: Deleoware
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FattyFattyPorkFace wrote:
[...] I would love to know where the AG stumbled upon this particular act as I've researched it occasionally myself, always being thwarted somewhere around that fuzzy bit.

I thought that His Nineness explained the whale-wang inspiration in the afterword to Fluke. As to dog-humping -- if you've not experienced that, you've haven't lived. Laughing
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Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 12:28 pm   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
Beta Male Mike



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Ohio
 Reply with quote  

I havn't read FLUKE yet, so to be continued..........

Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 1:57 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Beta Male Mike



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Ohio
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Question, Does anyone know where I can download "The Griff" screenplay? The link on the oldsite does not bring anything up.

Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 2:03 pm   View user's profile Send private message
FattyFattyPorkFace



Joined: 10 Aug 2004
Posts: 6381
Location: Michigan
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Beta Male Mike wrote:
Question, Does anyone know where I can download "The Griff" screenplay? The link on the oldsite does not bring anything up.


http://old.chrismoore.com/griff.htm
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Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 2:37 pm   View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Beta Male Mike



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Ohio
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Fatty Fatty Pork Face if you were standing next to me right now, I would so hump you. Thanks-A-Million for the link.

Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 7:54 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Lib



Joined: 16 Apr 2004
Posts: 3423
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Page 198:

Quote:
Charlie dressed and left the Happy Relax Good Time Oriental Massage Parlor, which he had walked by a thousand times during his life, always wondering what was behind the red door with brown paper taped over the windows. Now he knew: the pathetic puddle of lonely frustration that was Charlie Asher, for whom there would be no happy ending.

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Post Mon Jul 03, 2006 9:49 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Beta Male Mike



Joined: 01 Jul 2006
Posts: 59
Location: Ohio
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LOL Thanks for adding this great quote Lib.

Post Tue Jul 04, 2006 8:26 pm   View user's profile Send private message
Vahlee



Joined: 04 Nov 2005
Posts: 3675
Location: Not-so-back to school
 Reply with quote  

One of my favs that will forever stick out in my mind is the terrorist babybomb bit as well.
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Post Wed Jul 05, 2006 8:25 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
uncletammy



Joined: 30 Dec 2006
Posts: 11
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I gave my copy away to another starving college student so they too could experience this book so I dont have it in front of me. Excuse me if I misquote a little.

My favorite line comes when Charlie is just getting to know the little stranger in his house.

"...she set the course of his life with just a smile"

You have to understand. I am a tough and hardened, sub-alpha male. I dont cry and I only show emotion to resolve fights about my lack of emotion. This line made me tear up like a baby.

Post Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:47 am   View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address
headchange



Joined: 17 Oct 2007
Posts: 20
 Reply with quote  

"Not in the butt...Not in the butt..."

Post Thu Oct 18, 2007 1:16 pm   View user's profile Send private message MSN Messenger
JouleZ



Joined: 06 Jul 2008
Posts: 162
Location: Next to the kitchen window
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"You can't really sugarcoat it at this point, can you?.
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Post Wed Jul 16, 2008 8:10 pm   View user's profile Send private message
JustAGirl



Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 2230
Location: North Carolina
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Oooo... A Dirty Job was the first AG book I read.

I knew it was love after one sentence:

"And it's not like there's a moaning Teletubby on the other end of it."

Jane is defending the fact that she gave Sophie a Lil' Smokie to gnaw on.

My jaw dropped. I sort of squealed as the visual image slapped me in the face. I think I may have passed out for a short period of time. It was awesome.
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Post Wed Jul 16, 2008 9:32 pm   View user's profile Send private message
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